[Pastor Ezekiel]

Uh...ahem....I think you need to speak to Pastor Pistle about making some arrangements for a proper Christian chaperone Brother Mike....And don't get too involved until you've tasted some of these allegedly delicious pies.

[Brother_Mike]

Uh...ahem....I think you need to speak to Pastor Pistle about making some arrangements for a proper Christian chaperone Brother Mike....And don't get too involved until you've tasted some of these allegedly delicious pies.

I've already tithed the chaperone fee ($200) via paypal, when Pastor Pistle gets here we'll organize something.

[SalvationSeeker]

Congratulations, Brother Mike & Moon.
I am sure you will make a True Christian woman out of her, Brother.

For as we both surely know:
"It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman."
Proverbs 21:19

[Mrs. Rogers]

1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal — on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

Indeed, but let us not be too eager; nothing angers a True Christian™ husband more than salting his food before he has had a chance to taste it. Mr. Rogers would give me a sharp rap over the knuckles - with the hard, heavy handle of his knife - whenever I abused the condiments, and therefore his dinner.

3. DO NOT distract him with your female insanity; PMS induced crying jags are not emergencies.

So very true - PMS is an indulgence that no True Christian™ lady need partake of; additionally, men do not want nor need to hear the words "cramps", "periods", or even "heavy to medium flow". In the interests of sparing husbands from the horror of our womanhood, I recommend all younger ladies who still suffer the Monthly Curse© find a good hiding place for their sanitary napkins - there's no need to succumb to the temptation of "discreet" Fingers of Satan. I suggest hiding your napkins under the laundry sink, behind the cleaning products; no True Christian™ man has ever ventured there, as far as I know.

[lilith]

Indeed, but let us not be too eager; nothing angers a True Christian™ husband more than salting his food before he has had a chance to taste it. Mr. Rogers would give me a sharp rap over the knuckles - with the hard, heavy handle of his knife - whenever I abused the condiments, and therefore his dinner.


So very true - PMS is an indulgence that no True Christian™ lady need partake of; additionally, men do not want nor need to hear the words "cramps", "periods", or even "heavy to medium flow". In the interests of sparing husbands from the horror of our womanhood, I recommend all younger ladies who still suffer the Monthly Curse© find a good hiding place for their sanitary napkins - there's no need to succumb to the temptation of "discreet" Fingers of Satan. I suggest hiding your napkins under the laundry sink, behind the cleaning products; no True Christian™ man has ever ventured there, as far as I know.

So...Mrs R? Is it true that's because TC men believe that proximity to cleaning products will cause...um..vital..bits of their anatomy to drop off?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

So...Mrs R? Is it true that's because TC men believe that proximity to cleaning products will cause...um..vital..bits of their anatomy to drop off?

No, it is because God so ordered it.

Leviticus 15:19 And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even. 15:20 And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean.
15:21 And whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.
15:22 And whosoever toucheth any thing that she sat upon shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.
15:23 And if it be on her bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even.
15:24 And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall be unclean seven days; and all the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean. Sex with menstruating women
A man who has sex with a menstruating woman "shall be unclean seven days." But in Lev.20:18 God says that such a man and his menstruating partner "shall be cut off from among their people." Which is the correct punishment?
15:25 And if a woman have an issue of her blood many days out of the time of her separation, or if it run beyond the time of her separation; all the days of the issue of her uncleanness shall be as the days of her separation: she shall be unclean.
15:26 Every bed whereon she lieth all the days of her issue shall be unto her as the bed of her separation: and whatsoever she sitteth upon shall be unclean, as the uncleanness of her separation.
15:27 And whosoever toucheth those things shall be unclean, and shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.
15:28 But if she be cleansed of her issue, then she shall number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean.
15:29 And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.
15:30 And the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the LORD for the issue of her uncleanness.
15:31 Thus shall ye separate the children of Israel from their uncleanness; that they die not in their uncleanness, when they defile my tabernacle that is among them.
15:32 This is the law of him that hath an issue, and of him whose seed goeth from him, and is defiled therewith;
15:33 And of her that is sick of her flowers, and of him that hath an issue, of the man, and of the woman, and of him that lieth with her that is unclean.

I assume every True Christian female has this section of the Holy Bible committed to memory.

[Bobby-Joe]

So...Mrs R? Is it true that's because TC men believe that proximity to cleaning products will cause...um..vital..bits of their anatomy to drop off?

Why would any real man go near anything so effeminate as household cleaning products? Assuredly you must notice the sorry house keeping the all male crews of those Ukrainian ships you “visit”.

[Jesus is Lord]

Why would any real man go near anything so effeminate as household cleaning products? Assuredly you must notice the sorry house keeping the all male crews of those Ukrainian ships you “visit”.

So true, Brother. Cleaning, doing dishes, etc. is women's work. God created women to be submissive and to serve men and cleaning and all that is part of being submissive.

Colossians 3:18: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

[MoonFlower]

I've already tithed the chaperone fee ($200) via paypal, when Pastor Pistle gets here we'll organize something.

Are we going on a date?! Oh my God I haven't been on a date since....wow....since MK! I have to see if Thumper will go shopping with me for a proper dress to wear. I could also bring you some cherry pie if you'd like.

Moon

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Are we going on a date?! Oh my God I haven't been on a date since....wow....since MK! I have to see if Thumper will go shopping with me for a proper dress to wear. I could also bring you some cherry pie if you'd like.

Moon

I took the liberty of sewing you this lovely little number.



The purple will compliment your dark hair. I'm going to have to give you a good shampooing and of course give you a hair style to flatter the dress before you go out.

How did the pies turn out?

With love, Sister Thumper

[MoonFlower]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT!!!!

*hugs Thumper*

Oh sister thumper thank you so much! You know how much I LOOOOVE flower designs! Did you make the cute little bonnet too??


Now to find shoes for that adorable little dress...

Moon

PS - The pies are in the fridge. Mikey hasn't responded yet...I'm sure SS scared him away.

[Brother_Mike]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

PS - The pies are in the fridge. Mikey hasn't responded yet...I'm sure SS scared him away.

I like pies

[MoonFlower]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

Well, what kind do you like, love? I made Key Lime, Cherry, Apple, Peach Cobbler, and a yummy Chocolate Fudge Pie. If you'd like I could just bring a sampler??

So...when should we get together?? *blushes* Sister Thumper was kind enough to make me a beautiful dress to wear. *blushes even more*

Ok, I gtg, my tummy hurts....

*runs away*

[Brother_Mike]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

Well, what kind do you like, love? I made Key Lime, Cherry, Apple, Peach Cobbler, and a yummy Chocolate Fudge Pie. If you'd like I could just bring a sampler??

So...when should we get together?? *blushes* Sister Thumper was kind enough to make me a beautiful dress to wear. *blushes even more*

Ok, I gtg, my tummy hurts....

*runs away*

Moon I have organized a chaperone from the Church, we can meet at the Church Cafeteria, I have a temporary pass for you. This Saturday sound good? (Any pie you like will be fine I like them all)

[MoonFlower]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

Moon I have organized a chaperone from the Church, we can meet at the Church Cafeteria, I have a temporary pass for you. This Saturday sound good? (Any pie you like will be fine I like them all)

Awww man...I gotta wait till Saturday? We could always go to Bible Study together, I don't break out in cold sweats or vomit anymore at the sight of a Bible, so I think that would be perfect!

With all her love,
Moon

PS - you only bought one pass for me??