[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: I need a Landover man to look at my penis

It would not exactly be a miracle, but perhaps a reverse-miracle? Regardless, my foreskin would be incontrovertible proof of God's supernatural power. What atheist could fail to believe in the face of such evidence?

Not a miracle? Then why am I getting chills down my spine? And why am I feeling the spirit of Pastor Pistle alive in this room right now! (If he is not dead yet, my sincere apologies).

[Martha Chump]

Re: I need a Landover man to look at my penis

Sometimes I do think I understand the female brain but then I remember the Charles Manson family and NXIVIM cult were REAL THINGS THAT HAPPENED!!! Faithless savages.

It's really a shame about NXIVM. Deep down, part of me feels this is one big misunderstanding. I wanted to invite Keith Rainiere to speak at our church and was hoping this matter would blow over, but sadly not.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: I need a Landover man to look at my penis

Many thanks to all the pastors and laymen who participated in my Circle of Rebuke, which wound up being a Level 5.

This was, of course, not an easy process. As I lay shivering on the floor, naked in my sin, and surrounded by some of the finest, most Godly Christian men I have ever known, I dare say it felt as though the Lord's judgment itself were raining down on me, one droplet at a time.

I'm sure you all will understand if I take the rest of this evening to quietly reflect.

[Des]

Re: I need a Landover man to look at my penis

I’d be willing to pick you up and drop you off at the city limits of Freehold. I can only drop you off at the city limits though as any time i try to get closer, these bullets fly at me out of nowhere as if God himself is angry at someone or something around me.

Oh, no! I am not taking the blame for this one! After several unfortunate accidents involving my 20 mm anti-aircraft auto canons, Mayor Hold allowed me to keep them only on the condition that I have their turrets modified to prevent a downward firing position. This means that, with an effective range of 3.4 miles firing a 162 g projectile, I would have to meticulously calculate the minute of angle and fire in a ballistic arc to hit anything on the road. Furthermore, distances would have to be calculated for various ranges and marked off with something superficially resembling those mysterious large red Xs someone painted at 50 foot intervals on the pavement starting at 1.7 miles from the front gates. So don't go blaming me for bullets flying out of nowhere, because I wouldn't even know where to begin pulling off something like that.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: I need a Landover man to look at my penis

Oh, no! I am not taking the blame for this one! After several unfortunate accidents involving my 20 mm anti-aircraft auto canons, Mayor Hold allowed me to keep them only on the condition that I have their turrets modified to prevent a downward firing position. This means that, with an effective range of 3.4 miles firing a 162 g projectile, I would have to meticulously calculate the minute of angle and fire in a ballistic arc to hit anything on the road. Furthermore, distances would have to be calculated for various ranges and marked off with something superficially resembling those mysterious large red Xs someone painted at 50 foot intervals on the pavement starting at 1.7 miles from the front gates. So don't go blaming me for bullets flying out of nowhere, because I wouldn't even know where to begin pulling off something like that.

I wasn’t going to blame anyone from Freehold. I was going to blame Antifa.

[Des]

Re: I need a Landover man to look at my penis

I wasn’t going to blame anyone from Freehold. I was going to blame Antifa.

Oh, right, yes. Yes, definitely something they would do.

[Des]

Re: I need a Landover man to look at my penis

Who said he was sexual predator? It says spiritual predator in his signature. I assume that's someone who uses aggressive, even unorthodox methods to save souls at all cost?

Oh my dear girl. You are mistaking the deeply spiritual work I do with the heathen Asiatics for something altogether different in brother FM. Brother FM is a deeply troubled individual who needs our help and guidance. While his intentions are as noble as my own, his navigation system requires constant oversight.

[Martha Chump]

Re: I need a Landover man to look at my penis

I'm so happy your faith circle healed his matter.

I would like to request now if we can change the subject. All this non stop talk about penis is making me feel queasy.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: I need a Landover man to look at my penis

I would like to request now if we can change the subject. All this non stop talk about penis is making me feel queasy.

What a good idea. Somebody should write a forum post without the title "I need a Landover man to look at my penis" so we can talk about something else. Anyone want to get the ball rolling?

[Martha Chump]

Re: I need a Landover man to look at my penis

Well, I just love penises! We've spent two pages on Mr. Machine's penis. We've worked night and day on Mr. Machine's penise, and I know a TC's penis is more significant than the entirety of unsaved female trash as myself, but still, it makes me comfortable.

[Didymus Much]

Re: I need a Landover man to look at my penis

PENIS.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: I need a Landover man to look at my penis

I am wondering if this thread was the pivot point that made Jesus delay the winning results of President Trump to be counted after the election. As he is stagnating His return, so He might be teaching us a lesson in chastity because of these for Him unfamiliar discussions about penises.

Ezekiel 24:13
In thy filthiness is lewdness: because I have purged thee, and thou wast not purged, thou shalt not be purged from thy filthiness any more, till I have caused my fury to rest upon thee.

It is highly likely that if we ask Jesus for forgiveness and never ever utter the word penis again, He could turn the election to President Trump's favor. What would Jesus know about penises, anyway?


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Martha Chump]

Re: I need a Landover man to look at my penis

I'm happy to agree with you on this. Recently I confronted my own innate desires and ended up with three deprecating trophies and a reduced reputation. Unlike Mr. Machine, I don't know if an interfaith circle yerk can rectify the damage. Let's end the non-stop penis talk so we can mount Mr Trump at the top of the poll again. In Jesus name I pray