[Brother V]

1 Chronicles 4-6

Remember Biblegateway is missing 1 Chronicles 1-3 so this is segment 111b, of our Bible in a Year.

Today we get:

• More Judah
• The prayer of Jabez
• The sons of Simeon
• The sons of Reuben
• The sons of Levi

1 Chronicles 4

1 The sons of Judah; Pharez, Hezron, and Carmi, and Hur, and Shobal.

Judah's boys were Er, Onan, Shelah, Pharez, Hezron, Carmi, Hur and Shobal.

9 And Jabez was more honourable than his brethren: and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, Because I bare him with sorrow.

Those Joos sure do love to have a favorite.

10 And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, Oh that thou wouldest bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast, and that thine hand might be with me, and that thou wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me! And God granted him that which he requested.

That's a pretty selfish prayer that Jabez prayed. You'd think that with all the people who have read the prayer of Jabez, that it would flatter God a little more; instead it's a prayer of "God give me stuff".

24 The sons of Simeon were, Nemuel, and Jamin, Jarib, Zerah, and Shaul:

25 Shallum his son, Mibsam his son, Mishma his son.

Simeon's sons were; Nemuel, Jamin, Jarib, Zerah, Shaul, Shallum, Mibsam, and Mishma.

1 Chronicles 5

1 Now the sons of Reuben the firstborn of Israel, (for he was the firstborn; but forasmuch as he defiled his father's bed, his birthright was given unto the sons of Joseph the son of Israel: and the genealogy is not to be reckoned after the birthright.

2 For Judah prevailed above his brethren, and of him came the chief ruler; but the birthright was Joseph's

You'll note the use of the smiley face at the end of verse 2.

So Reuben was the first born, so he should have been the leader and had the double share of the inheritance. Instead Judah became the leader, and Joseph got the double share (Ephriam and Manasseh).

3 The sons, I say, of Reuben the firstborn of Israel were, Hanoch, and Pallu, Hezron, and Carmi.

Apparently, Foghorn Leghorn was the author of verse 3.

I say, I'm not a chicken, I say, I'm a rooster boy!

1 Chronicles 6

1 The sons of Levi; Gershon, Kohath, and Merari.

Levi had 3 boys, Gershon, Kohath and Merari.

Amram was Kohath's son.

3 And the children of Amram; Aaron, and Moses, and Miriam. The sons also of Aaron; Nadab, and Abihu, Eleazar, and Ithamar.

Levi, Kohath, Amram, Moses.

Remember, the Kohanim come from the line of Aaron. The Kohanim are the high priests in joo-de-ism.


16 The sons of Levi; Gershom, Kohath, and Merari.

Yeah, you just told us that.

33 And these are they that waited with their children. Of the sons of the Kohathites: Heman a singer, the son of Joel, the son of Shemuel,

Heman was a singer, not the defender of the universe.

49 But Aaron and his sons offered upon the altar of the burnt offering, and on the altar of incense, and were appointed for all the work of the place most holy, and to make an atonement for Israel, according to all that Moses the servant of God had commanded.

Yes, we already went over that.

So what have we learned today?

1. These men were virile and lived a rather long time. (Most of it probably before after going into Egypt, remember there were only 70 people who went into Egypt according to Genesis 46:27)
2. I say, I say, Reuben may have lost his birthright, but he became the best sammich out of the boys. When was the last time you ordered a Gad sandwich?
3. Levi may have been the Great Grandfather of Moses, but the bible never says when he first made a set of dungarees.

YIC
V

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by Brother V

1 Chronicles 4-6

3 And the children of Amram; Aaron, and Moses, and Miriam. The sons also of Aaron; Nadab, and Abihu, Eleazar, and Ithamar.

Levi, Kohath, Amram, Moses.

Remember, the Kohanim come from the line of Aaron. The Kohanim are the high priests in joo-de-ism.

And the sons of Aaron control the stock market to this day. I heard that one of them accidentally sniffed some pork on Monday, and that's why Europe and India are headed for a recession.

[Ahimaaz Smith]

There's nothing like a run thru Chronicles 8 to clear the induce the kind of deep, restful sleep you can only otherwise obtain by purchasing a SelectComfort sleep number adjustable bed and wearing those nose bandages that don't do anything but put money in the pockets of the negroes in the NFL who wear them on TV.

A Real Live Firstborn Of His Father Sam, Born On The Fourth Of July

And it came to pass, when Samuel was old, that he made his sons judges over Israel. Now the name of his firstborn was Joel; and the name of his second, Abiah: they were judges in Beersheba. 1 Samuel 8:1-2

And the sons of Samuel; the firstborn Vashni, and Abiah. 1 Chronicles 6:28

Vashni was merely a nickname. What kind of Jew would have a real name like Vashi? Note that 1 Samuel says his name was Joel, whereas 1 Chronicles doesn't say that Vashni was his name.

Oh Danny Boy

And the families of the children of Kohath, the Levites which remained of the children of Kohath, even they had the cities of their lot out of the tribe of Ephraim. For they gave them Shechem with her suburbs in mount Ephraim, to be a city of refuge for the slayer; and Gezer with her suburbs, And Kibzaim with her suburbs, and Bethhoron with her suburbs; four cities. And out of the tribe of Dan, Eltekeh with her suburbs, Gibbethon with her suburbs, Aijalon with her suburbs, Gathrimmon with her suburbs; four cities. Joshua 21:20-24

And the residue of the families of the sons of Kohath had cities of their coasts out of the tribe of Ephraim. And they gave unto them, of the cities of refuge, Shechem in mount Ephraim with her suburbs; they gave also Gezer with her suburbs, And Jokmeam with her suburbs, and Bethhoron with her suburbs, and Aijalon with her suburbs, and Gathrimmon with her suburbs: 1 Chronicles 8:66-69

I constantly hear athiests say that these two chapters of the Word are inconsistent, since these cities cannot have come out of the tribe of Ephraim, since they were out of the tribe of Dan.

This is easily explained: there were 12 tribes of Israel, one for each of the signs of the Zodiac, er, I mean the sons of Jacob: Reuben (who also made a mean sammich), Simeon (who built a wacky mansion in California), Levi (who makes kind of crappy bluejeans), Judah (who is now a judge on syndicated television), Issachar (my personal favorite), Zebulun (who built a mountain in Colorado and invented the warp drive), Dinah (who had a TV show in the late 1960's), Joseph Jr. (who basically just copied everything that his dad did), Benjamin (now noted for inventing the $100 bill), Dan (as in Dan Tanna of TV's VEGAS), Naphtali (who invented mothballs), Gad (who was a real gadfly), and Asher (who pulls Santa's sleigh).

Do you see an Ephraim in there? No? Then that means that Ephraim was not one of Joseph's sons! He was, in fact, a son of Dan. So, anyone of the house of Ephraim (father of the heroine of TV's Remington Steele) was also of the house of Dan (they pretty much had a lock on TV production in the late 20th century). Case closed.

[Brother V]

Originally Posted by Ahimaaz Smith

Do you see an Ephraim in there? No? Then that means that Ephraim was not one of Joseph's sons! He was, in fact, a son of Dan. So, anyone of the house of Ephraim (father of the heroine of TV's Remington Steele) was also of the house of Dan (they pretty much had a lock on TV production in the late 20th century). Case closed.

I hate to contradict you brother, but the 12 tribes for division of property didn't include Dinah. Also, Joseph's two boys each got a part of the inheritance. Those being Ephriam, and Manasseh.

The Levites didn't get a section of land, they got some towns in each of the others inheritance. So the 12 tribes for land purposes were (in no particular order):

1. Reuben
2. Gad
3. Simeon
4. Naphtali
5. Asher
6. Benjamin
7. Dan
8. Issachar
9. Judah
10. Zebulun
11. Ephriam
12. Manasseh

Dinah received no inheritance. In fact, outside of Genesis, Dinah isn't mentioned. Therefore, she had no children and would have had no inheritance to pass on.

YIC
V