Eternal Life in Heaven

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

I have been asked some questions by atheist posters. Usually the Godly Spam Filter on JesOS 8.1 weeds these out and destroys them with satisfying videos of flame and screams, but I though it would be interesting to see how these deluded souls are getting along.

These questions concern Eternal Life in Heaven:

Will you think?

Yes but only good and nice things,

... and make choices?

Yes, but they will be all the same choice that God would have made: you will find that these are the same as the choices you made on Earth, which is why you are in Heaven.

will you be aware you are in heaven?

Absolutely! There will be an absence of Communists, Minorities, Queers, Catholics, and Democrats! It'll be like living in a gated community in the very best part of Kansas. How good is that!!!!!!?

will you remember your life?

Yes, but it won't seem important, mainly because it wasn't.

will you only feel good feelings?

Yes, indeed these are the only ones that you will feel. We know this from the true story of Lazarus who was in Abraham's bosom when The Lord told the rich man in Hell that he was getting no water. Lazarus did not feel sorry for the rich man - so when you are in Heaven, you won't feel guilt about all those who are burning in Hell. You will smile like a Mormon Missionary at the door and say, "I told you so." And everyone around you will nod in agreement. And then you'll go back to sipping Mint Juleps and chatting with Jesus.

Anyway, how could you possibly be unhappy with the Celestial TV having an infinite number of channels dedicated to God TV and re-runs of "The Little House on the Prairie"?

Will you be self aware and cognizant?

Just a little more than you are now. You will know that you have always been right in everything you have ever said, done, and thought and those atheist arseholes have been proven wrong... If only you could tell them... Well, now you can - just look down into the Fiery Pit of Destruction and laugh at them (see above)!

will you gain knowledge of all the universe and beyond?

You seem to be confusing Heaven with a Masters in Science: this is a common mistake amongst the unGodly.

First, there is nothing beyond the Universe which is surrounded by God.

Next, you will realize that every Word of The Bible is True and that the sun is a huge ball of coal well over 500 miles from the Earth which it orbits. You will see how Earth is flat and the sky is solid (except for the holes where the rain comes in.) You will no longer have to defend claims that invisible beings that do magic at your command are not real. You see, in life, if you look at God, you die, but now you are dead, you can look as much as you want! Amazing!!!!

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Eternal Life in Heaven

As always, brother Bathfire, a rousing and informative sermon!

I wonder if you might elaborate on the absence of unpleasantness in Heaven, however?

You see, I have always felt that some unpleasantness is necessary if we are to enjoy that which is pleasant. For example, a peanut M&M is always more enjoyable than a plain M&M, because you have the peanut's saltiness to balance the chocolate's sweetness, and thus make that sweetness seem all the more sweet.

Similarly, when I join my fellow Christians in fellowship and praise, those moments of brotherhood are made all the sweeter by my knowledge of the ravening hordes of non-believers who lurk just beyond Freehold's city limits, braying like jackasses.

When we are in Heaven, how will we truly enjoy our salvation if we do not retain some stinging memory of this unclean world and all the filth that inhabit it? Might it be necessary for us to be periodically re-exposed to some of this world's filth? Like, for example, might there be at least one channel on God TV devoted to watching Oprah Winfrey reruns?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Eternal Life in Heaven

As always, brother Bathfire, a rousing and informative sermon!

I wonder if you might elaborate on the absence of unpleasantness in Heaven, however?

You see, I have always felt that some unpleasantness is necessary if we are to enjoy that which is pleasant. For example, a peanut M&M is always more enjoyable than a plain M&M, because you have the peanut's saltiness to balance the chocolate's sweetness, and thus make that sweetness seem all the more sweet.

A powerful argument, I will admit. Where would we be without such logic. But I do believe that having learned of pain, suffering, illness and poverty in this life, that memory alone will serve for our Eternity at the feet of God.

Similarly, when I join my fellow Christians in fellowship and praise, those moments of brotherhood are made all the sweeter by my knowledge of the ravening hordes of non-believers who lurk just beyond Freehold's city limits, braying like jackasses.

I did say, as did Jesus, that you'll be able to see the real-time suffering of those in Hell.

When we are in Heaven, how will we truly enjoy our salvation if we do not retain some stinging memory of this unclean world and all the filth that inhabit it? Might it be necessary for us to be periodically re-exposed to some of this world's filth? Like, for example, might there be at least one channel on God TV devoted to watching Oprah Winfrey reruns?

Why would there be a Darkie woman in heaven? Would we want re-runs of that Joo-boy Carlin? UnGodly "popular music"? etc.

I suspect that Darkies who are good (and surely there must be one?) are cured of the curse of Ham upon entry to Heaven and made whole again: i.e. white.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Eternal Life in Heaven

Dear Brother,

How I long to go to Heaven, all the more now after reading this wonderful post!

I wonder if the following verse would be relevant when considering those who are sking complexion-challenged in this life?

Revelation 7:14
And I said unto him, Sir, thou knowest. And he said to me, These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.


Everybody is made white and favorable for GOD! And it will be such fun!

Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[JustGotSaved]

Re: Eternal Life in Heaven

I have been asked some questions by atheist posters. Usually the Godly Spam Filter on JesOS 8.1 weeds these out and destroys them with satisfying videos of flame and screams, but I though it would be interesting to see how these deluded souls are getting along.

These questions concern Eternal Life in Heaven:

Yes but only good and nice things,

Yes, but they will be all the same choice that God would have made: you will find that these are the same as the choices you made on Earth, which is why you are in Heaven.

Absolutely! There will be an absence of Communists, Minorities, Queers, Catholics, and Democrats! It'll be like living in a gated community in the very best part of Kansas. How good is that!!!!!!?

Yes, but it won't seem important, mainly because it wasn't.

Yes, indeed these are the only ones that you will feel. We know this from the true story of Lazarus who was in Abraham's bosom when The Lord told the rich man in Hell that he was getting no water. Lazarus did not feel sorry for the rich man - so when you are in Heaven, you won't feel guilt about all those who are burning in Hell. You will smile like a Mormon Missionary at the door and say, "I told you so." And everyone around you will nod in agreement. And then you'll go back to sipping Mint Juleps and chatting with Jesus.

Anyway, how could you possibly be unhappy with the Celestial TV having an infinite number of channels dedicated to God TV and re-runs of "The Little House on the Prairie"?

Just a little more than you are now. You will know that you have always been right in everything you have ever said, done, and thought and those atheist arseholes have been proven wrong... If only you could tell them... Well, now you can - just look down into the Fiery Pit of Destruction and laugh at them (see above)!

You seem to be confusing Heaven with a Masters in Science: this is a common mistake amongst the unGodly.

First, there is nothing beyond the Universe which is surrounded by God.

Next, you will realize that every Word of The Bible is True and that the sun is a huge ball of coal well over 500 miles from the Earth which it orbits. You will see how Earth is flat and the sky is solid (except for the holes where the rain comes in.) You will no longer have to defend claims that invisible beings that do magic at your command are not real. You see, in life, if you look at God, you die, but now you are dead, you can look as much as you want! Amazing!!!!

Glorious! We'll be just like good little robots for eternity!! No longer will we have the desire or ABILITY to sin! Praising Jesus eternally! What joy!!

[Jedediah]

Re: Eternal Life in Heaven

so when you are in Heaven, you won't feel guilt about all those who are burning in Hell. You will smile like a Mormon Missionary at the door and say, "I told you so." And everyone around you will nod in agreement. And then you'll go back to sipping Mint Juleps and chatting with Jesus.

I take great comfort in knowing that I'll stop caring about the suffering of others once I am in Heaven. Family and old friends who are on the path to hell or are already in hell? What am I going to do - let that distract me from praising the LORD? We are assured that our tears will be wiped away, never to return again, once we get to Heaven.

Revelation 21:4
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

I suspect that Darkies who are good (and surely there must be one?) are cured of the curse of Ham upon entry to Heaven and made whole again: i.e. white.

Indeed, we will all receive new Glorified Bodies, clothed in white garments, pure, white, and undefiled by sin or negritude. When we aren't splashing and frolicking about in gold-rimmed pools filled with Sweet Savior Blood, we will be able to bathe in the glory of our Maker in the fellowship of His dear Son (Matthew 17:2–3; Philippians 3:10).

Philippians 3:21
Who shall change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto himself.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Eternal Life in Heaven

Perhaps the Lord will have work for us. Even now, He plots and plans the destruction of Satan and his minions in the final battle.

God willing, we may be able to take part in the glorious destruction of all that is wicked.

His will be done.

[Pim Pendergast]

Re: Eternal Life in Heaven

Amen, Brother Bathfire! Another common atheist question I sometimes get:

What proof do you have that heaven exists?

Answer: If heaven didn't exist, Jesus would have told us.

Jn 14:2 In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.