[Jedediah]

Friends,

My family and I were having a nice lunch buffet at a family steakhouse last week with my cousin Chuck and his wife, who stopped by for a visit on their way to Branson, MO. I had always thought Chuck to be a fine Christian man, active in his church, and fully capable of rightly dividing the Word of God. However, as I learned, we must always be careful of our perceptions of others.

During the course of a lively conversation about my family's last visit to Branson, Chuck began choking on a piece of beef tip. I immediately called my family of prayer warriors to attention, we formed a ring around him, held hands, got down on our knees, and began praying in earnest for the LORD to look down on His humble servant, making His face to shine upon Chuck. For as it is written:

John 14:13-14
And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.

However, after over a minute of fervent prayer, the beef tip remained lodged in Chuck's throat, his face turned a deep purple, and the veins in his eyes began to burst. His wife was hysterical, not even making an attempt to join our prayer circle. This is all a clear indication that Chuck's faith and that of his wife was not as strong as we had all been lead to believe. And as we learn from when Jesus healed the two blind men, it is according to our faith that we may receive healing from the LORD.

Matthew 9:28-29
And when he was come into the house, the blind men came to him: and Jesus saith unto them, Believe ye that I am able to do this? They said unto him, Yea, Lord.
Then touched he their eyes, saying, According to your faith be it unto you.

My family lifted our voices to Heaven even louder, my eldest son speaking in tongues, which made me so proud. It was at this point that I yelled out for one of the busboys to bring me some olive oil from the kitchen, so that I may give Chuck an anointing, as prescribed by James 5:14. However, the busboy instead burst through our prayer circle, pulled Chuck off of the table, got behind him, and administered the Heimlich Maneuver, which is an incredibly violent and perverse secular remedy for choking. It looks something like this:

Disgusting.

The beef tip flew out of Chuck's mouth, but at tremendous cost to his dignity. He's obviously got a bit of work ahead of him if he intends to get on the right side of the LORD. If we had known that his faith was so deficient, maybe it would have been better to just let that busboy get to him in the first place, although I'm concerned that this amounts to condoning homosexurality.

At least we know that as True Christians™, we will never have to resort to such depravity in a similar situation.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Is there even any True Scientific (read: Biblical) proof that choking causes death? Of course the two are co-related, since when God smites someone, He likes them to die in a painful, undignified way. However, the liberal-bias scientific community has regularly lied about the purpose of internal organs. For example, the heart and bowels do not have anything to do with the circulatory or digestive system, they are where the human soul is kept: (Esther 6:6, Proverbs 23:7, Isaiah 10:7, Matt 9:4).

The lungs, like the brain, are not mentioned in the Bible. Why should we be concerned with body parts that God is not concerned with?

Originally Posted by Ed Babinski

The Bible
emphasizes how the _heart_ "deviseth a man's way,"
"inspires speech" "believes," "is joyful,"
"is deceitful," "is good" (Prov. 16:9, Mt. 12: 34, Rom. 10:10, 1 Chron. 16:10, Jer. 17:9, Lk. 6:45)

Besides the heart, the Bible also focuses
(to a lesser extent) on the emotional and moral significance of
the bowels and kidneys. Here are some of the verses in the King
James Bible in which the Greek and Hebrew terms for bowels and
kidneys are literally translated:

My bowels are troubled for him; I will surely have mercy upon
him, saith the Lord -Jer. 31:20
Be ye straitened [restrained] in your own bowels -2 Cor. 6:12

I long after you in the bowels [affection] of Christ (Philip. 1:8).

(T)he bowels of the saints are refreshed.... ®efresh my bowels
in the Lord -Philemon 7:20

(S)hutteth up his bowels of compassion -1 John 3:17

Thus my heart was grieved, and I was pricked in my reins [Latin,
renes, which means kidneys, a literal translation of the Hebrew] -Ps. 73:21

My reins [kidneys] also instruct me in the night seasons -Ps.
16:7).

Oh let the wickedness of the wicked come to an end; but establish
the just: for the righteous God trieth the heart and reins [kidneys]
-Ps. 7:9

Yea, my reins [kidneys] shall rejoice when my lips speak right
things -Prov. 23:16).

I am He [God] which searcheth the reins [kidneys] and hearts -Rev. 2:23).

I should also add that if we are to believe that lungs are important, then we have to believe the anti-smoking nut cases and their "lung cancer" propaganda.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Who are we to interfere with God's perfect plan? The Lord obviously blocked Chucks airway for a reason, right? All His choices are just and righteous, so if Chuck had died, it would have been God's will.

The only thing that confuses me is that the busboy was also part of God's perfect plan, so it seems like God was really just firing a warning shot at Chuck, to keep him in line so to speak. His ways are mysterious and confusing at times, but it's not our place to question, it is our place to obey.

Originally Posted by God in the KJV1611

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Romans 12:1-2

[Cranky Old Man]

Originally Posted by Jedediah

the Heimlich Maneuver, which is an incredibly violent and perverse secular remedy for choking. It looks something like this

That looks exactly the same as two gays having sodomy! Amazing how this busboy brutally broke a Holy Prayer circle to simulate anal sex with someone in pain. And it's even worse, people do this too animals as well! They pretend to be helping the animal while in reality they are violating Exodus 22:19: "Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death."



This is all very disturbing! I gave my wife clear instructions to just let me die if I ever choke. She, loving Jesus almost as much as I do, agreed immediately.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Originally Posted by Jedediah

His wife was hysterical, not even making an attempt to join our prayer circle. This is all a clear indication that Chuck's faith and that of his wife was not as strong as we had all been lead to believe. And as we learn from when Jesus healed the two blind men, it is according to our faith that we may receive healing from the LORD.

Matthew 9:28-29
And when he was come into the house, the blind men came to him: and Jesus saith unto them, Believe ye that I am able to do this? They said unto him, Yea, Lord.
Then touched he their eyes, saying, According to your faith be it unto you.

Oh dear, Brother Jedediah! Do you think your cousin is harboring some unconfessed sexual sin in his life? We know the LORD keeps the body of the faithful in good health, for the Psalmist tells us what happens when man hides his sin, and then when he confesses it. (Psalm 32:1-6) We also know that every sin that a man does is without the body; but he that commits fornication sins against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18) Because no one else was injured, I'm thinking the medical trauma was self-directed because of the nature of the sin. It would explain why his wife was so hysterical (a woman always knows). It would also explain why the busboy came running and grabbed your cousin in a most homosexual type manner. I suspect the spiritual warfare is strong over him and the homosexual demons recognized each other. Oh, Brother Jedediah! I shall add your dear cousin to my prayers!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Heimlich....sounds like a joo name.