[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

You guys, are completely crazy with your religion.

Personnaly, I don't believe in any God or religion. Big Bang theory is for me a good explanation to the creation of the world and the human being.
But I can and I do respect people who believe in a God and just go to church to pray, and do respect the other people who believe in a different religion or don't believe in any religion.

But what I can't and don't respect is people like you who let religion tell them how to live their lives.
By hurting your life because your religion tells you to do so, do you think that you're better than some (not all of them) musulmans who become terrorists and sacrifice their lives with a bomb, killing many innocent people, in the name of their God.

When you let religion tells you how to live your life like that, it becomes very dangerous. Do I have to remember you that religion has been, is, and probably will be responsible for many wars in the world.

So let me give you a little advice : stop letting your religion tell you how to live your life, stop hurting your wife, love her or leave her.
And in answer to your first question, what should you do when she's giving herself pleasure under the shower, replace the retractable shower head by your Tallywhacker And if she disagree, let her put it in your rear end=sodomy, I think you really deserved it.

We are not even slightly interested in your unsaved opinions or advice. If we were to pay attention to you, we'd all end up spending eternity in the lake of fire that Jesus has so lovingly prepared, instead of just you and your fellow God-mockers.

Personally, I can't wait to watch you burn in hell.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

You guys, are completely crazy with your religion.

[An ungodly poster seems to know about religion][…]

But I can and I do respect people who believe in a God and just go to church to pray, and do respect the other people who believe in a different religion

.[Apparent liberal attitude displayed]

But what I can't and don't respect is people like you who let religion tell them how to live their lives.

[Thus contradicting earlier statement. Foaming at the mouth, rabid hatred and ungodliness starts to spew forth]

And in answer to your first question, what should you do when she's giving herself pleasure under the shower, replace the retractable shower head by your Tallywhacker And if she disagree, let her put it in your rear end=sodomy, I think you really deserved it.

[Repressed sexual fantasies start to emerge]

Son, do you see how your meds were working at the beginning and had worn off by the end?

You need the Love of Christ that will drive the demons from your skull and leave you a happier, more contented soul.

[Max Bayes]

Re: Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

Big Bang theory is for me a good explanation to the creation of the world and the human being.

Really? Have you ever seen a nuclear explosion before? Or any sort of explosion? Have you noticed that the only thing it ever tends to create is a crater?

If not, maybe you will. I have a theory that you scientoffs have got it the wrong way round. It started with the Lord, and it'll end with a big bang when He gets rid of all the heathens.

[Nobar King]

Re: Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

After reading this thread a bunch of times this week I decided to duct tape my own showerhead to the bracket to prevent any unwanted self-pleasuring by my female guests.



If you are concerned about this kind of behavior, I suggest you do the same.

(in case anyone's interested, the shower is computerized so I can choose the temp, pressure, and duration of the shower. This product is good if you need an effective way of limiting the time your wife or daughter spends in the shower. For an additional upgrade fee a secret camera and microphone can be added to the panel. They look just like simple LEDs. No one will know why they never light up.)

[Wide-Open]

Re: Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

(in case anyone's interested, the shower is computerized so I can choose the temp, pressure, and duration of the shower. This product is good if you need an effective way of limiting the time your wife or daughter spends in the shower. For an additional upgrade fee a secret camera and microphone can be added to the panel. They look just like simple LEDs. No one will know why they never light up.)

Excellent idea Brother Nobar. I will do the same to my shower at once. It might need a little more Duct tape though, but I guess that comes down to personal preferences.

Can you also send messages on the LED display? Like: "DON'T DO THAT YOU TART" ?

[Nobar King]

Re: Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

Can you also send messages on the LED display? Like: "DON'T DO THAT YOU TART" ?

It would have to be a scrolling message, but I'll see if I can set up something like that.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

After reading this thread a bunch of times this week I decided to duct tape my own showerhead to the bracket to prevent any unwanted self-pleasuring by my female guests.



If you are concerned about this kind of behavior, I suggest you do the same.

(in case anyone's interested, the shower is computerized so I can choose the temp, pressure, and duration of the shower. This product is good if you need an effective way of limiting the time your wife or daughter spends in the shower. For an additional upgrade fee a secret camera and microphone can be added to the panel. They look just like simple LEDs. No one will know why they never light up.)

Excellent solution. Please be sure to message me the IP so I can evaluate the system form my own home. I've been working on a tool to add a correction feature. Using machine vision, if the computer determines actions are or may be inappropriate, a electrical charge is sent down the water line, grounded at the drain. Been testing it on with some of the help here at the farm.

BTW, it appears I need a few new girls to pick the cotton, any suggestions? Also looking for a good burn cream, has to be hypo-allergenic, the Missus is a sensitive flower.

[Mad Prophet Helmholtz]

Re: Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

Praise to all my brothers installing SHOWER CAMS!

I must warn all of you to make sure you monitor your systems constantly so they don't get hacked by SECRET SERVICE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE PROGRAMS INFESTING PRIVATE CLOSED CAMERA SYSTEMS who then relay sensitive information to COMPUTER DATABASE INSIDE MT. RUSHMORE. Government has been doing lots of spying lately. Always has. Watch yourself, gentlemen.

[Max Bayes]

Re: Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

He's got a valid point. You don't want anyone acquiring these images. To do so would make people believe we peddle filth, when we are innocently securing our wives innocence. I think the best policy is one of "avoidance". We should probably have a direct line from camera to a computer that is stored in a secret room, possibly in the basement. This room should also be dark, as not to attract any unwanted heathens to it's presence.

[Mad Prophet Helmholtz]

Re: Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

He's got a valid point. You don't want anyone acquiring these images. To do so would make people believe we peddle filth, when we are innocently securing our wives innocence. I think the best policy is one of "avoidance". We should probably have a direct line from camera to a computer that is stored in a secret room, possibly in the basement. This room should also be dark, as not to attract any unwanted heathens to it's presence.

Thank you Brother Max, and might I point out that the numerous enemies of Landover Church would be thrilled if they could get their hands on video feeds of our womenfolk in the shower. Ranging from perverts trying to get cheap thrills to activist atheist organizations who seek to smear our image, these videos must be protected with the utmost secrecy.

All it takes is for one video to get hacked and soon we will see sites springing up all across the web with names like www.landovershowersluts.com and www.baptistbabesboppin.com

[Vash2341]

Re: Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

First off your wife may have done something in a biblical sense that is wrong, but so have you by punishing her..

The bible is very good for spelling out to people like you what is good and what is bad..it mentions having to be like jesus and follow his footsteps then tells you that no one is perfect like jesus....no were does it mention masturbation, yet it mentions self-pleasures and purity to get into heaven..having even the thoughts of beating our wife is an unpure thought and therefore kept you out of heaven whether you would admit im right or not..and as for self-pleasures, it doesn't limit itself to masterbation it includes everything that gives you pleasures, including that computer your on atm o.0..it mentions giving all your thing away to be truely perfect in god, and yet all your preachers can't practice what you have been saying since the dawn of your falises, and still can't openly admit that your religeon is false, contriditing, and hole ridden as it truely is...now if you can tell me which of the 300 diffrent jesus you are worshiping, by name other then jesus, please tell me, for all you know you could be worshipping a false jesus..

as for the purity of thought keeping you out of heaven, tell me..before you married your wife did you ever think/dream about her or any other women..don't answer cuase i know you have because its the psychological build of every man to have these thought or dreams whether he wants them or not..

moral is what you have based your lifes off of, but the bible is what has taken the morals away and has led to the harassment of your wife..

"Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity EVERY THOUGHT to the obedience of Christ; 2 Corinthians 10:5"

"For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:

All these evil things come from within, and defile the man. Mark 7:21-23"

now tell me..why would the bible openly admit that men always have evil thoughts, then go and say that impure thoughts will lead to your damnation?

wanna know why?

even if i get flamed by a bunch of christians here it is<-- ironic?

Bible was written by man, for man, and revised by man. It has been re-written, and re-written from language to language and never been touched by god.

there you have it, you have been following a heathens book your whole lifes, now go suicide since you found out its not against your laws..

o and god said "Judge not.."..so stop judging people like i have seen althrough these forums and live your life humbly and be rewarded for trying your best..

flame away you will just be breaking your laws from your god and bible again -.-..

[Exhumed]

Re: Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

First off your wife may have done something in a biblical sense that is wrong, but so have you by punishing her..

The bible is very good for spelling out to people like you what is good and what is bad..it mentions having to be like jesus and follow his footsteps then tells you that no one is perfect like jesus....no were does it mention masturbation, yet it mentions self-pleasures and purity to get into heaven..having even the thoughts of beating our wife is an unpure thought and therefore kept you out of heaven whether you would admit im right or not..and as for self-pleasures, it doesn't limit itself to masterbation it includes everything that gives you pleasures, including that computer your on atm o.0..it mentions giving all your thing away to be truely perfect in god, and yet all your preachers can't practice what you have been saying since the dawn of your falises, and still can't openly admit that your religeon is false, contriditing, and hole ridden as it truely is...now if you can tell me which of the 300 diffrent jesus you are worshiping, by name other then jesus, please tell me, for all you know you could be worshipping a false jesus..

as for the purity of thought keeping you out of heaven, tell me..before you married your wife did you ever think/dream about her or any other women..don't answer cuase i know you have because its the psychological build of every man to have these thought or dreams whether he wants them or not..

moral is what you have based your lifes off of, but the bible is what has taken the morals away and has led to the harassment of your wife..

"Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity EVERY THOUGHT to the obedience of Christ; 2 Corinthians 10:5"

"For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:

All these evil things come from within, and defile the man. Mark 7:21-23"

now tell me..why would the bible openly admit that men always have evil thoughts, then go and say that impure thoughts will lead to your damnation?

wanna know why?

even if i get flamed by a bunch of christians here it is<-- ironic?

Bible was written by man, for man, and revised by man. It has been re-written, and re-written from language to language and never been touched by god.

there you have it, you have been following a heathens book your whole lifes, now go suicide since you found out its not against your laws..

o and god said "Judge not.."..so stop judging people like i have seen althrough these forums and live your life humbly and be rewarded for trying your best..

flame away you will just be breaking your laws from your god and bible again -.-..

Brother Vash, I agree with you completely. The Bible is a man-made book created to govern other humans. Few books are as confusing or hypocritical as the Bible, yet the drones on these forums choose to take it as the truth.

"God" does not exist (prove me wrong- but don't try to tell me something like "look around you! Who created this universe?" or "Leave sinner!"), and Jesus was merely a human, yet his death is so exaggerated. He didn't "die for our sins"- he died for nothing! God doesn't exist, so there was no way he was spreading the "will of God".

You living under these rediculous "rules" (as defined in the Bible) only hurts yourself, and other people that you know. Trust me, you would be much happier living a life that isn't controlled by some hypocritical book of text.

[John Bois Ward]

Re: Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

First off your wife may have done something in a biblical sense that is wrong, but so have you by punishing her..

The bible is very good for spelling out to people like you what is good and what is bad..it mentions having to be like jesus and follow his footsteps then tells you that no one is perfect like jesus....no were does it mention masturbation, yet it mentions self-pleasures and purity to get into heaven..having even the thoughts of beating our wife is an unpure thought and therefore kept you out of heaven whether you would admit im right or not..and as for self-pleasures, it doesn't limit itself to masterbation it includes everything that gives you pleasures, including that computer your on atm o.0..it mentions giving all your thing away to be truely perfect in god, and yet all your preachers can't practice what you have been saying since the dawn of your falises, and still can't openly admit that your religeon is false, contriditing, and hole ridden as it truely is...now if you can tell me which of the 300 diffrent jesus you are worshiping, by name other then jesus, please tell me, for all you know you could be worshipping a false jesus..

Any Biblical evidence to support your statements?

as for the purity of thought keeping you out of heaven, tell me..before you married your wife did you ever think/dream about her or any other women..don't answer cuase i know you have because its the psychological build of every man to have these thought or dreams whether he wants them or not..

We have a mind reader amongst us.

moral is what you have based your lifes off of, but the bible is what has taken the morals away and has led to the harassment of your wife..

Upon what foundation do you base your morals?

"Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity EVERY THOUGHT to the obedience of Christ; 2 Corinthians 10:5"

I'm assuming you read the whole of 2 Corinthians 10 in which Paul addresses the fact that we are in a spiritual battle involving our mind or thoughts and that this battle can be won by recognizing God's truth versus man's "truth" or poor interpretations of atheists.

"For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:

All these evil things come from within, and defile the man. Mark 7:21-23"

Yes, what a crazy concept. A man is judged evil or bad based on his actions and thoughts. I'm sure even an atheist would agree with that principle or do you think evil men like pedophiles are simply misunderstood and beyond judgement?

now tell me..why would the bible openly admit that men always have evil thoughts, then go and say that impure thoughts will lead to your damnation?

Your premises do not support your conclusion.

wanna know why?

even if i get flamed by a bunch of christians here it is<-- ironic?

Bible was written by man, for man, and revised by man. It has been re-written, and re-written from language to language and never been touched by god.

there you have it, you have been following a heathens book your whole lifes, now go suicide since you found out its not against your laws..

Why don't you return to school, take a few classes in logic and reading comprehension, and come visit us again.

o and god said "Judge not.."..so stop judging people like i have seen althrough these forums and live your life humbly and be rewarded for trying your best..

flame away you will just be breaking your laws from your god and bible again -.-..

Did you bother continued reading past "judge not" or is it just too complicated to read the whole passage? Matthew 7 does not state, not to judge others. It states, do not be a hypocrite. And is living one's life humbly mean posting an attack on a religious site and being presumptuous enough to judge how others live while telling them not to judge others?

[trollin]

Re: Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

Beat her to death. She deserves to die for her sins.

Why prolong her fate?

[Mad Prophet Helmholtz]

Re: Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

And is living one's life humbly mean posting an attack on a religious site and being presumptuous enough to judge how others live while telling them not to judge others?

Good catch, Brother John. If Landover had a dime for every hypocrite that signed up just to bad mouth us, we could pay off Pastor Zeke's Escalade fleet!