[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

The terrorist who shot 90 or so children in the face has been identified as a Christian conservative, but this can't be true, because he obviously didn't believe in the rapture. For example, take the name of his Manefesto:

2083 – A European Declaration of Independence

Sure, it's got nice Tea-Party rhetoric (he's an admirer of our Tea Party), but everybody knows the year 2083 will never come, since that's beyond the lifetime of this generation, and Jesus promised that he would return within one generation. (Mt.16:28, Mt.23:36, Mt.24:34, Mt.26:64, Mk.9:1, Mk.13:30, Lk.9:27, Lk.21:32, Phil.4:5, Heb.1:2, Rev.22:20) If you don't believe His promise to return within a generation's time, you believe Jesus is a liar, and thus you're no Christian.

See, we don't need to worry about Europe being overrun by muslim birthrates because Jesus will return and kill everybody (Rev 19:13-15, Rev 19:20-21) before that's an issue. Sure, we hate Muslims and feminist babykillers, but only because God hates them(Psalm 139:22), not because of any concern for long-term demographics. There is no long term.

This is why you're not a real Christian if you haven't borrowed all the money you can, to give to your church. The rapture will come before you have to pay the money back. As for food, that's what credit cards are for. When they come to collect the bill the seas will turn to blood(Rev 16:3) and the stars will fall to earth(Rev 6:13), as the Book of Revelations teaches us.

So please, people, even though we know from Fox News that the terrorists are winning because terrorism works, even though every conservative news source tells us that the only way to stop Muslims from taking over is war without limits - violence without any restraint - please don't go around shooting children in the face. Jesus will soon do it for you(Psalm 137:9).)

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

He's definately not one of us. He himself admits that he's a girly-man:

"I do not approve of the super-liberal, matriarchal upbringing as it completely lacked discipline and has contributed to feminising me to a certain degree."

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

First of all, at least he's man enough to admit he's unmanly. Secondly, HE WAS FRAMED!

I'm sure you'll recognize his alibi: