Choo-choo Choking

[Old Man Hatchet]

My 16 month old grandson has developed a habit of shamefully playing with his choo-choo. He tugs on it and kneads it with his grubby little fingers, often giggling with pleasure and beaming with pride that he is serving his master, Satan. The child's mother, my daughter, finds this behavior "cute" and claims all little boys indulge themselves in this manner. "Why," she said, "even the baby Jesus probably did a bit of exploring." I thrashed her without hesitation for this glib remark.

Friends, I never touched myself in this fashion, and the result is the pillar of virtue that writes this post today. Young boys that fondle their genitals grow up to be perverts.



If you permit your infant son to gratify himself, you might as well take him to a Chinkie massage parlor. It's no different in the eyes of the Lord.

I am seeking True Christian™ recommendations on how to deal with this unsavoriness.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Choo-choo Touching

Brother, I have several gallons of highly refined capsaicin oil which you can smear on your grandson's hands. If he touches his choo-choo with that he will NEVER touch it again.

[SUV]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

I keep hearing all this talk of choo-choos around here. I was going to ask Jesus for one for Christmas because I wanted one really bad - like the one I played with as a young girl - but apparently they have now gone out of style and are considered a Bad thing. Humbugs.

All Right - How about a great big old stuffed thing then? Maybe Barney?

SUV

[Ixi]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

What will you do about it then?

[MoonFlower]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

What will you do about it then?

Who are you talking to and do about what??

Moon

[Ixi]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

What will he do about his grandson playing with himself?

[MoonFlower]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

What will he do about his grandson playing with himself?

Ah, well I don't think he's gotten enough advise on the matter to make a dicision. Got any ideas? I sure as hell don't.

Moon

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

Ah, well I don't think he's gotten enough advise on the matter to make a dicision. Got any ideas? I sure as hell don't.

Moon

We usually recommend that you take a small ruler and ~WHAP~ his choo-choo every time he touches it. Aversion therapy it's called.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Choo-choo Touching

Brother, I have several gallons of highly refined capsaicin oil which you can smear on your grandson's hands. Of he touches his choo-choo with that he will NEVER touch it again.

Really, Pastor? I'm surprised you didn't suggest tiger balm or chili oil.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Choo-choo Touching

Really, Pastor? I'm surprised you didn't suggest tiger balm or chili oil.

Chili oil is a weak sister of this stuff. It's only a couple percent capsaicin.

[Elmer Christianson]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

I am a bit put off that nobody has suggested a good Godly spankning! My daddy would have given me the buggy whip if he had caught me playing with my wedding tackle. You'd best tell that toddler that if he touches it again Jesus is gonna turn him into a Barbie Doll!

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Choo-choo Touching

Chili oil is a weak sister of this stuff. It's only a couple percent capsaicin.

If you put anything like that on his hands, it's unlikely he would touch ANYTHING again.

[SUV]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

What will he do about his grandson playing with himself?

Why of course he'll enroll him in a Children's Playgroup immediately! How horrible for a Christian Child to be looked upon as some sort of Dreaded Loner!

SUV

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

I am a bit put off that nobody has suggested a good Godly spankning! My daddy would have given me the buggy whip if he had caught me playing with my wedding tackle. You'd best tell that toddler that if he touches it again Jesus is gonna turn him into a Barbie Doll!

I pray the boy should be so lucky. However, Brother Hatchet could place a tightly-wound rubber band around the offending choo-choo (and those other bobbly bits); the infant would soon associate his groin with terrible pain, which only abates with the blackening and the dropping-off of his unmentionables ... behold, a new Eunuch for Christ©.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

My 16 month old grandson has developed a habit of shamefully playing with his choo-choo. He tugs on it and kneads it with his grubby little fingers, often giggling with pleasure and beaming with pride that he is serving his master, Satan. The child's mother, my daughter, finds this behavior "cute" and claims all little boys indulge themselves in this manner. "Why," she said, "even the baby Jesus probably did a bit of exploring." I thrashed her without hesitation for this glib remark.

Friends, I never touched myself in this fashion, and the result is the pillar of virtue that writes this post today. Young boys that fondle their genitals grow up to be perverts.


If you permit your infant son to gratify himself, you might as well take him to a Chinkie massage parlor. It's no different in the eyes of the Lord.

I am seeking True Christian™ recommendations on how to deal with this unsavoriness.

Swaddling is the answer.