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Default Day 199. Song of Solomon 1-4 (WARNING NC-17) - 09-23-2009, 04:18 PM

Song of Solomon 1-4

Song of Solomon 1

1 The song of songs, which is Solomon's.

Welcome to Biblical (KJV1611) Porn. Song of Solomon, also known as the Song of Songs, is a book that seems to be a love story. It is the story of love between a man and his wife. Some scholars take this book as showing the love between God and Israel, or between Jesus and his church. Song of Solomon (song of songs) is the third book attributed to Solomon, the other two we just finished; Proverbs and Ecclesiastes. If they are written by Solomon, there is some confusion as to which was written first. Some people accept the KJV order as the timeline, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, SoS. Others take it to be Proverbs, SoS, Ecclesiastes. Still others think SoS, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes. My view is Proverbs, SoS, Ecclesiastes (or SoS, Proverbs; I don't see any way that Ecclesiastes could have been written by the same person BEFORE the other two).

If you remember back to Ecclesiastes, the words "vanity of vanities" were used. That meant the highest of all the vanity, the top 1% of all vanities. Today, we'll get to the "song of songs" the best song of all the songs. Jesus is the Lord of Lords, the King of Kings, this is the creme dela creme of songs.

2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.

If Solomon wrote this as just a love story to one of his wives, then he had a favorite, we aren't sure who that is. He probably wrote 1000 different version of this and gave it to all his wives/concubines, and this was the only copy that survived. You may think it would be great to have 1000 women to have sex with, but think about the logistics of the matter. In married couples that have been around for a while, they sometimes get down to having bi-annual sex. Once on the anniversary, once on the man's birthday. Solomon wouldn't be having sex on his birthday with all his wives, he'd be doing it on their birthday. Just by the average, each day there would be 3 wives who had a birthday. Each day, there would be 3 wives that had an anniversary. That man, if he only had sex with each wife/concubine twice a year, still had sex 2000 times a year, and roughly 6 times a day. No wonder he had so much treasure, he never had time to spend any of it.

If he managed to marry a girl on her birthday, that would reduce his sex load a bit. The man had to drink a lot of fluids.

5 I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon.

The first part of this story is written from the women's perspective. We know that she's black, so you gotta think that he probably did write a thousand different versions, including "I am yellow, but comely," "I am white, but comely", "I am kinda tan, but comely", "I could probably stand to lose a few pounds, but comely". I am black, but comely is a veiled insult. He basically said "For being black, you are kinda hot". Why isn't she just kinda hot, why did he have to make it racist? Just because you are married to a black person, doesn't mean you aren't a racist.

6 Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother's children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept.

That's one generation of evolution, the reason the person is black, is because they worked in the field.

Additionally, the person needs to trim a bit, perhaps get a brazilian.

9 I have compared thee, O my love, to a company of horses in Pharaoh's chariots.

Sure, now he's saying that she's fast, just because she's black.

15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.

Why is Solomon telling the world that he has doves eyes?

16 Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green.

Green routinely means NEW. So this may be a poem written for a wedding night. Solomon gave his wife a dirty little poem to read, to get her in the mood for their first time.

Song of Solomon 2

1 I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys.

We are still getting it from the woman's perspective. The Rose of Sharon is not a real flower, it was a catch phrase to group a bunch of flowers, to one person it could be a rose, to another, it could be a crocus, (many people believe it to be a crocus). The term is generic enough, that saying it to several women, would evoke a different species. When you have 1000 wives/concubines, you probably don't know all their names, I'm sure you call most of them "honey".

2 As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters.

Now, he's letting her know that among the rest of his women, SHE is the special one.

3 As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

She is a flower, he is a tree. She's the lily, he's an apple.

7 I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.

She's now begging that the rest of the women don't bother him while he's with her. Thank goodness they didn't have cellphones then, because he'd be getting texts and calls when he was trying to be intimate with each of the other wives "when are you coming home" "did you forget my birthday" "it's our anniversary" "can you get some milk"

9 My beloved is like a roe or a young hart: behold, he standeth behind our wall, he looketh forth at the windows, shewing himself through the lattice.

Solomon compares himself to a deer. His black wife is a horse, and he's a deer.

11 For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone;

This would be the spring time poem.

12 The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;

13 The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.

He probably had winter, summer, and fall poems too.

12 The harvest is ready for plucking, the birds are flying south, the aphids are really bothering me

13 The figs are ready for plucking, the grapes are full and purple. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.

12 The fields gathereth snow, the birds are gone a south, it is cold so we should snuggle

13 The fig trees are barren, the vines are shriveled. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.

12 The plants are growing nicely, birds are chirping, dogs are barking.

13 The fig trees grow their figs, the grapes grow big clusters. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.

17 Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, turn, my beloved, and be thou like a roe or a young hart upon the mountains of Bether.

He's telling her he will be with her all night long, although he's probably got 5 others to do that night as well.

Song of Solomon 3

1 By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.

That's because he has 999 other women in his life.

2 I will rise now, and go about the city in the streets, and in the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.

He's not in the streets, he's banging one of his other women.

3 The watchmen that go about the city found me: to whom I said, Saw ye him whom my soul loveth?

And they were like... "uh.. no.. I didn't see Solomon... he... um... said he was going to your place... I don't know where he could be"

4 It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him, and would not let him go, until I had brought him into my mother's house, and into the chamber of her that conceived me.

Did he have some other girls lipstick on his collar?

And why are you going to do him on your parents bed? That's just nasty. Especially when you claim it's the same room that you were conceived in. Your parents did it in there!

5 I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.

Just one night, it's my birthday!

7 Behold his bed, which is Solomon's; threescore valiant men are about it, of the valiant of Israel.

Why are there 60 men standing around the bed?

8 They all hold swords, being expert in war: every man hath his sword upon his thigh because of fear in the night.

Couldn't they be outside the door? Why are they guarding the bed? How big does a bed have to be to have 60 men around the outside of it? How many women can you fit on a bed, that is surrounded by 60 men?

11 Go forth, O ye daughters of Zion, and behold king Solomon with the crown wherewith his mother crowned him in the day of his espousals, and in the day of the gladness of his heart.

Did he wear the same outfit for each wedding? Did his mother attend all the weddings?

Song of Solomon 4

1 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead.

Hair like a flock of goats... This is still the woman talking about Solomon (or Solomon talking about himself). Wait, no, this is Solomon talking about the girl now. Ladies, next time your man tells you that you have hair like a goat, it's a compliment.

2 Thy teeth are like a flock of sheep that are even shorn, which came up from the washing; whereof every one bear twins, and none is barren among them.

She has nice teeth.

4 Thy neck is like the tower of David builded for an armoury, whereon there hang a thousand bucklers, all shields of mighty men.

She has a long neck.

5 Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies.

She has nice boobies. They remind him of deer. They match.

7 Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.

She has no birthmarks, moles, or tanlines.

9 Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck.

Um... sister? Perhaps he feels a close kinship to her. Maybe he's grown up with her (like she's her neighbour) and then she blossomed into a hot chick.

10 How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! how much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments than all spices!

Like the relationship with Donna on that 70's show. It wasn't until after they both hit puberty and had been in other relationships that their romance kindled. They just really like spending time together.

12 A garden inclosed is my sister, my spouse; a spring shut up, a fountain sealed.

He built a fence around his garden. She has some nice fruits too, if you know what I mean...

16 Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.

Oral sex between married couples seems to be acceptable.

So what have we learned today?

1. Solomon was really high on himself.

2. Solomon uses a lot of interesting imagery.

3. Solomon loves his sister/wife.

(Or Jesus loves his church alot, and uses sexual metaphors to get his point across)

(Or God loves Israel a lot and wants to have sex with it)


Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.
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