A Joyous Occasion on Saturday! Come one, Come All! *

[Professor Bessemer]

Brothers and Sisters, I would like to formally invite you to my home for a wonderful, wonderful event. Brother Aaron Portway will be marrying the delightful young Naomi Good at 1:00PM this coming Saturday.

I know this is short notice, but the bride's parents just recently announced that their daughter had turned fourteen and that they were ready for her to become a True Christian™ wife. As most of you know, Brother Portway has been looking for a suitable helpmeet for several years, so it is understandable that he jumped at this glorious opportunity.

Unfortunately, all of our local churches were already booked for various events, and as I had already volunteered to host the reception, my estate was the obvious choice for the actual nuptials.

A short reception will of course follow the ceremony. We are currently contacting and negotiating with Pastors to perform the ceremony. There will be no paper invitations, due to time constraints. Gifts should wrapped and considered compulsory. See you this weekend! Glory!

*Only True Christians Will be Allowed Admittance. Thank You for Your Understanding

[Holyfield]

Re: A Joyous Occasion on Saturday! Come one, Come All! *

Congratulations!

It makes me so happy when a man finds a good wife. The age difference of 25 years shouldn't be a problem. True LOVE overcomes all.

I have a verse for Capt. Portway

Prov 5:18-19 "Let thy fountain be blessed: And rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; Let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; And be thou ravished always with her love."

And for the future Mrs Portway

Prov 31:11-12 "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, So that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil All the days of her life."

Oh, how I wish I could attend this True Christian™ wedding!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: A Joyous Occasion on Saturday! Come one, Come All! *

Congratulations!

It makes me so happy when a man finds a good wife. The age difference of 25 years shouldn't be a problem. True LOVE overcomes all.

I have a verse for Capt. Portway

Prov 5:18-19 "Let thy fountain be blessed: And rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; Let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; And be thou ravished always with her love."

And for the future Mrs Portway

Prov 31:11-12 "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, So that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil All the days of her life."

Oh, how I wish I could attend this True Christian™ wedding!

Thanks for the nice wishes Brother. I'm sorry you can't come.

The Professor has a policy about unsaved people in his house. I think it's got something to do with how he used to be a fag and all.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: A Joyous Occasion on Saturday! Come one, Come All! *

As said in the purchase thread, Mrs Papist is baking away so go nowhere else for the cake. You know how moist and delicious her baking is. And as for the icing... to nibble on her decorations... well let's just say they melt in the mouth. You can see how invitingly the curtain elements on the fringes dangle down inviting you to taste them.

[James Hutchins]

Re: A Joyous Occasion on Saturday! Come one, Come All! *

I am thrilled by the prospects of the Holy Nuptials. I assume you do not want me to bring any children under the age of 12 as everyone knows, they are nothing but trouble. So I'll need five tables that seat eight. We will have the steak.
Are you going to do a wedding registry at "Bobs Guns, Ammo and Religious Memorabilia" in downtown Landover?

Edit: I just checked, I do not think Mrs. Hutchins can make it, she has too many chores to do. I'll bring my nieces, Mandi and Brandi in her place.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: A Joyous Occasion on Saturday! Come one, Come All! *

I am thrilled by the prospects of the Holy Nuptials. I assume you do not want me to bring any children under the age of 12 as everyone knows, they are nothing but trouble. So I'll need five tables that seat eight. We will have the steak.
Are you going to do a wedding registry at "Bobs Guns, Ammo and Religious Memorabilia" in downtown Landover?

The Professor told me there'd be plenty of room for everybody, so bring whoever (except the kids) as long as they're Saved(c). As far as gifts go, I'm pretty set up on guns, but I could always use ammo. I shoot mostly 9mm, but I am low on .50 cal hollow points for my Desert Eagle.

Also, I want to get Naomi set up real nice with lady-type stuff. So anything like mops, brooms, buckets, clothespins, aprons, sponges, cleanser, stuff like that would be great.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: A Joyous Occasion on Saturday! Come one, Come All! *

Oh my goodness I am THRILLED for our dear Captain Portway! And think how much good our little Naomi is doing for God(tm) and The Church by devoting herself to the home, and HER MAN, despite the vile, worldly temptations lying everywhere about us!

They grow up so fast...
.

[James Hutchins]

Re: A Joyous Occasion on Saturday! Come one, Come All! *

The Professor told me there'd be plenty of room for everybody, so bring whoever (except the kids) as long as they're Saved©. As far as gifts go, I'm pretty set up on guns, but I could always use ammo. I shoot mostly 9mm, but I am low on .50 cal hollow points for my Desert Eagle.

You got it buddy. I'll put a call in to Bob today, I know just what to get! You still have that hitch on the back of your Hummer, right?

Also, I want to get Naomi set up real nice with lady-type stuff. So anything like mops, brooms, buckets, clothespins, aprons, sponges, cleanser, stuff like that would be great.

I have a few cases of bleach and ammonia. Mixed it really cleans the house. Put us down for a scrub brush for your soon to be Mrs.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: A Joyous Occasion on Saturday! Come one, Come All! *

If I'm flying across the Atlantic for this occasion I at least want to be assured of a good, juicy spit roast. I hope one of your wives is going to oblige. Outdoors of course, so the juices can really flow and get the flames roaring. I've heard great things of such delights laid on by the ladies of Freehold.

[Catherine Moore]

Re: A Joyous Occasion on Saturday! Come one, Come All! *

Congratulations Captain Portway. I look forwards to your announcement in nine months of a new soldier for Christ.

Of course, I won't be attending - the last thing you want on this happy day is a non True Christian bringing God's displeasure on your wedding - but I hope it wouldn't be to presumptuous to offer a gift.

Does the future Mrs Portway need any dishclothes?

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: A Joyous Occasion on Saturday! Come one, Come All! *

Brothers and Sisters, I would like to formally invite you to my home for a wonderful, wonderful event. Brother Aaron Portway will be marrying the delightful young Naomi Good at 1:00PM this coming Saturday.

I know this is short notice, but the bride's parents just recently announced that their daughter had turned fourteen and that they were ready for her to become a True Christian™ wife. As most of you know, Brother Portway has been looking for a suitable helpmeet for several years, so it is understandable that he jumped at this glorious opportunity.

Unfortunately, all of our local churches were already booked for various events, and as I had already volunteered to host the reception, my estate was the obvious choice for the actual nuptials.

A short reception will of course follow the ceremony. We are currently contacting and negotiating with Pastors to perform the ceremony. There will be no paper invitations, due to time constraints. Gifts should wrapped and considered compulsory. See you this weekend! Glory!

*Only True Christians Will be Allowed Admittance. Thank You for Your Understanding

I'm so sorry that I cannot attend as my shift at work starts in ten minutes but my hopes are that many, many Soldiers of Christ will spring from her youthful nethers to push the forces of Satan back to the lake of fire, before she dies.

As an aside I have many, many articles that I have sequestered over the years re: operant conditioning that I suspect could be very useful in getting you marriage off to a swimming start.

All the best!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: A Joyous Occasion on Saturday! Come one, Come All! *

Congratulations Captain Portway. I look forwards to your announcement in nine months of a new soldier for Christ.

Of course, I won't be attending - the last thing you want on this happy day is a non True Christian bringing God's displeasure on your wedding - but I hope it wouldn't be to presumptuous to offer a gift.

Does the future Mrs Portway need any dishclothes?

Yes! I forgot to mention wash clothes and dish towels. Also, she'll need coveralls and rubber overshoes (size small I guess) for when she's dealing with the hogs. I'm not going to put up with pig poop being tracked into my house.

[Roberta]

Re: A Joyous Occasion on Saturday! Come one, Come All! *

The timings is kinda' bad. Do you have a place I can go to? I don't want to spoil the festivities.

You're not serving fish, are you?

[TheLordSavedMe]

Re: A Joyous Occasion on Saturday! Come one, Come All! *

CONGRATULATIONS CAPTAIN!!!

I super-duper TOTTTTTTTAAAALLLLLYY wish I could be there!

But I can't afford to fly there and I don't have time to drive and I have to work tomorrow at The Pita Pit anyways!

I bet Naomi is REALLLLLY nice and she is sssooooooooooo lucky that you're marrying her!

I'll send some presents when I get the chance!








Tammi

[tyler the earthworm]

Re: A Joyous Occasion on Saturday! Come one, Come All! *

Congratulations!

It makes me so happy when a man finds a good wife. The age difference of 25 years shouldn't be a problem. True LOVE overcomes all.

I have a verse for Capt. Portway

Prov 5:18-19 "Let thy fountain be blessed: And rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; Let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; And be thou ravished always with her love."

And for the future Mrs Portway

Prov 31:11-12 "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, So that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil All the days of her life."

Oh, how I wish I could attend this True Christian™ wedding!

TRUE LOVE HOW IS THAT TRUE LOVE SHE WAS SOLD WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!