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  • God Hates Fatties!

    We seem to have been visited by quite a batch of colorful sinners lately! The sodomy-loving, Turk-dominated Greeks, as well as several fatties. Ginny G. and Cap'n Asshat to name just two.

    Just a bit of scripture to let all the plus sized folks out there know how much God hates your enormous bulk.

    1 Corinthians 6:19-20
    19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
    20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

    Here God is simply saying, if you are a fatass, you are making Jesus a fatass. That's not much of a "thank you" for His dying on the cross, is it?


    Numbers 11: 31-34
    31 And there went forth a wind from the LORD, and brought quails from the sea, and let them fall by the camp, as it were a day's journey on this side, and as it were a day's journey on the other side, round about the camp, and as it were two cubits high upon the face of the earth.

    32 And the people stood up all that day, and all that night, and all the next day, and they gathered the quails: he that gathered least gathered ten homers: and they spread them all abroad for themselves round about the camp.
    33 And while the flesh was yet between their teeth, ere it was chewed, the wrath of the LORD was kindled against the people, and the LORD smote the people with a very great plague. 34And he called the name of that place Kibrothhattaavah: because there they buried the people that lusted.

    The people ate too many quails, which I am a big fan of by the way. Delicious little birds. But I would never eat a huge pile of quail as these sinners did. Because as it says here, if you do, God will give you deadly food poisining, probably E-Coli, and you will die horribly as your insides melt and come out your mouth and backside.

    These sinners were gluttons, intent on becoming fatties, which God nipped in the bud by killing all of them.

    Deutronomy 21: 19-21
    19 Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;
    20 And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.
    21 And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.


    So listen up lardasses! Get skinny now or you will be subject to the wrath of GOD!

    Because by intentionally mocking Jesus's ultimate sacrifice on the cross by making yourself into a disgusting fat body, you are certainly awaiting either a deadly dose of E Coli from above or a public stoning by a group of righteous True Christians™ who have been tasked by our Lord to cleanse His world of your disgusting fatness!
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    Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



    God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



    Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!

  • #2
    Re: God Hates Fatties!

    The fatties are the ones who spend all day in front of a TV or computer and never get out for any exercise. Chowing down pints of ice cream and boxes of cheese-its. Gross.

    A True Christian understands the need for getting outside and honoring the lord by mowing the lawn and maintaining the grounds. That's good enough exercise for me!

    Also, don't eat more than necessary. You know how much that is? It's when you eat too much.
    May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: God Hates Fatties!

      Brother Aaron, I was thinking the same thing. It must be Jesus leading us to this conclusion.

      I believe it is a woman's duty in particular not to be a fatty. It is well-known that women who are obese find it harder to get pregnant. A woman, if she is doing her true Godly duty, will have as many children as possible.

      To this end, I propose free diet and exercise plans for all True Christian™ ladies, and free buckets of fat for all Goths, mooslims and non-Americans.
      God hates Seth Cochrane.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: God Hates Fatties!

        I would like to say a prayer for Sister Victory:



        Lord, please help Sister Victory in her battle against the demons of gluttony. May her dieting endeavors be as successful as the war in Iraq. If this cannot be, at least do something about her elbow cleavage. We praise your name. Amen.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: God Hates Fatties!

          Originally posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
          I would like to say a prayer for Sister Victory:



          Lord, please help Sister Victory in her battle against the demons of gluttony. May her dieting endeavors be as successful as the war in Iraq. If this cannot be, at least do something about her elbow cleavage. We praise your name. Amen.
          Sister VOS is skinny on the inside, because she is full all the time! Full of the Love and Light of Jesus! Praise!

          I was refering to Unsaved fatties, Mr. Hatchet, especially the fatty trolls who lumber into our Godly Forum, all out of breath and sweaty, taking time to insult us between gulps of sugary treats as they type with their fat little sauage fingers on their greasy keyboards. As you often say, they sicken me. And they sicken the little baby Jesus!
          sigpic


          Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



          God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



          Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: God Hates Fatties!

            Originally posted by Aaron Portway View Post
            Sister VOS is skinny on the inside, because she is full all the time! Full of the Love and Light of Jesus! Praise!
            I bet she wishes the Love and Light of Jesus had custard filling and chocolate sprinkles. Bless her heart.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: God Hates Fatties!

              Originally posted by Aaron Portway View Post
              We seem to have been visited by quite a batch of colorful sinners lately! The sodomy-loving, Turk-dominated Greeks, as well as several fatties. Ginny G. and Cap'n Asshat to name just two.

              Just a bit of scripture to let all the plus sized folks out there know how much God hates your enormous bulk.

              Numbers 11: 31-34
              31 And there went forth a wind from the LORD, and brought quails from the sea, and let them fall by the camp, as it were a day's journey on this side, and as it were a day's journey on the other side, round about the camp, and as it were two cubits high upon the face of the earth.

              32 And the people stood up all that day, and all that night, and all the next day, and they gathered the quails: he that gathered least gathered ten homers: and they spread them all abroad for themselves round about the camp.

              The people ate too many quails, which I am a big fan of by the way. Delicious little birds. But I would never eat a huge pile of quail as these sinners did. Because as it says here, if you do, God will give you deadly food poisining, probably E-Coli, and you will die horribly as your insides melt and come out your mouth and backside.
              Also, if you're going to eat quail, it's definitely best to stick to eating the heterosexual ones.
              O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



              God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: God Hates Fatties!

                All you tub-o-lards and gluttons, stay away from THIS kind of thing!

                Jesus does not want you to consume 2300 calories in one milkshake.
                Who Will Jesus Damn?

                Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: God Hates Fatties!

                  Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                  All you tub-o-lards and gluttons, stay away from THIS kind of thing!

                  Jesus does not want you to consume 2300 calories in one milkshake.
                  You're right, Pastor Ezekiel, I almost thought that the label read "Health shake", but it doesn't:
                  Heath® Shake Large


                  After that they list the nutrition information. How much nutrition is there?
                  Heath® Shake Large


                  This toffee/coffee mix begins with Heath ice cream blended with coffee, Heath Bar candy pieces and caramel, topped with whipped cream and even more Heath Bar candy pieces.


                  Serving Size 1 Serving (32 fl.oz) Amount Per Serving Calories 2310 Calories from Fat 970 % Daily Value* Total Fat 108g 166%
                  Do you know how much fat is 108 grams??? That's four ounces. That's the same mass as the meat in a quarterpounder. Imagine eating one of those, but with FAT substituted for the patty. Eww..
                  May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: God Hates Fatties!

                    Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
                    The fatties are the ones who spend all day in front of a TV or computer and never get out for any exercise. Chowing down pints of ice cream and boxes of cheese-its. Gross.

                    A True Christian understands the need for getting outside and honoring the lord by mowing the lawn and maintaining the grounds. That's good enough exercise for me!

                    Also, don't eat more than necessary. You know how much that is? It's when you eat too much.
                    Sounds good and I could not agree more, but I find that nigras and greasers can maintain the grounds allowing me to spend my time in more pious pursuits.
                    Isaiah 36.12 - But Rabshakeh said, Hath my master sent me to thy master and to thee to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men that sit upon the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: God Hates Fatties!

                      A late post to resurrect a much needed thread; many of you will recall Brother Leonard Ball who was called to Glory October 4th.

                      Leonard started work at the Landover Christian bookshop in 1944 and remained there save for a spell with the army between 1950 and ’53. He never regretted not going to Korea.

                      Leonard had been a widower these past 15 years and was cared for by his daughter Beatrice.

                      Leonard lived in Landover all his life and inherited his family’s home at 56 South Siloam right next to the Eriksson place.

                      In the winter of ’89, a car crashed between the two houses. Leonard Ball and his wife rushed out to help, as did the Erikssons. The car caught fire but despite this, the driver was pulled out by the Balls.

                      Now, a seat has been erected in his memory in Gilead Park near “The Hanging Tree.”




                      Attached Files
                      Last edited by Ezekiel Bathfire; 11-15-2009, 12:04 PM.
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                      “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                      Author of such illuminating essays as,
                      Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: God Hates Fatties!

                        wow, from a citizen of the country with the highest rate of obesity in the world, this is a very hypocritical thread. 1) you are all probably overweight that is why you need your underpowered pieces of Detroit doo-doo to lug your fat heinies around. 2) Your feeble idea that an invisible deity saving you from the eternal fire of an imaginary place that was invented to scare small children a few thousand years ago is laughable considering your blatant racism and bigotry. 3) The USA wasn't created by your imaginary friend 'god' for you guys, it was created by continental drift.

                        your local Satanist priest
                        McHillenTheScotsman
                        Last edited by Rev. Jim Osborne; 11-20-2009, 01:03 AM. Reason: cursing
                        tú a bunch daoine marbha

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: God Hates Fatties!

                          Why would Satanists need priests, especially a fat-assed one from Scotland?
                          May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: God Hates Fatties!

                            Now, why would you assume I have a fat ass? I have a muscular ass from years of farm work, you on the other hand have a fat ass because you spend all day at McDonalds contemplating how 'god' will smite the Mexican who just gave you your food.

                            Also us Satanists have our own church, one that rivals your own, me being a Scotsman has no bearing on that other than the fact it makes me superior to you in every way.

                            your local Satanist Priest
                            McHillenTheScotsman
                            tú a bunch daoine marbha

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: God Hates Fatties!

                              Originally posted by McHillenthescotsman View Post
                              Also us Satanists have our own church, one that rivals your own
                              (Maybe you meant 'we Satanists')
                              me being a Scotsman has no bearing on that other than the fact it makes me superior to you in every way.
                              May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                              Comment

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