A suggestion to the Mayor

[Benedict A. Davis]

Mayor JJ,
While downtown at the hardware store I saw an altercation between 6 of our fine City Police officers and a gang of what might have been 1 nigra and 2 messicans who were being arrested for trying to cross the street against the light. Those lights are there for a reason and people have to respect the law, even if that part of downtown is pedestrian only. My issue with the situation was the inordinate length of time the officers had to keep this gang from running riot in a public place. The time consuming part of this arrest was that our officers had to waste time reading these criminals their Miranda rights. if it weren't for this the officers could have swooped in ,en masse of course, given this gang of thugs a quick beat down and had them on the way to the cells in minutes!
my idea is this, could we use a billboard , on the edge of town, print the Miranda in 3 languages and english of course, so everyone entering the city limits will have had their rights presented to them and the process of arresting criminals is one step closer to being done. I think the languages we should place on the billboard are Swahili,Aramaic[ancient Aramaic of course]and Flemish. English translation printed as a citation.

If the billboard idea is not agreeable I might suggest that the Police drive through certain areas and broadcast the Miranda rights over their loudspeakers, in as many languages as you would like, Both of these plans effectively pre-Mirandize the whole lot and one less worry for our officers.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: A suggestion to the Mayor

Mr. Davis--That is a wonderful suggestion. A billboard would cover that pesky "rights" thing just fine. When you think about it, why aren't those stupid rights read on the nightly Fox News.

If they were read there, no Police Officer in the U. S. would have to read these to any scum of the earth.

Do we have any LBC friends who could fund the billboard.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: A suggestion to the Mayor

Is there some ways we could invent a form of tazer that automatically plays a recording of someone reading those pesky "rights" every time it is fired? They can't claim they were too distracted to hear it, it's not like they'll be doing anything interesting after being tazered.

[James Dewitt]

Re: A suggestion to the Mayor

Mr. Davis--That is a wonderful suggestion. A billboard would cover that pesky "rights" thing just fine. When you think about it, why aren't those stupid rights read on the nightly Fox News.

If they were read there, no Police Officer in the U. S. would have to read these to any scum of the earth.

Do we have any LBC friends who could fund the billboard.

My check book is open, and I have a pen. I am not afraid to use them. A bill board is a great idea. as for the loud speakers, put them on top of the garbage trucks. You know how crowded it gets around the trucks on trash day, them nigra's and Messicants are as thick as flies on a turd.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: A suggestion to the Mayor

My check book is open, and I have a pen. I am not afraid to use them. A bill board is a great idea. as for the loud speakers, put them on top of the garbage trucks. You know how crowded it gets around the trucks on trash day, them nigra's and Messicants are as thick as flies on a turd.

Recorded messages on garbage trucks!!! Talk about an great idea. That's why we in Freehold lead the nation in innovative local government.

And, your good idea led me to think of another. We already have our garbage cans embossed with "Jesus Saves". We could emboss the Miranda Rights right on the cans as well.

Our rate of arrests per hour of police time will skyrocket. We'll be the productivity champs.

[James Dewitt]

Re: A suggestion to the Mayor

Recorded messages on garbage trucks!!! Talk about an great idea. That's why we in Freehold lead the nation in innovative local government.

And, your good idea led me to think of another. We already have our garbage cans embossed with "Jesus Saves". We could emboss the Miranda Rights right on the cans as well.

Our rate of arrests per hour of police time will skyrocket. We'll be the productivity champs.

Now we are cooking with gas. One more suggestion, every month the Nigra's, Messicants, slants and drug addicted whores and Homers pick up their free blocks of Government Cheese. Have a stamp made with the Miranda rights on it. Stamp each package.

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: A suggestion to the Mayor

The stupid liberals and their minions of minorities are SOOOOOO predictable in the way they distort statistics and facts to complain about their so-called "unfair treatment." They'll point to the 46 Negro suspects and 18 Messican suspects who were shot in self-defense by Freehold police last year and distort the facts by pointing to the 2010 Census figures showing only 93 Negroes and 62 Messicans living within the city limits. They'll say, "nearly half of the minority residents of Freehold, Iowa were shot by police last year," neglecting to mention that several of them were visiting their relatives from out of town!

Moreover, it's not our fault if the Negroes and Messicans are too lazy or afraid to answer the door when the census workers knock. I suspect that there are many, many more Negroes living in Freehold than the numbers show, so the shootings of minorities are probably much closer to 30% of all citizens than 50%.

But what else would you expect from lying liberals and belly-aching, whining minorities with their sense of entitlement? Disgusting.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: A suggestion to the Mayor

With all these great ideas coming in I would like to offer a slight variation to my original thought concerning the billboard. If you are planning on having the Miranda rights in print in other places it might be overkill to have them in block letters as you enter the town, it might give folks the impression that we were not the welcoming kind of community. We could use the billboard to say something positive about our town, maybe a large picture of Pastor Zeke welcoming everyone to our fair town. The bill board could contain just one small line to remind visitoros that ''If you are unsure of your miranda rights, just ask any of our friendly police officers''! Friendly enough right?
There is a subtly here that criminal types won't catch on to, A persona only needs to know their rights if they were planning on breaking the law. Someone stops an officer and asks about their Miranda rights and BAM! you arrest them on the spot for suspicion of committing a crime . I do believe the billboard will pay for itself, including the Pastor's honorarium for appearing on the Welcome Sign, in a couple of weeks.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: A suggestion to the Mayor

. We could use the billboard to say something positive about our town, maybe a large picture of Pastor Zeke welcoming everyone to our fair town. The bill board could contain just one small line to remind visitoros that ''If you are unsure of your miranda rights, just ask any of our friendly police officers''!

I'm fine with that but just make sure this time that you hang my portraits up high. Last time we tried this they were all stolen by queers wanting to worship me as a sex god or something.

Just because Jesus Blessed me with the same blond hair and blue eyes that He has, and just because I was Blessed with rock hard abs and a nubile body that won't stop, it doesn't mean that I want to commit sodomy with every homer in Iowa.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: A suggestion to the Mayor

Just another thought on all of this. We have to remember that one of the problems with having Policemen read the Miranda is that the criminals often actually hear it.

I would be better if the Miranda was presented in a way that was legal, but that the criminals don't notice it, hear it or see it. I suppose writing it in invisable ink would not be legal, but that would be a perfect solution.

Maybe we can post somewhere that criminals never see.

JJH

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: A suggestion to the Mayor

I see that Brother Benedict has conspired to once again convince my Board that the congregation should not visit Freehold.

Upon viewing this thread, Mrs. Davies ran to call Board members and tell them about Freehold's ongoing crime wave, which apparently began right after Mayor Johny Toe Holdstein got elected.

"They have to post criminals' rights on billboards, because they make so many arrests and it takes up too much time," she cried.

While her husband, Jefferson Davies, told me to pass along his admiration for the town's "commitment to Lean principles" and "focus on value-added activities", he and the rest of the Board thought that reading someone his or her rights should happen with such infrequency as never to be the focus of a cost-cutting effort, and that Freehold is far too dangerous a place under Mayor Dinkins Holdenberg. They simply do not want to bring North Salem's women and children into such a gang-ridden cesspool of depravity and violence.

My congregation will not be attending the Spring Pie-Off.

On a completely unrelated subject, I will be driving through Iowa on a leg of my truck stop ministry, conveniently enough right about the same time as the Spring Pie-Off.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: A suggestion to the Mayor

Just to illustrate how important this issue is, I'm passing along this news about prisons that do not have enough prisoners.

The wonderful innovation of building dozens of for-profit prisons is running into trouble. The U. S. prision population is falling and the godly towns who built these prisons are closing them. The towns are stuck with outstanding debt to pay off.

The solution is to quit reading these Pandering Rights to criminals. They learn they have a right to a lawyer and some of them get set free. No Miranda Rights and the prisons will fill up again.

This is the story about the problem:

http://www.npr.org/2011/03/28/134855801/private-prison-promises-leave-texas-towns-in-trouble

[WWJDnow]

Re: A suggestion to the Mayor

I've read the Bible front cover to back and back to the front again, and nowhere does it give sinners any rights. Sometimes I think it would be easier just for Freehold's Finest to let the criminals walk free and have a Landover Baptist Church sin posse handle the whole business of punishing these sociopaths.

[HTannor]

Re: A suggestion to the Mayor

Whatever the outcome of these Godly Suggestions(tm), my court stands ready to speed the flow from street to stir.