Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

[Wide-Open]

Friends,

I'm not familiar with the ins and outs, and I do know that a fleet of Escalades or AirJesus aircrafts has to be paid for, but I would like to express my outrage about the new banner ad we seem to have gotten.

It's about a book.

Fair enough.

It's not about THE Book!

That's not good.

It's about some secular guy in the "recording business". Now we all know that people in that "business" - if they are not recording Prussian Blue - are just Godless cokeheads who think they can mock Jesus and live on sushi.

Friends, DO NOT CLICK ON THAT LINK! I have done so, and have read this so called "book".

I wish I hadn't.

WHERE IS JESUS IN ALL THIS? Well, He's not there. Sure, there are stories about wiggers pissing on their own coat, people who are called "Dumbass", but nothing about our Lord and Saviour(R).

Nothing.

I hope the Pastors who run this site take note of my apprehension. DO NOT CLICK THAT LINK! Have we given in to the Mammon?

Matthew 6:24
No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.


Yours in Christ, (and pretty crossed, pun not intended)

Wide-Open.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

Well to be fair Brother, it does seem to be up there all the time, which keeps me from having to look at the ads for gay dating and Goth jewelry that seem to pop up randomly.

I just pretend it's something Godly. I'm sorry you clicked it. You'll be in my prayers.

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

So now what's next ? An invasion by Godless canuckistan ?

Thank you for the warning Brother.

[Talitha]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

Darn!
I thought it was some new kind of Kitchen gadget to save my cook some time

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

I bought a copy of the book and the advert went away! Praise!

[Talitha]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

I bought a copy of the book and the advert went away! Praise!

I'll try that

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

I thought it was some cookbook for the women.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

I never click on anything that that does not have God, KJV, Gun, or Ammo in the title. Simple as that. If it has all my key words, I add it to my favorites.

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

A quick entry to Google and bingo... the desperate lengths you Baptiwts will go to earn a dollar becomes clear. As soon as it was obvious there was trouble with this book I arranged for one of the young seminarians to do a detailed breakdown of this waste of paper. His research, presented at a long debriefing I conducted after dinner last night, details just how depraved the world of modern "music" is and how it is filled with illiterate peasants like the author in mention.

You are adverstising a book that promotes the sex, drugs and overblown lifestyles that insult Christian values in every way possible. Not only is there a glorification of drug use but there is a clear and overt connection between that and the so-called (some say so-cal) "gay" lifestyle.

Is "sharing a fatty" something you want Christian children to learn about?

What about "chocolate muffin eating"... does that sound Christian to you?

Should any child learn of these practices from a mediocre writer who relies on the "eff" word hundreds of times and appears to be under the influence of drugs most of the time... in addition to betraying the very people funding his immoral lifestyle?

Maybe the price of replacement parts for Pintos is getting too much for your cult to handle... why else would you pimp your site for an egomaniac writer of degenerate pulp who glorifies much of what is wrong with modern society?

You should learn from the example of The Holy Church of Rome where we do not stoop to cheap commercial enterprises to raise money.



Bless you, my backward bumpkins,
Father Mo



.

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

Brother Niel, my seminary student trainee, has unearthed a few internet quotes from this Mixerman and has just handed me more evidence that you folks are promoting the work of non-believers.

...anything about Genesis that does not have Gabriel is wasted on me... for the most part Genesis bores me after Lamb...

He can't even tell the difference between Luke, Daniel and the Old Testament.

...Sabbath is a joke now and can't be taken seriously by anyone over twelve.

A joke? The holy day of our Lord and Heavenly Father a joke?


Here are a few more courtesy of Brother Dowen's research.

... we used to love smoking a few fatties while getting dirty with some Jesus and Mary chain.

After twenty years in the confessional I don't need an urban dictionary to tell me what a "chain" is. He mocks Jesus and The Blessed Virgin in one... uh... stroke.

... I loved Priest, even when I found out he was gay...

I suppose you Babtwits might support him because of his obvious anti-Catholic slurs about The Virgin Mary and the esteemed and humble members of the Catholic clergy?

... I respect the work Charles did on Ricky Martin but I can't agree with hitting him so hard and often with those crude plug-ins, I would have used a lot more 'overeasy' on him... my attack and release approach is easier to take on both ends of the pipe.

Sure sounds like two gay S&M proponents discussing sex practices with a well known gay life-style follower.


Actually... seeing how is, supposedly, married but appears to be an anti-Catholic closet homosexual he could fit right in here quite easily.



Bless you, my desperate dupers,
Father Mo




.

[Larry Lee]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

Also... I've heard a rumor (rumour?) it's got a Canadian connection.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

A quick entry to Google and bingo... the desperate lengths you Baptiwts will go to earn a dollar becomes clear. As soon as it was obvious there was trouble with this book I arranged for one of the young seminarians to do a detailed breakdown of this waste of paper. His research, presented at a long debriefing I conducted after dinner last night, details just how depraved the world of modern "music" is and how it is filled with illiterate peasants like the author in mention.

Mr. Lester, I never thought I'd see the day that we would agree on anything, but it seems that moment has just arrived. (Although you misspelled Baptwits )

The contents of the book are a sore in the eye of Christianity! OK, not as bad as I thought earlier when I misunderstood the meaning of "passing a fatty" - I assumed that was about group sex with a gluttonous person - but still: a sore.

My mission was to get to the bottom of this sordid affair (no, not that way, pay attention!)

I have had emergency video conferences with, in that order, our LBC Marketing Department, our Joo lawyers, the DoF, Pastor Pistle (to calm down the Head of DoF), our Marketing Department again, a coroner (long story), a head hunter (we have a sudden job opening for a new marketing director), the pharmacy, and finally our lawyers again.

Conclusion?

It seems the contract can not be annulled. We are stuck with it. We have to give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar. We have to stick to secular law (and can only hope the Lord will intervene).

We can only URGE people to COMPLETELY IGNORE the banner ad, and quickly scroll to the real content of this Godly Forum. I call upon all you True Christians™ to just regard it as yet more proof that we are persecuted, just like the Lord said we would be.

We have also forbidden our lawyers to EVER gleefully grin again, but that's an aside.

You should learn from the example of The Holy Church of Rome where we do not stoop to cheap commercial enterprises to raise money.

Alas, it seems that our seeing eye to eye was short lived. Who would have guessed.

Well Mr. Lester, as soon as Landover Baptist has decided to link itself with the Banco Ambrosiano, the P2 loge, the Mafia, fascism, selling plastic "Virgin Mary" dolls and "Holy Water" in France to gullible cripples, and flogging our VW Golfs on eBay, we will accept your criticism. But only THEN!

Don't, however, hold your breath. On second thought, please do.

Yours in Christ,

Wide-Open

PS: if any True Christian who is reading this is interested in the position of Marketing Director, please know that you need to fully understand the difference between kitchen utensils and Rupert Neve consoles.

[Mixerman]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

WHERE IS JESUS IN ALL THIS?

Here. From your sponsor, The Daily Adventures of Mixerman.

Day 38 Part Deux: Meeting of the Ages
"Your bass player couldn’t find a groove in a fifty-year-old career hooker, and your guitar player, oh, Jesus God, your guitar player!"

Well, He's not there. Sure, there are stories about wiggers pissing on their own coat, people who are called "Dumbass", but nothing about our Lord and Saviour®.

Nothing.

Au contraire mon fraire!

From The Daily Adventures of Mixerman, the book that is currently keeping these holy doors open.


Foreward: (By Philip Stevenson)

In this book, for the first time, we now have the completed diary
as God and Mixerman himself intended. The final chapter is here, too, for new readers, as well as the more than 140,000 Web readers who may have lost a night’s sleep here or there, wondering what became of their all-too-human, less-than-gifted cast of
characters.

The Supreme Negotiators
Of course, the band is overlooking the fact that in the next three years, the producer will probably record in the neighborhood of twelve albums, while the band is God knows where, playing the same fifteen songs every night, wondering why they would ever write such trash. And if I were to connect the dots for you, the producer could offer me a hell of a lot more work in the coming years than the band could. But yes, despite this, I am surely the band’s ally.

Day 1: Uh-Oh...

For the briefest of moments, I thought that the drummer was actually playing a practical joke on me. I say this because I can only categorize the sounds emanating before me as some of the most god-awful drum sounds I’ve ever heard. Ever! Believe me when I tell you, I’ve heard some awfully bad-sounding drums.

Day 8: A Fatty Day

Here the band has a very good guitar player who can effortlessly
and quickly lay down the parts, and the shitty guitar player is
the one laying down the majority of them. Next thing you know,
Dumb Ass is going to want to sing one of the songs.
God help us if that happens

Day 10: The Albatross
Since we weren’t working today—God forbid I get a three-day
weekend after this debacle—Willy asked me if I could mix a song
for him from another project that he’s been working on.
Day 11: Win One for the Gipper (football reference here. Everyone knows that God loves football, and is always on the winning side, including the side of the Gipper. This of course has a double meaning in that it also includes Ronald Reagan, back when God was involved in politics.))
Thank God I wasn’t drinking a cup of coffee when he said this,
as it seems to me that’s exactly what I said to him last week! Of
course, I didn’t mention any of that to Willy. I responded to him
appropriately with agreement and praise, expressing my encouragement
of such great concepts in recording.

Day 12: Girlfriend Day
Don’t get me wrong. I love women. God do I love women.

Day 19: A Man, a Plan, a Canal, Panama

After the fourth take, Johnny pounded another shot and promptly pronounced that he needed to puke, so I quickly escorted him to Fingaz’s bathroom, where he commenced a short prayer to the porcelain God.

Day 21: Film At Eleven
I decided to wear a god-awful Hawaiian button-down shirt for my film debut, as that is what Ed Cherney wore for his cameo on the Bette Midler Show. I know, because I watched it.

Day 22: Show Time
I swear to God, this guy could fu*ck up a wet dream. (Er...forget that one).

Day 23: Audio Placebo
“Yes, if you turn that knob, the snare will soar,” I answered. “But for God’s sake, be careful!” I exclaimed.

Day 25: The Offering

God forbid Dumb Ass actually admits on camera that he uses a tech to either replace or tune his drum heads.

Day 26: It's All in the Mix
First up was Harmon Neenot, the bass player, well established as one of the most god-awful singers on the planet, perhaps even in the universe—

Day 31: The Inevitable Meltdown

Blister was taking it all in stride, and when Dumb Ass finished his most god-awful presentation of how to play drums, which in reality should have been a seminar on how not to play drums, Blister took his position on the drum throne again.

Day 38 Part Deux: Meeting of the Ages
I wish to God I had a mini tape recorder with me in order to capture Willy’s response, as it was classic!

Day 45: Penny Pincher
I swear to God, this guy doesn’t recognize me from one day to the next.

I hope the Pastors who run this site take note of my apprehension. DO NOT CLICK THAT LINK! Have we given in to the Mammon?

Matthew 6:24
No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

I think you mean, "Ye cannot serve God and MIXERMAN," See how it works when you make a deal with the devil?

I bought a copy of the book and the advert went away! Praise!

Praise Allah!

Enjoy,

Mixerman

P.S. To the Administrators of this site (WHO I'M FUNDING THANK YOU VERY MUCH), I don't appreciate you replacing my logo (a modified Yin Yang, representing the path to enlightenment by portraying harmony between the dark brooding female, and the light dominant male), with a picture of Phil Specter. I am not in jail! (Anymore).

[Wash O'Hanley]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

I sure hope the Mix in Mixerman has nothing to do with Race-mixing.

[JennyD]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

Mr. Mixerman, did you come to check up on your banner ad, or would you like to learn about my friend Jesus?