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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 02-19-2010, 05:45 AM

After years of his wife's begging, Mike finally agrees to take his wife golfing with him. The third hole is a par 5 with a dogleg fairway that hooks to the left and has a small caretaker's shed off to the right, just before the bend. Mike slices the piss out of his tee shot and finds his ball lying in the rough with the shed directly between his ball and the green. His wife says, "Mike, I've got a great idea! If I hold the shed door open for you, you'll have a clear shot at the green right through the shed!" Mike decides it's worth a shot, grabs a 1-iron, stands a little forward of the ball, but slices it again. The ball hits the door jamb inside the shed, ricochets and hits his wife in the head, killing her instantly.

About a month later, Mike is on the same course with his buddies and, sure enough, he slices it on the third fairway and finds himself in a familiar situation. His friend says, "Mike, I've got a great idea! If I hold the shed door open for you, you'll have a clear shot at the green right through the shed!" As he's grabbing his 9-iron, Mike replies instantly, "Oh no! Last time I tried that I took a double bogey!"


http://brighart.com/images/SupremeCourtBibleVerses.JPGMIKE HUCKABEE/RAND PAUL - 2012 (or sooner if possible)
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 02-20-2010, 12:27 AM

Since this is a men only forum just this once I'll work blue.

How long does it take a woman to orgasm?


Who the Hell cares!


Leviticus 13:40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 02-20-2010, 03:44 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul Jeffery View Post
After years of his wife's begging, Mike finally agrees to take his wife golfing with him. The third hole is a par 5 with a dogleg fairway that hooks to the left and has a small caretaker's shed off to the right, just before the bend. Mike slices the piss out of his tee shot and finds his ball lying in the rough with the shed directly between his ball and the green. His wife says, "Mike, I've got a great idea! If I hold the shed door open for you, you'll have a clear shot at the green right through the shed!" Mike decides it's worth a shot, grabs a 1-iron, stands a little forward of the ball, but slices it again. The ball hits the door jamb inside the shed, ricochets and hits his wife in the head, killing her instantly.

About a month later, Mike is on the same course with his buddies and, sure enough, he slices it on the third fairway and finds himself in a familiar situation. His friend says, "Mike, I've got a great idea! If I hold the shed door open for you, you'll have a clear shot at the green right through the shed!" As he's grabbing his 9-iron, Mike replies instantly, "Oh no! Last time I tried that I took a double bogey!"
Lol.

And in the same vein...

Gerald and Spencer are on the 14th hole when Gerald sees a funeral procession passing by in the distance. Gerald stops and places his hat over his heart until the procession passes by. Spencer, impressed, pats his friend on the shoulder saying he didn't know he was so sentimental.

"I'm not, usually," Gerald said. "but, after all, we were married for 42 years."
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Lightbulb Re: Manly Jokes - 02-25-2010, 04:16 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Care to back that up with Scripture, boy?

And who asked for your unsaved opinion anyway?
He does not have to back that up with script. It is the rightful truth. Do YOU care to back up the fact that they arn't equal with script? And I don't mean bullshit script that could mean what you want if you really thought about it in a different way... script that you dirty, racist, sexist, abusive, power hungry christians use to change peoples minds so that you can be in "power".

I WANT EVERY HARCORE CRISTIAN TO WATCH THE FOLLOWING MOVIE "The Invention Of Lying". It shows what very well may have happened many many years ago. You have NO evidence that everything or anything in the bible is true. I wont lie... I am not religeous but I do agree with SOME of the stuff in the bible (That people should not lie etc.). Be reasonable here... I refuse to follow a religion because there is no evidence that any of it is real. If one of the many religions are real (for sure). Then by all means I would be that religion. But for now there is no evidence that there is a god and there is no evidence that any religion is real.

P.S. If you ban my account or I.P adress it just goes to show that you are scared that people might stop beleaving some of the fake stuff you people say... Scared that you may lose some of you power.

Suck dick! Pussy beaters! <---Power hungry christians

Think about it.
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 02-25-2010, 04:25 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hi Shane View Post
He does not have to back that up with script. It is the rightful truth. Do YOU care to back up the fact that they arn't equal with script? And I don't mean bullshit script that could mean what you want if you really thought about it in a different way... script that you dirty, racist, sexist, abusive, power hungry christians use to change peoples minds so that you can be in "power".

I WANT EVERY HARCORE CRISTIAN TO WATCH THE FOLLOWING MOVIE "The Invention Of Lying". It shows what very well may have happened many many years ago. You have NO evidence that everything or anything in the bible is true. I wont lie... I am not religeous but I do agree with SOME of the stuff in the bible (That people should not lie etc.). Be reasonable here... I refuse to follow a religion because there is no evidence that any of it is real. If one of the many religions are real (for sure). Then by all means I would be that religion. But for now there is no evidence that there is a god and there is no evidence that any religion is real.

P.S. If you ban my account or I.P adress it just goes to show that you are scared that people might stop beleaving some of the genuine stuff you people say... Scared that you may lose some of you power.

Suck dick! Pussy beaters! <---Power hungry christians

Think about it.
DO NOT CHANGE MY POST! I DID NOT SAY "SOME OF THE GENUINE STUFF YOU PEOPLE SAY" I DID NOT ADD THE GENUINE PART!
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 02-25-2010, 04:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hi Shane View Post
He does not have to back that up with script. It is the rightful truth. Do YOU care to back up the fact that they arn't equal with script? And I don't mean *edited* script that could mean what you want if you really thought about it in a different way... script that you dirty, racist, sexist, abusive, power hungry christians use to change peoples minds so that you can be in "power".

I WANT EVERY HARCORE CRISTIAN TO WATCH THE FOLLOWING MOVIE "The Invention Of Lying". It shows what very well may have happened many many years ago. You have NO evidence that everything or anything in the bible is true. I wont lie... I am not religeous but I do agree with SOME of the stuff in the bible (That people should not lie etc.). Be reasonable here... I refuse to follow a religion because there is no evidence that any of it is real. If one of the many religions are real (for sure). Then by all means I would be that religion. But for now there is no evidence that there is a god and there is no evidence that any religion is real.

P.S. If you ban my account or I.P adress it just goes to show that you are scared that people might stop beleaving some of the genuine stuff you people say... Scared that you may lose some of you power.


That's hilarious! Sometimes you unsaved trash crack me up with your humorous stories!


Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.



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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 02-25-2010, 05:30 AM

what's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?


A fist
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 03-06-2010, 01:29 AM

A middle aged couple are approaching their wedding anniversary, the wife has just finished putting him to rights over a cup of tea with her friends, about how he never remembers their anniversary and has never bought her a gift in his life, when he comes walking through the front door carrying a big, gift wrapped box with a big ribbon and bow.

"Wow" the wife says shocked... "Whats up with you?"

"Its our anniversary darling" the husband jovially states "Aren't you going to open it?"

The wife, hesitantly, pulls the ribbon and lifts the lid off the box, has a look in and her face turns to thunder... "What the hell is that?" she demands.

"Clearly, it is a frog" the husband remarks sarcastically, "In fact, it is a very rare Venezuelan cock-sucking tree frog"

"What the hell am i going to do with a Venezuelan cock-sucking tree frog?" the wife enquires.


"Teach it to cook and piffle off" came the reply!



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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 03-06-2010, 01:53 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by True Sinner View Post
... some fantasy about sex with a frog ...
Did anyone ever tell you that you are not funny? Did you think they where joking? They were not!


5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 03-08-2010, 10:49 PM

Leave it to Godless Venezuelans to come up with sexual relations with amphibians.


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 07-15-2010, 06:11 AM

All the discussion of the "erection in church" problem reminds me of a joke!

Q: What is ten inches long, has a circumference of nearly four inches, and is white?

A: Nothing



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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 07-15-2010, 08:49 AM

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt!

How do they know Princess Diana used Head & Shoulders?
They found hers on the dashboard!

Why don't women need to drive?
Because there isn't a road between the stove and my phallus.


Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.



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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 07-15-2010, 09:03 PM

A man comes busting into his house waving a piece of paper in the air. "Honey, go in there and start packing. I just won the lottery!!!" "Oh my, what do I pack for? Should I pack for the winter, are we going to Aspen? Or are we going to Jamaca, should I pack for summer?" To which the man replies, "I don't care what you pack for just get out of my house!"
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 07-15-2010, 09:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by godizluv View Post
A man comes busting into his house waving a piece of paper in the air. "Honey, go in there and start packing. I just won the lottery!!!" "Oh my, what do I pack for? Should I pack for the winter, are we going to Aspen? Or are we going to Jamaca, should I pack for summer?" To which the man replies, "I don't care what you pack for just get out of my house!"
Were the couple married? Divorce is a sin, not something to be joked about.


6
A woman came up to me the other day, 12/6/2016 and said:
"But Mr. Winner, if GOD loves everyone then why is there so much suffering in the world?"

Because GOD doesn't love everyone. Too many people have this absurd idea in their heads that GOD is all loving.
If he was all loving, then murderers, thieves and homosexuals would be waiting for you in Heaven.

GOD doesn't open his gate to just anyone. Being a True Christian™ is like a Queue Jump ticket at Disney, we are guaranteed a ride with JESUS.
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 07-16-2010, 12:39 AM

Quote:
Were the couple married? Divorce is a sin, not something to be joked about.
from the "old pervert gives pedophelia underwear to underage" thread
Quote:
Since Reverend Jim is in the middle of divorce proceedings,
Maybe you should mention that to your fellow "christian brother"...Ass Hat!
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 07-16-2010, 12:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by godizluv View Post
from the "old pervert gives pedophelia underwear to underage" thread

Maybe you should mention that to your fellow "christian brother"...Ass Hat!
His situation is unique, in that he has been married to his wife for 3 years and she is suspected of ADULTERY.

Matthew 5:32
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.


So no, I wont be mentioning it to him. I still cannot believe you made that horrible joke .


6
A woman came up to me the other day, 12/6/2016 and said:
"But Mr. Winner, if GOD loves everyone then why is there so much suffering in the world?"

Because GOD doesn't love everyone. Too many people have this absurd idea in their heads that GOD is all loving.
If he was all loving, then murderers, thieves and homosexuals would be waiting for you in Heaven.

GOD doesn't open his gate to just anyone. Being a True Christian™ is like a Queue Jump ticket at Disney, we are guaranteed a ride with JESUS.
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 07-16-2010, 07:35 AM

Q:What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A: Mmhpmph

Q: What did one woman say to the other?
A: Who cares


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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 07-16-2010, 02:43 PM

Three women were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first woman said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second woman said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third woman said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The women were still arguing when the train hit them.



Deuteronomy 7:26 Neither shalt thou bring an abomination into thine house, lest thou be a cursed thing like it: but thou shalt utterly detest it, and thou shalt utterly abhor it; for it is a cursed thing.

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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 07-17-2010, 01:11 PM

What did Dodi Al-Fayed say to his bodyguard?
"Would you like to go to Paris with me and Di?"


Joshua 24:15
And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
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Default Re: Manly Jokes - 07-25-2010, 06:47 PM

What do you say to a messicant on a $800 bicycle?

STOP, THIEF!


1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.

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