[Faith_Machine]

Friends, as you know, I have been temporarily caring for Marina, a young Latina with autism, whom my brother Esau for some reason adopted.

Esau, of course, has been laid up with rheumatoid arthritis, and he and his wife, Hephzibah, felt it best I take young Marina off their hands for a few months.

As mentally challenged kids go, Marina is a fairly harmless sort. She is obsessed with wearing huge flowers in her hair, and spends a lot of time staring off into space and "stimming."



However, I have discovered something about this lass which her parents had not suspected:

She is an idiot-savant, with a photographic memory!

Hence I endeavored to have her memorize every single page of Strong's Concordance.

The result is that you can give this girl any word from the Bible --literally any word at all-- and she can recite back to you every single Bible verse in which it appears, along with its definition, original Hebrew and Greek counterparts, etc, etc.

So I got to thinking, were this girl a carnival sideshow attraction, she could be billed as THE HUMAN BIBLE INDEX.

And I further got to thinking, what if we actually put together some kind of traveling road show?

Consider, brothers and sisters, how popular traveling tent revivals used to be, before people got so caught up in their Internet and on-demand television and whatnot.

Imagine a Christian carnival featuring at least ten "human oddities," i.e., sideshow freaks, each of which could impart upon the viewer some important Biblical truth.

I think this could be a splendid way of raising extra money for the church.

Would any of you happen to know any cripples, deformed individuals, or other specimens, living or dead, who might be appropriate for such an enterprise?

[Faith_Machine]

Just hear me out. In accordance with Leviticus 21, we do not allow the mentally or physically crippled to attend church:

18 For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,

19 Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded,

20 Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;

21 No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the Lord made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God.

Therefore, I feel my plan could be an excellent way for those with notable deformities to use what talents they have to give glory to God in a way that does not offend Him.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Good idea, Brother Faith, to think outside the box. With Satan always on the move we need to be thinking of news ways to bring Jesus to the public.

It strikes me there would be two approaches to this. One would be the traveling tent show. This would be set up in a field outside of town. The advance team would need to put posters everywhere possible.

The other would be to sign on with a Midway company which plays at country fairs. Our show could be next to the Bearded Lady, for example.

In this latter we would need a barker shouting, "SEE THE RETARD QUOTE THE BIBLE" or something like that.

In both cases the performers would need to shed tears when reciting the Bible. Shedding tears in 10 shows a day might be tough for them.

[Dennis Lukes]

Originally Posted by Faith_Machine

Would any of you happen to know any cripples, deformed individuals, or other specimens, living or dead, who might be appropriate for such an enterprise?

Back in the 90s, a pregnant teenaged slut stayed at my motel, and there was a lot of screaming over the night. After she left, one of my cleaning ladies went into her room and found THIS:





I have no idea what this thing is. Some kind of goblin or something. It was alive and had a fleshy cord sticking out of its abdomen. If you jabbed it with a rifle barrel, it shuddered and made gurgling noises. After a few hours, it died. Then I put it in a jar and pickled it, and then I stashed it in the attic and forgot about it until I read your post.


It's yours for $60.

[Isabella White]

Originally Posted by Faith_Machine

I feel my plan could be an excellent way for those with notable deformities to use what talents they have to give glory to God in a way that does not offend Him.

Well, if you're looking for somewhat who is a bit on the, shall we say, freaky side, then what about hiring this "Human Ken Doll" person? He's had over 70 cosmetic surgeries, including having four of his ribs removed (so he could have a cinched waist without having to go on a diet). Attached is a photo of him holding a jar containing the ribs that were removed. He would be ideal for reminding the world of how Eve was made from the rib of Adam!

Genesis 2:21-23:
21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
22 And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

Sincerely, Isabella W.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbi...b-removal.html

[Johny Joe Hold]

I think people would pay to join in prayer with this fellow, thanking God for his third leg:

[Kyrre Eliasen (On Moderation)]

The kid in the jar is my twinbrother.

[Dennis Lukes]

Originally Posted by Kyrre Eliasen

The kid in the jar is my twinbrother.

Ok well the $60 offer was for a fellow True Christian™ only. If you want to have a family reunion, I'm going to need $800 cash upfront.