How can I stop Jehovah’s witnesses from knocking on my door?

[BibleReader2231]

Recently, my Pa and I have had problems with Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses knocking on our door at all hours and stuffing pamphlets in between the door cracks. I’ve tried telling them that I’m not interested and that they’re wrong but they are being pushy and telling me I should give them a try. I’ve tried showing off my pink AR-15 with Romans 12:19 imprinted on it that I got for my birthday hoping it would get a message across but they just end up complimenting me. I didn’t even think Mormons or False witnesses read The Bible. Like, what do they want and how can I get rid of them for good?

Side Note: Where I live, stand your ground laws were repealed.

[handmaiden]

Re: How can I stop Jehovah’s witnesses from knocking on my door?

A former friend of mine (unbeliever) used to suggest answering the door while holding a bloody knife in your hand. A friend of hers gave her a bottle of fake blood to work with.

She said that it was important to have an impatient look on your face and mutter something about being right in the middle of an important ritual ending with "that goat ain't gonna sacrifice itself".


Of course, if you don't want to play act being a pagan, you can print up one or two of your favorite verses on slips of paper and wave that in their faces when they try to give you their literature.

Remember to tell them that you'll be praying for them.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: How can I stop Jehovah’s witnesses from knocking on my door?

If they are young women, give them an invitation to visit Landover Baptist Church. Slip them this picture. And, in a low voice ask, "Would you like to meet him?"

[Vengeance Puriel]

Re: How can I stop Jehovah’s witnesses from knocking on my door?

Recently, my Pa and I have had problems with Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses knocking on our door at all hours and stuffing pamphlets in between the door cracks. I’ve tried telling them that I’m not interested and that they’re wrong but they are being pushy and telling me I should give them a try. I’ve tried showing off my pink AR-15 with Romans 12:19 imprinted on it that I got for my birthday hoping it would get a message across but they just end up complimenting me. I didn’t even think Mormons or False witnesses read The Bible. Like, what do they want and how can I get rid of them for good?

Side Note: Where I live, stand your ground laws were repealed.

Just say your a committed Baptist, and your very happy with your church.

[Isabella White]

Re: How can I stop Jehovah’s witnesses from knocking on my door?

Oh, dear Sister Maxine, well, what works for me is I just open the door and glare at them. Sometimes I will put on some scary organ music when I see them coming up the walkway, but a stern glare as I look over my reading glasses is usually all that's needed. But since you're only 17 and still have your youthful beauty, have you considered turning the garden hose on them when you're doing the garden work? Or does your Pa use only goats to take care of that chore?

A blessed evening to you, Dear,
Sincerely, Isabella W.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: How can I stop Jehovah’s witnesses from knocking on my door?

Have you heard of The 7th Day Adventists? Another crackpot sect promoting "prophecies" opposed to what God has already revealed. It's really very simple to compare, for example, page 1 of The Bible with Adventist ravings as follows:

Originally Posted by Ellen G. White

http://centrowhite.org.br/files/ebooks/egw-english/books/Christian%20Temperance%20and%20Bible%20Hygiene.pdf

page31f. .Tea and coffee produce an immediate effect. Under the influence of these poisons the nervous system is excited, and in some cases, for the time being, the intellect seems to be invigorated, the imagination more vivid. Because these stimulants produce such agreeable results, many conclude that they really need them; but there is always a reaction. The nervous system has borrowed power from its future resources for present use, and all this temporary invigoration is followed by a corresponding depression. The suddenness of the relief obtained from tea and coffee, is an evidence that what seems to be strength is only nervous excitement, and consequently must be an injury to the system.

The appetite thus educated to crave continually something stronger, demands an increase of the agreeable excitement. Its demands become more frequent, and more difficult to control. The more debilitated the system and the less able to do without unnatural stimulus, the more the desire for these things increases, until the will is overborne, and there seems to be no power to deny the unnatural craving.

When there has been a departure from the right path, it is difficult to return. Barriers have been broken down, safeguards removed. One step in the wrong direction prepares the way for another. The least deviation from right principles will lead to separation from God, and may end in destruction.

She's just getting warmed up. Skipping a few pages (where she decries growing hops of all things) and I'm sure you'll appreciate my longer than usual quote, we come to:

page34. .Tea is a stimulant, and to a certain extent produces intoxication. It gradually impairs the energy of body and mind. Its first effect is exhilarating, because it quickens the motions of the living machinery; and the tea-drinker thinks that it is doing him great service. But this is a mistake. When its influence is gone, the unnatural force abates, and the result is languor and debility corresponding to the artificial vivacity imparted. The second effect of tea drinking is headache, wakefulness, palpitation of the heart, indigestion, trembling, and many other evils.

Coffee is a hurtful indulgence. It temporarily excites the mind to unwonted action, but the after-effect is exhaustion, prostration, paralysis of the mental, moral, and physical powers. The mind becomes enervated, and unless through determined effort the habit is overcome, the activity of the brain is permanently lessened.

All these nerve irritants are wearing away the life-forces, and the restlessness caused by shattered nerves, the impatience, the mental feebleness, become a warring element, antagonizing to spiritual progress.

Ellen White, heretic

Compare and contrast:..

Genesis 1:29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat

Recently there's been a poster or two seemingly unable to connect words with their meanings. I'm sure you're not in that category but just in case they're reading I'll explain what every herb bearing seed means using words of one syllable in blue.

God does not mean all herbs with seed but not tea poo! yuck!! You must not drink tea!!! .. Or cof-fee!!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!!

As you can see, even if God had said that, He'd be laying it on pretty thin compared to Ellen White who goes on for 162 pages concluding with the supreme irony:

page162. .Those whose moral faculties are beclouded by disease are not the ones rightly to represent the Christian life or the beauties of holiness. They are too often in the fire of fanaticism, or the water of cold indifference or stolid gloom. The words of Christ are of more worth than the opinions of all the physicians in the universe……

I don't know what sort of tea was available back then. Beclouded moral faculties? The fires of fanaticism? She must have the stuff pumping in on an intravenous drip!

If by some chance you were undergoing a visit from Adventists when the others arrived because you'd made an appointment (which they like) there could be some interesting and, from your point of view, informative discussions between the different parties. I always offer some cakes and tea or coffee to my visitors and do not make an exception in these cases. One point you could look up is whether "Christians" should avoid coffee because savages drink it and therefore if a "Christian" drank it they'd be participating in a savage ritual. I counter such claims by pointing out that savages also breathe air and very often drink water as part of their rituals. Leaving them together while you're getting the cake would be the best policy, if you can remember where you put it. Sometimes it takes over an hour rattling saucepans and burning toast before I remember!

[Vengeance Puriel]

Re: How can I stop Jehovah’s witnesses from knocking on my door?

Have you heard of The 7th Day Adventists? Another crackpot sect promoting "prophecies" opposed to what God has already revealed. It's really very simple to compare, for example, page 1 of The Bible with Adventist ravings as follows:



She's just getting warmed up. Skipping a few pages (where she decries growing hops of all things) and I'm sure you'll appreciate my longer than usual quote, we come to:

[ATTACH]28526[/ATTACH]
Ellen White, heretic

Compare and contrast:..

Genesis 1:29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat

Recently there's been a poster or two seemingly unable to connect words with their meanings. I'm sure you're not in that category but just in case they're reading I'll explain what every herb bearing seed means using words of one syllable in blue.

God does not mean all herbs with seed but not tea poo! yuck!! You must not drink tea!!! .. Or cof-fee!!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!!

As you can see, even if God had said that, He'd be laying it on pretty thin compared to Ellen White who goes on for 162 pages concluding with the supreme irony:I don't know what sort of tea was available back then. Beclouded moral faculties? The fires of fanaticism? She must have the stuff pumping in on an intravenous drip!

If by some chance you were undergoing a visit from Adventists when the others arrived because you'd made an appointment (which they like) there could be some interesting and, from your point of view, informative discussions between the different parties. I always offer some cakes and tea or coffee to my visitors and do not make an exception in these cases. One point you could look up is whether "Christians" should avoid coffee because savages drink it and therefore if a "Christian" drank it they'd be participating in a savage ritual. I counter such claims by pointing out that savages also breathe air and very often drink water as part of their rituals. Leaving them together while you're getting the cake would be the best policy, if you can remember where you put it. Sometimes it takes over an hour rattling saucepans and burning toast before I remember!

those people actually scare me.

[Brother Gonzalez]

Re: How can I stop Jehovah’s witnesses from knocking on my door?

Just tell them to go to Hell. They are, anyway, because the hilarious claims they have. The first hillarious claim hey make is that there is no Hell (wtf?)

They claim Jesus was NOT the son of God, but Michael the Archangel in flesh. Do you see how stupid this sounds? It is unbelievable that in the 21st Century there are still people who believe in this kind of fairy tales.
We all know Jesus is the Son of God, as He says in the Bible!


John 3:16 - For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.


They also claim that works are necessary for salvation. Wait, what? We all know faith alone is enough, so doing good works is unnecessary and a waste of precious time.


Ephesians 2:8-9
8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:

9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.



Rebuke them in the name of the Lord. If you have to spend hours trying to convince them, that is the most humanly thing to be done. Otherwise they are going to Hell. EVEN IF THEY DENY THE EXISTENCE OF HELL.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: How can I stop Jehovah’s witnesses from knocking on my door?

If they are young women, give them an invitation to visit Landover Baptist Church. Slip them this picture. And, in a low voice ask, "Would you like to meet him?"

This is the right answer, Brother Mr. Mayor. Jehovah's Witlesses go from home to home not to convert the hapless inhabitant, but to condition their members to believe "the world" is a dark and evil place. The more would-be customers are mean and rude to them, the more it reinforces their worldview that only in the Jehovah Witless program are they safe and secure. A photograph of our charming and manly pastor would make any woman swoon and the men eager to be welcomed under his wing, led like a sheep to the slaughter of their false faith, and taught the Truth™ in a deep, intimate way that only Pastor Zeke can provide.

[Vengeance Puriel]

Re: How can I stop Jehovah’s witnesses from knocking on my door?

Tell them God calls them sinners

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: How can I stop Jehovah’s witnesses from knocking on my door?

Side Note: Where I live, stand your ground laws were repealed.

Make sure you don't shoot any then (Romans 13:1-2). Mor-on warlocks and Satan's Witnesses rarely pose a physical threat to outsiders anyway. But don't read any of their pamphlets, because they do pose an extremely serious spiritual danger.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: How can I stop Jehovah’s witnesses from knocking on my door?

My dog Joshua was once kicked by a mailman and he has developed an extreme dislike of anyone carrying stacks of paper items in their hands or in a bag if he can see them. He is a dog of standard intelligence and has no knowledge of Jesus, or His enemies such as Jehovah's Witnesses. Suffice it to say Joshua has not been saved but he lives in a small cottage I call the dog house near the garden gate and he can be counted on to menace anyone who looks like they may have a stack of The Watchtower, or even mail for that matter, and he will bite the offender if offered a chance. Only the boldest of the Devil's witnesses will attempt to get by Joshua and I always offer them bandages out of Christian charity. Sometimes there is wailing and gnashing of teeth but there is no witnessing.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: How can I stop Jehovah’s witnesses from knocking on my door?

We just have electric fencing around the property and gates at the end of each entry road. The gates are electronically operated and can, if necessary, be remotely charged to deliver a non-lethal but painful shock to anyone who attempts to climb them (though JWs are usually too fat to even try).

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: How can I stop Jehovah’s witnesses from knocking on my door?

To some this product may be a bit controversial and not widely available at your local hardware store, but you can find them online by searching restoration hardware. They are made from solid brass and the design orgin has not been traced, but possibly inspired by the age of Trump. They seem to be effective against Jehovah’s witnesses and Mormons.

[JakubDovac]

Re: How can I stop Jehovah’s witnesses from knocking on my door?

I have dogs...