MEET SARAH PALIN! TRUE CHRISTIANS ONLY!

[Jeb Thurmond]

I know we already have a thread about Sarah Palin, but it reeks of a Catholic (damn incense-huffers) and general uninformed peanut gallery comments from unsaved trash. Therefore, THIS THREAD IS FOR TRUE CHRISTIANS ONLY.

MEET SARAH PALIN

READY TO LEAD ON DAY ONE

While we obviously don't have to worry about John McCain dieing or being unable to preform his duties due to ill health, it's still reassuring to know that, a heart-beat away from the presidency, is someone with a world of experience. Sarah Palin was elected governor in 2006, meaning she has at least a year of experience, and also has many years of experience serving as mayor of Wasilla, Alaska (population 8,471).



TRUE CONSERVATIVE

• Is a member of a secessionist party whose goal is to secede from the USA.
• She was a campaign activist for Bat Buchanan. Read why Sarah Palin likes Pat Buchanan.
• Attributes her success to the prayers of a witch-hunter
• Supports censorship of library books
• Is a member of "Feminists for Life", an organization that opposes all forms of birth-control!
• Reads John Birch Society mag, must be a John Birch Society Member
• Made rape-victims pay up to $1,200 for their own justice.

CREATIONISM, aka the "Adam's Rib Theory".

Sarah Palin supports teaching the Adam's Rib Theory in public schools.

ABORTION

Gov. Palin has been described as an anti-abortion 'zealot' who believes that the victims of rape and incest should be subjugated by law to forced pregnancy and required to give birth to their assailant's child, as the Bible commands. Sarah Palin is a woman who is willing to sentence a woman to prison if she refused to give birth to the child of a man who raped her.

And of course she opposes stem-cell research.

WORKING CLASS

Self-described as "an everyday, working-class American" with a net-worth of $1.2 million and owning "a half-million-dollar home on a lake with a float-plane at the dock, two vacation retreats...and an income last year of at least $230,000". (Source)


FISCAL POLICY

By choosing a Governor of Alaska as his running mate, John McCain clearly states that his youthful flirtation with "anti-pork spending" communism are long behind him.

Alaska has the second highest federal spending-to-tax ratios, at 1.89: that means for every dollar Alaska pays in taxes, it gets almost two dollars from the federal govenment. Clearly Alaskan politicians are fiscal geniuses, and Mayor Palin is the best of them. With an Alaskan Vice-President, we'll be able to mooch enough government cheese from the United Nations to pay off the National Debt.

For an example of how Alaskans do it, see the 315,000,000 dollar "Bridge to nowhere", as long as the Golden Gate Bridge, which will be built to link a town with a population of 7,000 to a village of 50.

Sarah Palin was a supporter of the bridge, only changing her mind when the Federal Government refused to pay for it.



No doubt when she's Vice President, we will see this shining example of progress being built:



CHARACTER

Listen to Sarah Palin's agreeing laughter as a radio host talks about the Alaskan State Senate President, a cancer-survivor from Palin's hometown:

At the end of the host calling her a "cancer", twice, calling her a "bitch", calling her a bad mother, and making fun of her weight, the host ends the conversation offering to visit Palin.

How does Palin respond? "I'd be honored to have you." (She later returned to the show, with John McCain himself - just yesterday.)

It's going to be great fun watching our Vice President cat-fighting with other world leaders like Benizir Bhutto and that chick who's president of Argentina. MEOW! SCATCH! HISS! "Take that you fat bitch!"

WHAT THIS CHOICE TELLS US ABOUT MCCAIN:

FIrst, McCain is an expert at making quick decisions: McCain and Palin met for the first time last February at a National Governors Association meeting in Washington. Then, they spoke again — by phone — on Sunday while she was at the Alaska state fair and he was at home in Arizona.

Secondly, McCain is a strategic genius, in that he knows women are so stupid they will vote for a cat-fighting, Buchanan-voting, anti-abortion Adams Rib Theorist all in the name of having a vice-president with a vagina.

SARAH PALIN UPSKIRT, SARAH PALIN DOWNSHIRT, SARAH PALIN SIDE BOOB, SARAH PALIN CLEAVAGE, SARAH PALIN SEE-THROUGH, SEE THRU, SEE-THRU, NIPPLE SLIP, WARDROBE MALFUNCTION, VIDEO, SEX TAPE, STRIPPING

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

I thank you all for your discretion and not succumbing to spreading rumors. Mrs Palin has enough worries over a small problem of an investigation, of which she is a subject:

But her term was not without controversy. A legislative investigation is looking into allegations that Palin fired Alaska's public safety commissioner because he refused to fire the governor's former brother-in-law, a state trooper. She denied wrongdoing.

I’m absolutely positive that this, which is no more than a family matter, will all sort itself out.

However, speculation would be counter-productive and I ask for restraint.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

I'll tell you what, the more I know about Sarah the more I want to know! She certainly is a fashion plate.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

DEEEEYAM! Check out those qualifications! She's ready to lead ME on day one!

She's helping build MY "Bridge to Nowhere"!

Honey, you can campaign for my Buchanan any day! Hey baby, how about we stop worrying about messing up your clean, almost virgin tundra, and Drill Drill Drill!

I also oppose birth control - condoms are like wearing a raincoat in the shower!

(Don't worry folks, she won't send me to gitmo because she doesn't believe there's such thing as sexual harrassment.)

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Wow, AND she's a secessionist!

Hey baby, my south is rising again! Let's secede from our clothes!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Here’s something to cheer the heart! This is the result of the 1999 election for Sarah Palin as mayor of Wasllia.

Anyone can see that out of an electorate of 1916 souls, 909 voted for the next Vice Presidentess. A huge 47% approval rating! The people have spoken! (And remember, everyone knows everyone else up there.) Her nearest rival John Stein (sounds jooish!) hardly made a third of that!

As Mr McCain pointed out, Alaska is next to Russia, so she’s got to be an expert on Russia – exactly what is required to keep Ivan out of the USA and the world a safe place!

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

(God forefend that the next thing is that we will have photos of him eating candles and clubbing baby seals!)

Frankly, I'm disappointed we haven't seen any pictures of Sarah clubbing some baby seals herself yet. That's the sort of thing that'd really get a red-blooded man's heart racing.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance

Frankly, I'm disappointed we haven't seen any pictures of Sarah clubbing some baby seals herself yet. That's the sort of thing that'd really get a red-blooded man's heart racing.

Yes, that'd work - but with Tod Palin's record of drunk driving, pictures of him would just bring up the "drunken-injun/eskimo" problems!

On the up side, the foreign experience of VP Palin has been researched: apparently she's been to Germany and Kuwait to visit Alaskan troops - OK, she set foot on a couple of US army bases - But it was ABROAD folks - emphasize that point!

Oh, and here's a picture from the UK media - though what they know about anything defeats me - word has passed beyond the borders and I have not the faintest idea where it will stop.

[Jeb Thurmond]

EVERYBODY GET BACK ON TRACK! STICK TO YOUR GOP TALKING POINTS!


GOP TALKING POINTS ON SARAH PALIN

• 1. Criticism of Sarah Palin is sexism.
• 2. Criticism of Sarah Palin is mean, because she's just a girl, and can't be expected to have the same thick skin as male politicians.
• 3. Criticism of Sarah Palin means you hate children with downs syndrome.
• 4. Only liberals would stoop so low as to talk about personal scandals.

Remember, it was liberals who used the politics of personal destruction to try to steal a dog from a 6 year old girl. Yes, I'm talking about how they claimed they were "fighting corruption" and "reveiling bribery" to cover their real agenda:

"We did get something, a gift, after the election. A man down in Texas heard Pat on the radio mention the fact that our two youngsters would like to have a dog. And believe it or not, the day before we left on this campaign trip we got a message from Union Station in Baltimore, saying they had a package for us. We went down to get it. You know what it was? It was a little cocker spaniel dog in a crate that he'd sent all the way from Texas, black and white, spotted. And our little girl Tricia, the six year old, named it "Checkers." And you know, the kids, like all kids, love the dog, and I just want to say this, right now, that regardless of what they say about it, we're gonna keep it." -Richard Nixon



You nasty liberals, willing to take a dog away from a six-year-old girl.

In conclusion:

When talking politics every sentence should be: Noun. Verb. 9/11

When talking John McCain every sentence should be: Noun. Verb. Hanoi.

When talking Sarah Palin every sentence should be: Noun. Verb. Downs syndrome fetus.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Friends, I'm sorry I have been absent for extended periods lately. I have been vetting VP nominees for GODLY War Hero John McCain, and I think I hit a home rum.

I was preaching to this little teen slut on a bearskin rug out in some mudflat in Alaska when she said "Hey! I'll bet my mom would like to get in on this! My mom likes smooth-tongued preachers."

So she kicked baby mongo into a closet and mom came in. Sure enough, she was HOT FOR JESUS! Plus, it turns out, she's the governor of Alaska and has all the attributes McCain needed to win..

So I calls him up and says "John! Ditch that JOO, Lieberman. I got a hottie for ya and when Cindy kicks you to the curb you are in like Flint!"

The rest is history. Or will be.