[Splitfoot]

Re: I am Lionheart: a fighter

So you do believe in God. Good that you piss Him off because when you go down before Him and open yourself to Him to beg for His forgiveness He will be all the happier. GLORY!

I'm too busy bringing pleasure to the Dark Lord for that. Duh

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I am Lionheart: a fighter

I'm too busy bringing pleasure to the Dark Lord for that. Duh

Pish Posh, your' mouth may say no but your' soul says "Jesus, take me!".

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: I am Lionheart: a fighter

too bad, what's done, cant be done again I've been saved for a very very long time. i work in my church, and I know the plan God has for me for my future, and frankly, I CANT WAIT!!!!!!!!

There it is! Proof that you're a monkey-worshipping atheist witch! Who else would be so excited and happy about eternal damnation? Do you really think that "saved" means not having to go to Heaven with its many joys? No! TRUE salvation means avoiding Hell! It's not too late to repent, you know. If you truly accept Jesus into your heart instead of just claiming to as a way of seducing others down your dark path, you will finally find real happiness.
I'm praying for you, Miss Lionheart.

[Kazoo]

Re: I am Lionheart: a blasphemer and self-styled prophet

I might be a bit late entering this conversation, however, on the note of God's love:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

(Cited from Old Testament Humor)

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: I am Lionheart: a blasphemer and self-styled prophet

Most of these are good questions, friend, and I'm glad you asked.

Kazoo: When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
You don't have to smite him, yet. Follow this guide here. Try hooking a vat of blood to their water lines. If that doesn't work, release thousands of frogs into their homes. If that doesn't work, try lice and gnats. If that doesn't work, well you get the idea.

Kazoo: I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
You'll need to post pictures of her, head shots and full body poses, to get a reasonably accurate estimate. Can she cook? Does she know how to clean? Is her hymen intact? Does she have small breasts, or are her breasts like towers?

Kazoo: I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.
You can usually smell it from 2-4 feet away, if she uses a rag like a Godly Christian woman. If she is a harlot with one of Satan's cotton fingers shoved up her hootenanny, then you won't be able to tell.

Kazoo: Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
Of course you can own Canadians. Why does your friend want to to believe that you can't? Is your friend Canadian?

Kazoo: I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
Don't take the law into your own hands, friend. Yes, your neighbor should be put to death, but our liberal activist judges refuse to hand down the death penalty in these cases. This is just one of the many reasons why we have so many problems these days.

Kazoo: Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
In my KJV 1611, Leviticus 21:20 says "blemish", not "defect", so as long as your eyes are not noticeably deformed, you should be just fine.

Kazoo: Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
There is no death penalty for this. Just shun your friends until it grows back.

Kazoo: I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
Modern footballs are made of rubber and cow leather.

Kazoo: My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
The punishment described in Lev.24:10-16 is for blasphemy. There is no prescribed punishment for planting two different crops in the same field or wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread. We are just to avoid this behavior because God says to.

I hope this has been helpful.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[Lionheart]

Re: I am Lionheart: a blasphemer and self-styled prophet

Im not even bothering to read the replies here anymore.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: I am Lionheart: a blasphemer and self-styled prophet

Im not even bothering to read the replies here anymore as you're wasting your time trying to win me away from my dark master, Satan. Heaven is for losers.

Sometimes what you leave unsaid speaks volumes. Enjoy your eternity of fiery pain. I've got a feeling it won't be quite as ticklish as your master claims.

[Lionheart]

Re: I am Lionheart: a blasphemer and self-styled prophet

I did not say that.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: I am Lionheart: a blasphemer and self-styled prophet

I did not say that.

No, you left it unsaid. Are you illiterate as well as hellbound?

[Sista Lateefah]

Re: I am Lionheart: a blasphemer and self-styled prophet

Im not even bothering to read the replies here anymore.

I did not say that.

You has just proved thatchoo is a lie. You obviously had to read what she had said in order to respond to her. Lyin' be sin and rebellion to God, and True Christians™ does not lie. If you came to Jesus you could be like us and live in the TRUTH! Praise!

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: I am Lionheart: a fighter

I was Silverblue.

I think any demon would feel extremely uncomfortable saying the words "Jesus is Lord". I doubt that their stupid master would even allow them to say it.

Jesus is Lord, and that is NOT a lie.

Ooooooohhhhhh the 'wahhh wahhh' drama queen? Yeah, I remember. As for the whole 'ooohhhh servants of 'the devil' and demons can't say 'jesus is lord' thing, you, young lady, have been watching too many movies.

[Sister Noddy]

Re: I am Lionheart: a fighter

Ooooooohhhhhh the 'wahhh wahhh' drama queen? Yeah, I remember. As for the whole 'ooohhhh servants of 'the devil' and demons can't say 'jesus is lord' thing, you, young lady, have been watching too many movies.

So you're saying Lionheart is a girl? I thought she was a boy for some reason.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: I am Lionheart: a fighter

Yeah, she strikes me as a sissyboy would for some reason, but hey, don't worry, I thought the same thing. I thought she might have been Omerta at first.

If you want to find out all about Miss Drama Queen, the thread is right here. It's actually pretty funny. Can she ever whine.

[Sista Lateefah]

Re: I am Lionheart: a fighter

If you want to find out all about Miss Drama Queen, the thread is right here. It's actually pretty funny. Can she ever whine.

Oh my. This be Nancy that had been talkin' to us and I hadn't even knowed it! I doesn't remember Silverblue, but I remembers Nancy. Now I know why she be lyin' so much, since Nancy couldn't even write one post without lyin' out her behind. She need Jesus 'bout as much as anybody I's evah seen!

Welcome back, Nancy!!! You best behave yoself this time.

[Sister Noddy]

Re: I am Lionheart: a fighter

Yeah, she strikes me as a sissyboy would for some reason, but hey, don't worry, I thought the same thing. I thought she might have been Omerta at first.

If you want to find out all about Miss Drama Queen, the thread is right here. It's actually pretty funny. Can she ever whine.

OOOOOOOOH yeah, Rachael, so that's HER! I saw that thread when I was new here, and I laughed! She's got aliases, says her name was Nancy ... well AAARRRGGGHHH! that's my real name! ... hope they don't get us mixed up ... and yep, she said she was really Silverblue, and she said it again since she's been here as Lionheart ... hmmm ...

Something tells me she hasn't got a prayer here with these True Christian Baptists, they know their stuff ... ya know what I mean?