True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Lately I've been doing a study on the subject of marital harmony (for somewhat personal reasons) and I ran across a copy of the following document among my late grandfather's papers. I think the scoring is excellent and fair, and I recommend that every True Christian™ household have several copies on hand, so that you Godly Husbands might fill them out and keep your wives informed of their weak points on a regular basis.

Call me a modernist, but I'm beginning to come to the conclusion that True Christian™ wives should know in advance the reasons why they're being disciplined.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss

So are you finally actually going to marry Thumper so you can pose as straight?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss

So are you finally actually going to marry Thumper so you can pose as straight?

Oh how typical, derail the thread, fail to respond to the topic, pry into personal affairs and cast aspersions and accusations of abomination! Is there an ounce of goodness in you woman?!

Look, just take the entire test here and let's see what you say you score! (Though why I assume you will be honest I don't know; call me soft and trusting!)- I'm anticipating not much more than 7 for you.

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss

Here you go again Crotch. Why don't you go make a sandwich for your poor persecuted husband ?

So are you finally actually going to marry Thumper so you can pose as straight?

[eliot mayfield]

Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss

Pastor Zeke, better look at number 12 again on the plus side. What kind of wife lets her man sleep late on the Lord's day and miss church???
That is wrong! That should be a minus!

[Bob4God]

Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss

Pastor Zeke, better look at number 12 again on the plaus side. What kind of wife let's her man sleep late on the Lord's day and miss church???
That is wrong! That should be a minus!

Maybe it was prepared by one of those fanatic Seventh-Day Adventist cultists who spit in the LORD's face by keeping Saturday instead of Sunday!

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss

Pastor Zeke, better look at number 12 again on the plus side. What kind of wife let's her man sleep late on the Lord's day and miss church???

Well, Church doesn't start until 9:00 AM, and men don't take long to get ready, so a man can sleep until around 8 or so and still get to church on time. A wife should get up, get herself and the kids ready, and not wake her husband until breakfast is ready.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[eliot mayfield]

Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss

Well, Church doesn't start until 9:00 AM, and men don't take long to get ready, so a man can sleep until around 8 or so and still get to church on time. A wife should get up, get herself and the kids ready, and not wake her husband until breakfast is ready.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

Well, I like a mighty big breakfast on a Sunday morning and not to mention the Sunday Freehold Times is quite a big issue!

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss

Oh how typical, derail the thread, fail to respond to the topic, pry into personal affairs and cast aspersions and accusations of abomination! Is there an ounce of goodness in you woman?!

Look, just take the entire test here and let's see what you say you score! (Though why I assume you will be honest I don't know; call me soft and trusting!)- I'm anticipating not much more than 7 for you.

I took your silly quiz and scored a 49, which is in the average range. But this isn't the 1930's, it's 2008, and according to my husband, I am an excellent wife. And quite frankly, his opinion of me as a spouse is the only one that counts.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss

Here you go again Crotch. Why don't you go make a sandwich for your poor persecuted husband ?

It's his turn to cook and he's making lasagne.

[Jean Poole]

Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss

No doubt your heathenish husband finds you quite acceptable, Iron Crotch. But he has undoubtedly never met a True Christian™ Lady.

Although I thought it was rather a good chart, I felt there needed to be more categories, such as:

Demerits:

* She doesn't obey immediately.
* She has a job outside the home.
* She fails to do the laundry correctly.
* One can detect a speck of dust in the house.
* The house is not decorated beautifully and in a color-coordinated manner.
* The children are not beaten regularly.
* She ever "refuses" you. (How can one "rape" their wives? )

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss

No doubt your heathenish husband finds you quite acceptable, Iron Crotch. But he has undoubtedly never met a True Christian™ Lady.

He's known a few - he finds them boring.

Although I thought it was rather a good chart, I felt there needed to be more categories, such as:

Demerits:

* She doesn't obey immediately.

There was no "obey" in our wedding vows. Neither of us takes orders from the other.

* She has a job outside the home.

We both have jobs. One ncome would not be sufficient to make the housenote, keep the utilities on, etc.

* She fails to do the laundry correctly.

I do my laundry and he does his. We're both very particular about our clothes, and neither of us cares for the way the other does laundry.

* One can detect a speck of dust in the house.

Dust is a fact of life. Even if you dust every day, dust particles will settle out of the air onto surfaces.

* The house is not decorated beautifully and in a color-coordinated manner.

The furniture and drapes in each room match, but neither of us sees much point in all the rooms matching each other. In fact, we prefer a bit of variety in the decor.

* The children are not beaten regularly.

We have no children, but if we did, we would not beat them. We have lots of pets, and we don't beat them either.

* She ever "refuses" you. (How can one "rape" their wives? )

If you're not both in the mood, and you force the issue, it's rape. A wedding ring and a marriage license does not give you the right to sex on demand.

[Nobar King]

Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss

I don't believe this for a minute:

* She fails to do the laundry correctly.

OIC: I do my laundry and he does his. We're both very particular about our clothes, and neither of us cares for the way the other does laundry.

Somehow you've shamed your husband into thinking that he should be doing his own laundry. No man cares how his laundry is done, other than it is done right.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss

I don't believe this for a minute:
Somehow you've shamed your husband into thinking that he should be doing his own laundry. No man cares how his laundry is done, other than it is done right.

Brother Nobar, her "husband" is a limp-wristed queer who lives in a cage most of the time. He's not a Man in the True Christian(tm) sense of the word.

[Nobar King]

Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss

She's even forcing him to substitute pets for children. How insane is that?? This 'man' should force his way with her and make her have children for him. It's the Christian thing to do. She'll thank him later.