plese help me!

[2_c_da_light]

so the peerson on the conputer before me had this open and the screen still light, so i desided to join. how good lucky! thats the phrase, i think? hear's my problem. i trully hear a voice. and do not think that i have that skito sikness becaus i don't it was a miricle. but i don't know about miricles much due to being povertish and noone gave me the bible to read when i was child. therefor, i really need gidance hear. will you honoring pastors who have time for this web and live and make monie too teatch me the bible? i really beleve. i just do not know how too warship.

[TheLordSavedMe]

Re: plese help me!

Really?

I mean seriously?


Tammi

[Halleluyah Rob]

Re: plese help me!

By your speech alone I can tell you suffer from a serious form of retardation, and the fact that you're hearing voices is yet another sign.

Worshiping is easy to get set up, but it's work to follow through. I advise you to go out and buy a King James Bible, and that version only. You will then have to scrutinize every passage, cover to cover, until you have a fuller understanding of God's true calling. The Bible is the solution to ALL problems, refer to it for any issue you're facing.
Hopefully you're capable of reading it .

As for your retardation, I suggest you see a doctor immediately.

[2_c_da_light]

Re: plese help me!

halellujah rob, please teach me. please dont shut out me because i am diferent and i don't have doctor. are you doctor? i want to passage the bible but you see i dont have one. mam said it will have hurt my eyes and i culd rede the pikchurs in sted so i dont have one and i need one.

[Halleluyah Rob]

Re: plese help me!

halellujah rob, please teach me. please dont shut out me because i am diferent and i don't have doctor. are you doctor? i want to passage the bible but you see i dont have one. mam said it will have hurt my eyes and i culd rede the pikchurs in sted so i dont have one and i need one.

Get lost, God-mocker.

[2_c_da_light]

Re: plese help me!

get lost? don't be so meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan. don't rub more salt into my festering wounds. how can i possibly get lost when i'm already Lost and destined to go to hell? goodness, a poor person tries to get saved and she gets kicked out! censorship! i'm ashamed of you guys. i am not mocking anyone or anything. except for maybe you, smug bastard. an average person would spend like an hour on this site and call it quits, whereas you actually participate in this idiocy for 100+ posts. this is the cheapest form of entertainment i've ever witnessed. the only god i mock is the god of idiots. and you have obviously been learning from HIM.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: plese help me!

Well I see your typing has dramatically improved. It's a miracle!

So, really, tell us why you are here. Why do you hate Jesus?

[2_c_da_light]

Re: plese help me!

i solemnly admit to owning one grammar book and one dictionary, which i have found in my suitcase and am now laboriously perusing. i'm here, actually, because i don't feel like working at the moment. the more work, the less will. i'm a victim of sloth, i'll freely admit it! jesus? cool guy. don't know enough about him to hate him. and why, sir, are you here?

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: plese help me!

Hmm, why would a pastor be on a Christian forum? Yea, that is a tough question to figure out.

Nonetheless, I hate to see people go unsaved, no matter how vexatious or foolish they are, so I would like you to introduce you to a friend. His name is Jesus. The best introduction to Jesus would be the book of John in the King James Bible.

Since you don't have a Bible, you can read it for free at www.biblegateway.com. Make sure you read the King James Version only! Ignore anything from the NIV or RSV.

[2_c_da_light]

Re: plese help me!

yes...i see, you're willing to pull me up from the dregs of sin and save me? please make more of an effort then! i do have a sincere wish to ascend into a good afterlife. i've just found out from a another christian's post that jesus had a middle name. must've been important to have one at such an early date. tell me, what does the H. stand for? (i'm really, really curious)

[TheLordSavedMe]

Re: plese help me!

get lost? don't be so meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan. don't rub more salt into my festering wounds. how can i possibly get lost when i'm already Lost and destined to go to hell? goodness, a poor person tries to get saved and she gets kicked out! censorship! i'm ashamed of you guys. i am not mocking anyone or anything. except for maybe you, smug bastard. an average person would spend like an hour on this site and call it quits, whereas you actually participate in this idiocy for 100+ posts. this is the cheapest form of entertainment i've ever witnessed. the only god i mock is the god of idiots. and you have obviously been learning from HIM.

You're an unfunny liar who is going to HELL!!!

I'm not usually like this, but you have made me so mad! I hope the Devil puts his THING in all your stupid holes for EVER and EVER!!!

You're a liar and I HATE LIARS!!! And so does JESUS AND GOD!!!

I clicked on your supposed website, and it's not yours at ALL, unless you're are a stupid foreigner WHORE!!!

I hope you die soon!


Tammi

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: plese help me!

Actually, Christ is not Jesus's surname (for he had none, his father was God), but rather a title.

Now, here is a prayer especially made for sinners like you. What you need to do is recite this out loud, and with all honesty.

Dear Lord Jesus,

I know that I am worthless. I know I am completely pathetic and miserable, dirty, evil, sinful, disgusting. I am the lowest of lows. I am a worm. Less than a worm. I don't even deserve to live. In short, I am exactly as you have created me. Dear wonderful, perfect God, I beg you for forgiveness for having been born imperfectly. I beg and plead down on my knees that I not be sent into a fire to be tormented and tortured forever and ever and ever because a distant ancestor of mine ate the wrong fruit. I ask You, who are perfect in mercy, to please try to find some way of receiving me into Your Eternal Kingdom even though I have disgraced You by not worshiping and adoring you up till now. So I ask that you pour the blood of Your only Son who is Yourself and died temporarily on the cross for me. I understand that this is the only way You could ever forgive me, oh Divine Master. I accept You as my personal savior, from now on I'll do absolutely everything you tell me to do. I'll follow the rules of the Bible to the letter and never sin again. I pray this in the name of You and of Your Father, and of the Holy Spirit who conceived You and is also You. Amen.

If you repeated those words just now, then I tell you, you have been saved! Now all you need to do is get baptized and never sin again, and you're in the clear.

[2_c_da_light]

Re: plese help me!

right back at ya, hun.
i may not make it into heaven after death, but consciousness is what i hope for. whether that be with Your God™, in limbo, or in hell doesn't make much difference to me.

i see that you're wearing short sleeves. didn't Your God™ tell you that short sleeves are obscene? i couldn't quite hear what He™ was saying, but i'm pretty sure short sleeves are a path to sin. if you can hear Your God™ calling me a whore, why don't you change into a nice, baggy long-sleeve turtleneck to protect your virtue for Him™? just a suggestion from one girl to another.

please, don't waste your holy wishes on me. one day, i will die. (i'd hate to mention this, but surely it will be after your own death, since you are wearing short sleeves and i'm not)

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: plese help me!

Can you show us Scripture where it says short sleeves will send you to Hell?

Also, you have no right to judge Tammi seeing that you are not a Christian. Non-Christians cannot judge Christians.

1 Corinthians 2:15 But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.

[2_c_da_light]

Re: plese help me!

Actually, Christ is not Jesus's surname (for he had none, his father was God), but rather a title.

If you repeated those words just now, then I tell you, you have been saved! Now all you need to do is get baptized and never sin again, and you're in the clear.

Just one question, though. What if I accidentally sin. Sometimes billboards along the highways are obscene, you know, and I can't help seeing because I'm not blind and I need to look at the road signs. So how would I get resaved?

actually, i lied--i mean, i sinned. i have two questions. do i have to grovel on my knees while saying the prayer, or just believe in my mind the fearsomeness of god™?

oooh, how i do judge. i'm a judgemental judging judger. do christians judge each other? is there a way to see inside someone's head through this forum and tell whether they're thinking true christian thoughts? what time is it in your area? shouldn't you be asleep like a normal hardworking american (god™ bless america)?