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I had a big fight with my cousin Verne today over whether his fourteen year old daughter should be allowed to wear overalls. I happened to have let myself into his house, as he always leaves his back door unlocked, and I guess I kind of surprised his daughter when she came home from school.
I'm not going to post an actual photo of her, because she is underage, but this is what she looked like when she walked in the door:
Naturally, I completely lost my composure at that point, told her that "Oshkosh" style overalls are unclean, and demanded that she take them off at once. She refused, so I took her across my knee, and was about to give her the bottom paddling of her life, when her father walked in the door.
He's never been very good about disciplining her, and when he saw me with his daughter across my knee, he about had a conniption fit.
I explained to him that overalls should only be worn by adult men doing manual labor, and that they are very unclean on a woman, especially one as young as his daughter.
Well wouldn't you know it, my almost Biblically illiterate cousin got out his Bible and demanded that I show him exactly where it says overalls are unclean.
(His daughter was crying and having a hysterical meltdown the whole time, by the way.)
See, Verne thought he had me in a tight spot, because he knows overalls weren't invented until well after Biblical times, so they would not have been mentioned in the Bible, despite the fact that the Bible accurately predicts so many other future technologies and events.
Anyway, I directed Verne to Romans 14:14, which very unambiguously says that if YOU, as a believer in Christ, feel that something is unclean, then it IS unclean, regardless of what that thing might happen to be.
If God moved me to feel like salt and pepper shakers were unclean, then they would, in fact, be unclean.
And that is how I know my cousin Verne's trollop daughter's overalls are unclean.
CASE CLOSED.
I'm not going to post an actual photo of her, because she is underage, but this is what she looked like when she walked in the door:
Naturally, I completely lost my composure at that point, told her that "Oshkosh" style overalls are unclean, and demanded that she take them off at once. She refused, so I took her across my knee, and was about to give her the bottom paddling of her life, when her father walked in the door.
He's never been very good about disciplining her, and when he saw me with his daughter across my knee, he about had a conniption fit.
I explained to him that overalls should only be worn by adult men doing manual labor, and that they are very unclean on a woman, especially one as young as his daughter.
Well wouldn't you know it, my almost Biblically illiterate cousin got out his Bible and demanded that I show him exactly where it says overalls are unclean.
(His daughter was crying and having a hysterical meltdown the whole time, by the way.)
See, Verne thought he had me in a tight spot, because he knows overalls weren't invented until well after Biblical times, so they would not have been mentioned in the Bible, despite the fact that the Bible accurately predicts so many other future technologies and events.
Anyway, I directed Verne to Romans 14:14, which very unambiguously says that if YOU, as a believer in Christ, feel that something is unclean, then it IS unclean, regardless of what that thing might happen to be.
Romans 14:14
I know, and am perswaded by the Lord Iesus, that there is nothing vncleane of it selfe: but to him that esteemeth any thing to bee vncleane, to him it is vncleane.
I know, and am perswaded by the Lord Iesus, that there is nothing vncleane of it selfe: but to him that esteemeth any thing to bee vncleane, to him it is vncleane.
And that is how I know my cousin Verne's trollop daughter's overalls are unclean.
CASE CLOSED.