You Knew NOTHING Of Morality Before You Came Here

[Bob4God]

You know exactly what I'm talking about.

You're unsaved trash who believes the Earth is round, that homosexuality is natural, and that the government should force women to have abortions.

Face it, after a sinful life of being told you were nothing but primordial soup who evolved from a monkey, it is a divine miracle that you've arrived at Landover Baptist rather than the nearest high school with a gun.

After all, how were you to know it would be wrong to massacre your fellow organisms with a gun?

JESUS has brought you here to be instructed in the ways of gentle Christian humility and CHRIST-centered living.

Before you start mouthing off at us, take a moment to thank us for going out of our way to establish this church for the GLORY OF GOD and the purpose of teaching you right from wrong.

The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good. - Psalms 14:1

Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end. - Proverbs 19:20

Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God. - 1 John 3:9

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: You Knew NOTHING Of Morality Before You Came Here

Amen, brother.

Without God I was raising my children by trying to reason with them and by setting good examples of what I thought was the right way for them to behave towards strangers. I shamefacedly confess that I even told them to be tolerant to unbelievers and faggots. They would sometimes answer me back and I would patiently explain why I was taking the stance I was adopting and what the benefits of agreeing with me were. I even at times conceded they had a point!

It's only when you write it down it sounds so despicable.

Now I have Jesus to guide me through His word. They get a good whack if they so much as look at me the wrong way and they are in no doubt as to what will happen to them if they don't honour me or if they curse me. The reality that God will have them killed if they defy me is there in back and white on their bedroom walls. They also now know Hell is a real place where they are going if they don't do the bidding of the Lord.

Yes there was some transitional stubbornness but it was the summer break so there were no interfering teachers while the stripes faded.

Praise Jesus but things are a lot quieter round the house now and their little shining faces while they kneel to Jesus before bed and beg Him not to kill them before they are properly saved so they don't have to go to Hell are a joy to behold.

GLORY!

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: You Knew NOTHING Of Morality Before You Came Here

Before I started my walk with Christ I was in a marriage where I thought my wife was my equal. We would share the house hold tasks and I listened to her opinion and we walked together as one in all things.

Just thinking about it makes me sick.

Thank God I found Jesus as she is gone.

YIC

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: You Knew NOTHING Of Morality Before You Came Here

Back when I was an NIV-reading liberal false Christian, I thought that surely God (for at the time I worshiped the demon Shirley God and not the One True God) approved of my tolerance for sodomites and other hellbound trash. I didn't realize how unspeakably cruel I was to them by letting them slide off into the lake of fire instead of telling them about Christ's get-out-of-hell card. I hereby publicly apologize to all sodomites to whom I showed tolerance instead of the rebuke that proper Christian love would have prompted me to give.

[James Hutchins]

Re: You Knew NOTHING Of Morality Before You Came Here

Before I was Saved®, I was 'dipping into every pool' that was still warm. Age/gender meant little. I did know enough to mot mix the races though. An 8-ball of coke, a few grand in my pocket and I was all set for a night out.
At my bottom, I 'did it' with a couple of bridesmaids, mother of the bride and the best man at the wedding. When I had finished, I noticed Jesus looking at me and smiling. I thought he was just a friend of some bridesmaid and told him I was to tired but to leave me his number. With that I passed out. The following day some wetback washing the floor woke me. I found that fellows number, written inside of the KJV Bible. The inscription simply said "Call me Jesus".
Well that afternoon on my honeymoon, I read that book, the mighty KJV. I thought about how my life had been filled with drugs, mind-numbing sex and utter disdain for common decency. What could I do? I was surrounded by it. My new bride put the 'K' in kinky. My best friend was one of the largest coke importers on the eastern seaboard. I was creating a mutual fund that was netting me over $1mm a year and I was just 17.
As a gift to my bride and me, her father gave us 10,000 acres of prime farmland in the Shenandoah mountains. A few weeks after we returned, my wifes father died in a drowning accident while washing his Mercedes. Apparently he tried to get a drink of water from the hose of the pressure washer and it blew the back of his skull clean off like you might see from a 45 magnum.
Devastated, my wife and I took her fathers cleaned Mercedes to visit the land. I had been having a hard time sleeping the last few weeks. The words "Call me Jesus" were haunting me. I was so tired, yet sleep was no where to be found. I lay down on the couch in the study of the farmhouse and my wife, frustrated with boredom, said she was going out to the barn to see the bulls. Somehow, after a fifth of Glendfich, I managed to drift off. "Call me Jesus".
I woke the next day and had a healthy breakfast of country ham, home fries, four fried in lard eggs, gravy, biscuits and a double short stack. I called out to me wife and did not get an answer. I decided to go into town to get some cleaning supplies. I fired up the big Mercedes and took off on the 40 mile drive. I saw a billboard - "Jesus Wants You". It made me think. Maybe a simple country life would be a good thing. I pulled over and stared at the sign for many hours, until dusk. "Call me Jesus" - How can I call Him? I do not have His number.
I drove back to the farm and called out to my wife. No answer. I asked the farmhands if they saw her but the response was beaner "No spekeglingis". After a few more days, I left the farm and went back into town. I went to the Baptist Church. I told the Pastor that Jesus wants me to call Him. I explained to the Pastor about my wife and all my troubles. He told me Jesus was everywhere. I just needed to call out to Him!!!
Well, I stopped the drugs, the wild sex parties. I studied more about Jesus. I learned what He expected of me and what I could expect back from Him. My wife was never found. It was thought that she ran off with Hippies to South America. It was not until years later that it was discovered she had fallen down a closed off well, probably shortly after she went to the barn to see the bulls. She had survived for days, weeks possibly as the claw marks in the sides of the well made it right to the top of the well.
Ever day now I call Jesus for the guidance I need to do what He wants of me.

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: You Knew NOTHING Of Morality Before You Came Here

Brother James, your testimony has touched me in a very dear way. You are such a great Christian to look up to, and we can all only aspire to be as influential of a Christian as you are. Your crown in Heaven will truly be awe-inspiring.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: You Knew NOTHING Of Morality Before You Came Here

People without morals make me sick. Jesus gave all of us a great example to follow and they just spit in his face. He died for them on the cross and they just mock him by voting for Obama. He gave His life to all those who want to join Him in Heaven and they just prefer having anal sex with little children all day instead. And they don't even realize how horrible that is because they have no morals! People without morals make me sick!

[Born_Blessed]

Re: You Knew NOTHING Of Morality Before You Came Here

> Hello, God has led me to this information . PLEASE RESPOND ASAP to this email . Life on earth is a blessing even tho their is so much evil going on in this world. I was born a christian and will die a christian and let me personally say the lord has gave me a 2nd chance in my life. I run track and I am currently the 800m national champion, I just came back from the junior olympics this summer . Its like omg the lord is changing my life before my eyes he has put me in a new home and is carving my destiny but let me say iam a sinner, iam looking for help with coping with my lustful actions and my big ego please help me be more humble and not proud and this is one of the things the lord has punished me with ACNE !!!! I mean its just horrible not that bad of Acne but it seems like it wont go away im only 16 and its mentally stressful for me in just about everyday situation i just want to commit to Jesus and get rid of this embarrassing flaws on my face. please give me advice i
> just read that form "Acne is the Devils mark" I read it all and it all makes sense ! I think my connection with god is very good but In my conscience Iam still sinning and basicly mocking the lord trying taking his gift for granted to manipulate women and lust, he has given me everything but he is punishing me with acne untill i realize what i have done thats what i think . My life story is so bizarre its crazy. I just want to vent to you please reply #GodBless

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: You Knew NOTHING Of Morality Before You Came Here

> Hello, God has led me to this information . PLEASE RESPOND ASAP to this email . Life on earth is a blessing even tho their is so much evil going on in this world. I was born a christian and will die a christian and let me personally say the lord has gave me a 2nd chance in my life. I run track and I am currently the 800m national champion, I just came back from the junior olympics this summer . Its like omg the lord is changing my life before my eyes he has put me in a new home and is carving my destiny but let me say iam a sinner, iam looking for help with coping with my lustful actions and my big ego please help me be more humble and not proud and this is one of the things the lord has punished me with ACNE !!!! I mean its just horrible not that bad of Acne but it seems like it wont go away im only 16 and its mentally stressful for me in just about everyday situation i just want to commit to Jesus and get rid of this embarrassing flaws on my face. please give me advice i
> just read that form "Acne is the Devils mark" I read it all and it all makes sense ! I think my connection with god is very good but In my conscience Iam still sinning and basicly mocking the lord trying taking his gift for granted to manipulate women and lust, he has given me everything but he is punishing me with acne untill i realize what i have done thats what i think . My life story is so bizarre its crazy. I just want to vent to you please reply #GodBless

Why are you posting the same thing all over this Godly forum? Are you one of those retardeds?

[Brother Larry]

Re: You Knew NOTHING Of Morality Before You Came Here



This thread is amazing. I am not sure how I missed it before, but I'm glad that it was brought back to the forefront today.

I had just left a friend's house because he insisted on watching Fashion Police and their coverage of Mercedes Benz Fashion Week when I wanted to watch baseball. It wasn't such a big deal until I realized he knew who everyone was wearing before the announcers said it. A huge red flag went off in my head with the words "UNSAVED FAGGOT" emblazoned across it, so I quickly rose and went to the door, slammed it (effectively), screamed "Enjoy hell, fairy boy," and came home to the solace of God's Favorite Forum.

Reading the testimonies of TRUE CHRISTIANS has further opened my eyes to the desperate situation my soul was in until I found Landover and its never-ending group of people that Jesus has on speed dial. To think that only a few short weeks ago I would have stayed to watch as Oscar de la Renta and Vera Wang designs walked down that runway! I would have been ooohing and aaaaahing over fag and lezzybun satanic textiles, possibly sipping a cosmo and eating finger sandwiches. I would have been crossing myself when a Chanel bag perfectly matched someone's gown. And, perhaps worst of all, I would have left in time to make it to Saturday afternoon confession and mass, eaten a Jesus cracker with stale grape juice, dipped my finger in the urine of lucifer found at the front of the church, and then went on to sin until the following weekend.

I am not sure how or why you people welcomed me, took time to chastise, sanction, give me infractions, and made me feel like a stupid cathylick ex-fag, but you did. PRAISE JESUS. Someone shout GLORY! (Please)

I hope more True Christians will add something to this thread, since it is only by your words that those of us that strive to have that trademark by our names will ever know enough to deserve it.

GOD BLESS AMERICA and GOD BLESS LANDOVER BAPTIST CHURCH.

In fellowship,
Brother Larry

[Donovan A. Mordecai]

Re: You Knew NOTHING Of Morality Before You Came Here

This thread is amazing. I am not sure how I missed it before, but I'm glad that it was brought back to the forefront today.

I had just left a friend's house because he insisted on watching Fashion Police and their coverage of Mercedes Benz Fashion Week when I wanted to watch baseball. It wasn't such a big deal until I realized he knew who everyone was wearing before the announcers said it. A huge red flag went off in my head with the words "UNSAVED FAGGOT" emblazoned across it, so I quickly rose and went to the door, slammed it (effectively), screamed "Enjoy hell, fairy boy," and came home to the solace of God's Favorite Forum.

Reading the testimonies of TRUE CHRISTIANS has further opened my eyes to the desperate situation my soul was in until I found Landover and its never-ending group of people that Jesus has on speed dial. To think that only a few short weeks ago I would have stayed to watch as Oscar de la Renta and Vera Wang designs walked down that runway! I would have been ooohing and aaaaahing over fag and lezzybun satanic textiles, possibly sipping a cosmo and eating finger sandwiches. I would have been crossing myself when a Chanel bag perfectly matched someone's gown. And, perhaps worst of all, I would have left in time to make it to Saturday afternoon confession and mass, eaten a Jesus cracker with stale grape juice, dipped my finger in the urine of lucifer found at the front of the church, and then went on to sin until the following weekend.

I am not sure how or why you people welcomed me, took time to chastise, sanction, give me infractions, and made me feel like a stupid cathylick ex-fag, but you did. PRAISE JESUS. Someone shout GLORY! (Please)

I hope more True Christians will add something to this thread, since it is only by your words that those of us that strive to have that trademark by our names will ever know enough to deserve it.

GOD BLESS AMERICA and GOD BLESS LANDOVER BAPTIST CHURCH.

In fellowship,
Brother Larry

Brevity is the soul of wit, Brother Larry. Please keep the rimming succinct, except when it comes to Jesus, He can't get enough flattery.

God Bless

DAM

[Faith_Machine]

Re: You Knew NOTHING Of Morality Before You Came Here

Sage advice, Brother Mordecai. I once got a little tipsy and spent over ten minutes toasting Pastor Zeke. You should have seen how angry he got! He told me that for every one minute I'd wasted praising him, I needed to spend one full day in my prayer closet, praising Jesus.