End the socialist court system, bring back dueling!

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

In today's competetive global economic environment, we cannot afford sentimental feelings for quaint institutions like our socialized, government-rationed court system. The time has come for innovative, private-sector solutions.

As I've already pointed out dueling is a cost-effective, God-sanctioned way to solve court cases:

“...most historians date the origins of the duel to AD 501...when Gundebald, King of Burgundy...argued that since God directed the outcome of wars, it was only right to trust in His providence to favor the just cause of private quarrels as well. ..."trial by battle" soon became the norm throughout Europe. Duels were used to decide even the most arcane and acedemic conflicts, so that in Toledo, in 1085, a duel determined whether Latin or Mozaribic rites should be used in the liturgy....[Pope] Nicholas I pronounced dueling "just and legitimate" and abbots and priors began taking their share of the confiscated goods of a defeated combatant, sometimes even fighting themselves...In 967 the Council of Ravenna declared judicial combat acceptable, citing David's triumph over Goliath was evidence of divine sanction. A century and a half later, there were even formulas for Church blessings of duels....Certain monasteries, such as some around Paris in the 14th century, maintained special fields equiped with walls and viewing stalls expressly for staging judicial duels, with the monks renting out facilities as required.

So while the theological arguments in favor are clear, it's time to look at the economic arguments in favor.

From a recent paper from the department of economics at Amherst College:

"...we contend that dueling contains a rational core...wicked people like Adolf Hitler have opposed dueling..."

Well, you can read the whole thing with all of it's fancy equations, but if Hitler hates dueling, it's good enough for me.

People say economists know the price of everything and the value of nothing. Not true:

"Although some, duels were fought over tangible resources, like beautiful women....most duels centered around "honour," a cultural code word for creditworthiness."

Also, think of the employment opportunities that will be opened up with big corporate lawsuits. Corporations would hire entire teams of duelers, and lots of people would be employed building the weapons and cleaning up the battlefields.

[Nathan B. Forrest]

Re: End the socialist court system, bring back dueling!

Well, since I am a firearms owner and quite good with my skills (as most of us are here), I say bring it on!!!! It's about time we settle things like men!

[Meek and Humble]

Re: End the socialist court system, bring back dueling!

I have long said the court system is nonsensical. The Bible says all you need is the testimony of TWO people and you have to convict someone. Any further probing is just unnecessary and an affront to the Lord.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: End the socialist court system, bring back dueling!

Liberals have definitely corrupted America's once-great court system. Back in the old days, judges and juries understood that the testimony of a man was to be believed over than of a woman, and that a white man's word was easily worth that of 10 Negroes. Most importantly, in a lawsuit where persons of wealth took the witness stand, there was never any doubt that they spoke The Truth. Of course, the poor were welcome to have their say too, and often as not their testimony led to a swift resolution of the case.


Poor people receiving a summary judgement

Needless to say, things have changed immeasurably. Now even Muslim female trailer trash have "rights" equal to that of wealthy Christian white men. Even more absurd, animals have "rights" too! Now that my company is clearing rain forest in Thailand to make way for a new toxic waste dump, we've got to worry that some monkey or crocodile is going to get a lawyer and sue us for "species discrimination" in a US court!

This idea of settling disputes with dueling - hmm, it does have merit. Of course, with my busy schedule, it's not certain I can attend, so I might have a proxy to stand in for me. Next time I get into a duel with some wacko environmentalist or labor union agitator, I think it's only fair that I get to choose the time, place and type of weapon.


Environmentalist losing a duel

[BelieverInGod]

Re: End the socialist court system, bring back dueling!

Brother, that's a Jeep. Are you sure it didn't just explode by itself?

[Nathan B. Forrest]

Re: End the socialist court system, bring back dueling!

Brother, that's a Jeep. Are you sure it didn't just explode by itself?

[Logan]

Re: End the socialist court system, bring back dueling!

Next time I get into a duel with some wacko environmentalist or labor union agitator, I think it's only fair that I get to choose the time, place and type of weapon.

Brother Fred, I believe you are being too fair. When referring to godless environmentalists, nothing short of a stoning is fair. God specificaly says we are to be masters of our domain, and they go against the LORD's word.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: End the socialist court system, bring back dueling!

Brother, that's a Jeep. Are you sure it didn't just explode by itself?

Well, erh, ah, it's true that when my company was contracting with Ford, we designed that now famous exploding gas tank. Hey, but look, only about 500 people burned to death as a result, which is a small percentage of the approximately 45,000 people a year who get killed in car accidents in the USA. So really, it was just a drop in the bucket. Plus our cost-benefit analysis showed it was cheaper to pay off the victims' families than to redesign the car.


The Ford Pinto: makes you feel warm all over

But back to the exploding Jeep - that photo was taken in Thailand where the envirowackos were protesting our little rain forest toxic waste dump. As you know, Thailand is populated by a bunch of skinny dark-skinned people who speak an incomprehensible language and practice that weird Buddha-worship religion, so I really don't think Americans need to concern themselves with what happens over there. If they had any oil, we'd be bombing them by now. On the other hand, I will say that I enjoy visiting Thailand every now and then to witness with some of the young female Bible students. Plus the lack of environmental and worker safety regulations and low pay make it a good place to invest (ie toxic waste dump).