[Proud Mary (worshiper)]

Re: Pastor Deacon Fred on Mary Worshiping Papists

Proud Mary:

It just seems like such a favor-grubbing thing to do, running alonside these "saints", trying to catch their attention in order to beg them for special help.

If you see your Virgin Mary and the saints as some sort of celebrity group, don't you think they're rather busy with their lofty lifestyle?

Grow up, stand up, and take your prayers directly to God! Don't trust an underling like Mary to DO YOUR WORK FOR YOU.

They do have a lofty lifestyle, I envy them praying all day and serving the Lord. I wish I could have their job. Have you no respect for the woman who gave birth to raised and nurtured our savior? Who is closer to someone than their own mother. I don't ask Mary to do my work for me. Say I'm praying for a sick family member and I ask you to pray for them too. Does that mean I'm not praying anymore? No! It means I am asking for your help.

[Proud Mary (worshiper)]

Re: Pastor Deacon Fred on Mary Worshiping Papists

I have to go now but I promise I'll be back in the morning to help cure you all of your ignorance. God Bless.

A closing prayer for tonight. I think a Hail Mary would be fitting.
Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst all women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death Amen.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Pastor Deacon Fred on Mary Worshiping Papists

They do have a lofty lifestyle, I envy them praying all day and serving the Lord. I wish I could have their job. Have you no respect for the woman who gave birth to raised and nurtured our savior? Who is closer to someone than their own mother. I don't ask Mary to do my work for me.

She's dead. She can't hear you.

The Bible does not say that she was taken into Heaven before death; therefore, she awaits Resurrection just like your great-Grandmother.

I have to go now but I promise I'll be back in the morning to help cure you all of your ignorance. God Bless.

A closing prayer for tonight. I think a Heil Mary would be fitting.
<Satanic Nazi filth removed>

We do not pray to dead women here, Pagan.

My advice to you would be not to ever do that again, unless you wish for the Pastors to ban you for attempting to entice us from the One True Faith into your perverted Paganism!

[Proud Mary (worshiper)]

Re: Pastor Deacon Fred on Mary Worshiping Papists

She's dead. She can't hear you.

The Bible does not say that she was taken into Heaven before death; therefore, she awaits Resurrection just like your great-Grandmother.

We do not pray to dead women here, Pagan.

My advice to you would be not to ever do that again, unless you wish for the Pastors to ban you for attempting to entice us from the One True Faith into your perverted Paganism!

You obviously have very little faith in your own beliefs if you think little old me could entice you to become Catholic. To ban me would only be to confirm your fear of the truth. I'm still curious what you believe of John 6:51-57 if you TRULY believe in the Bible. (Although you follow an incomplete one. It would suck to be you; missing out on God's word.)

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: Pastor Deacon Fred on Mary Worshiping Papists

Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst all women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death Amen.

We don't dispute that Mary is blessed among women, but is that the kind of stuff you say when you ask a friend to pray for you? Also, I resent your calling Jesus a fruit. Jesus was as straight as Pastor Ezekiel.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Pastor Deacon Fred on Mary Worshiping Papists

OK,

• God has a Plan
• He is unlikely to change that Plan because He is the most Wise Being that has ever, ever existed. His genius is so high that we mere mortals cannot conceive how much He knows about everything.
• He has decided to call you or some else to Glory or Damnation - you think He might be wrong... and would have Him change His Perfect Mind.
• What effect do you think a prayer to Mary will make?

You must believe she trots along to the House of Many Mansions having made an appointment with God and then mention your prayer!

What would the Lord say in His Well-modulated Tones?

First he would comment that a woman has no place telling a man what to do and thus even less telling Him.

Next He would try to make the woman understand that He has a Plan and that it’s not going to change because of her because she has not got the big picture.

Then he might mention that whilst He is busy smiting thousands and smiling upon a few (mainly Landover) she is taking up His valuable time.

Then she would say, “Yes, I understand all that [but as she’s a woman this is unlikely] but Proud Catlick was insistent! He wants you to save several hundred jigaboos from being eaten by a behemoth.”

And God would frown (this is a Bad Sign) and reply, “Mary, I realize that we had something going once but you were a mere baby oven and that was over 2000 years ago. Can’t you understand, this is My Creation, I know how it works and I know what will happen. If you change one thing, everything will change and I’ll be up for a further six days and six nights! Now, please return to the Holy Stables and leave me to concentrate; as it is half of Belgium has been flooded whilst you distracted me!”

And that would be it, because everyone knows God is to be obeyed.

In short, prayer to Mary is a dead loss. Now, a prayer direct to God is a different matter. He takes an interest in those who take an interest in Him. Think of the Patriarchs – all of them (and many who weren’t) heard God and Spoke with Him – some even wrestled with Him (or not – that’s debatable.) Abraham even persuaded Him to lower his search numbers for a Godly man in Sodom and Gomorrah (Ge:18:26:33) so we see that direct words to God are a good thing and intervention between Man and God is a bad thing.

Now, are you ready to be Baptized into Landover? Even you can now see that your life has been (a) on the broad path and (b) wasted up until now!

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: Pastor Deacon Fred on Mary Worshiping Papists

For anyone out there who's Catholic or (God forbid!) thinking about converting to Catholicism, you really need to check this out.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Pastor Deacon Fred on Mary Worshiping Papists

Thank you, Brother Bathfire, for so gloriously summing up the futility of praying to Proud Mary : (

Alas, some papists just don't get it.

(sigh)

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Pastor Deacon Fred on Mary Worshiping Papists

For anyone out there who's Catholic or (God forbid!) thinking about converting to Catholicism, you really need to check this out.

Amen Brother. I would also urge any papist dogs out there to study Brother Jeb's excellent thread on the 11 deadly sins of the catlicker "church."

Now that the Demoncrats have taken over, expect a papist jihad declared against God's favorite church (Landover Baptist). To arms, Brothers!

[Proud Mary (worshiper)]

Re: Pastor Deacon Fred on Mary Worshiping Papists

OK,

• God has a Plan
• He is unlikely to change that Plan because He is the most Wise Being that has ever, ever existed. His genius is so high that we mere mortals cannot conceive how much He knows about everything.
• He has decided to call you or some else to Glory or Damnation - you think He might be wrong... and would have Him change His Perfect Mind.
• What effect do you think a prayer to Mary will make?

You must believe she trots along to the House of Many Mansions having made an appointment with God and then mention your prayer!

What would the Lord say in His Well-modulated Tones?

First he would comment that a woman has no place telling a man what to do and thus even less telling Him.

Next He would try to make the woman understand that He has a Plan and that it’s not going to change because of her because she has not got the big picture.

Then he might mention that whilst He is busy smiting thousands and smiling upon a few (mainly Landover) she is taking up His valuable time.

Then she would say, “Yes, I understand all that [but as she’s a woman this is unlikely] but Proud Catlick was insistent! He wants you to save several hundred jigaboos from being eaten by a behemoth.”

And God would frown (this is a Bad Sign) and reply, “Mary, I realize that we had something going once but you were a mere baby oven and that was over 2000 years ago. Can’t you understand, this is My Creation, I know how it works and I know what will happen. If you change one thing, everything will change and I’ll be up for a further six days and six nights! Now, please return to the Holy Stables and leave me to concentrate; as it is half of Belgium has been flooded whilst you distracted me!”

And that would be it, because everyone knows God is to be obeyed.

In short, prayer to Mary is a dead loss. Now, a prayer direct to God is a different matter. He takes an interest in those who take an interest in Him. Think of the Patriarchs – all of them (and many who weren’t) heard God and Spoke with Him – some even wrestled with Him (or not – that’s debatable.) Abraham even persuaded Him to lower his search numbers for a Godly man in Sodom and Gomorrah (Ge:18:26:33) so we see that direct words to God are a good thing and intervention between Man and God is a bad thing.

Now, are you ready to be Baptized into Landover? Even you can now see that your life has been (a) on the broad path and (b) wasted up until now!

A. Mary doesn't mention my prayer to God. She prays to him as well.
B.Why do you think so lowly of women?
C.So you think praying is futile?
D.I will never want to be Baptized into your hateful 'Church'. And I have proved your 'pastor' wrong. He cannot convert any Catholic is a minute.
E.The real irony is-I am a woman!

[Proud Mary (worshiper)]

Re: Pastor Deacon Fred on Mary Worshiping Papists

We don't dispute that Mary is blessed among women, but is that the kind of stuff you say when you ask a friend to pray for you? Also, I resent your calling Jesus a fruit. Jesus was as straight as Pastor Ezekiel.

Please tell me your joking?

[Proud Mary (worshiper)]

Re: Pastor Deacon Fred on Mary Worshiping Papists

Riddle me this crazies. Do you take the Bible as the word of God? Do you follow its every command? You believe all that it tells you?
If you answered yes than please explain why you choose not to believe John 6:51-55? Catholics are the only ones who actually follow these verses and believe them.

[Proud Mary (worshiper)]

Re: Pastor Deacon Fred on Mary Worshiping Papists

I'll take advantage of the fact that no one else is online right now to say this-I understand this site is supposed to be satire and to make fun of certain Chrisitians but why?

[JennyD]

Re: Pastor Deacon Fred on Mary Worshiping Papists

I'll take advantage of the fact that no one else is online right now to say this-I understand this site is supposed to be satire and to make fun of certain Chrisitians but why?

Perhaps if you read anything beyond the threads you've created, such as, say, the Welcome Thread, you'd already have your answer.

Since you're too lazy to go look for yourself, I've cut and pasted the relevant section for you:

• • Do you think we are a parody?

  Perhaps you've heard that we are a joke, satire or parody, and you came to our site for a few cheap laughs or "lulz", only to find people taking everything seriously. So now you have decided to be the first to "spill the beans" and let everyone in on your "knowledge". Friend, this has been done so many times that it isn't funny any more.
  
  When an Atheist loses a debate to a fundamentalist Christian, it is a common tactic to accuse the Christian of being a parody. The Atheist is so full of pride, that he cannot imagine being outsmarted by a dumb God-Believer, so he thinks the Christian must be an Atheist like himself who is only pretending to be Christian. This is known as Tabor's Law.
  
  Our situation is not helped by the fact that there is some atheist satirist who does an impression of our Pastor Deacon Fred at atheist conventions. People hear about him and start rumors that they are the same person and that the real Landover Baptist Church is also just a joke. Some Atheists go so far as to vandalize our church's Wikipedia page to say that we are a satire.
  
  Here is a link to the version of the Landover Baptist Wikipedia article before the vandals got hold of it.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Pastor Deacon Fred on Mary Worshiping Papists

Riddle me this crazies. Do you take the Bible as the word of God? Do you follow its every command? You believe all that it tells you?
If you answered yes than please explain why you choose not to believe John 6:51-55? Catholics are the only ones who actually follow these verses and believe them.

Maybe you should try that in context. It's easy to twist Scripture by pulling out an isolated verse.

John 6

42 And they said, Is not this Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? how is it then that he saith, I came down from heaven?

43 Jesus therefore answered and said unto them, Murmur not among yourselves.

44 No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day.

45 It is written in the prophets, And they shall be all taught of God. Every man therefore that hath heard, and hath learned of the Father, cometh unto me.

46 Not that any man hath seen the Father, save he which is of God, he hath seen the Father.

47 Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.

48 I am that bread of life.

49 Your fathers did eat manna in the wilderness, and are dead.

50 This is the bread which cometh down from heaven, that a man may eat thereof, and not die.

51 I am the living bread which came down from heaven: if any man eat of this bread, he shall live for ever: and the bread that I will give is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.

52 The Jews therefore strove among themselves, saying, How can this man give us his flesh to eat?

53 Then Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except ye eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink his blood, ye have no life in you.

54 Whoso eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life; and I will raise him up at the last day.

55 For my flesh is meat indeed, and my blood is drink indeed.

56 He that eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, dwelleth in me, and I in him.

57 As the living Father hath sent me, and I live by the Father: so he that eateth me, even he shall live by me.

58 This is that bread which came down from heaven: not as your fathers did eat manna, and are dead: he that eateth of this bread shall live for ever.

59 These things said he in the synagogue, as he taught in Capernaum.

60 Many therefore of his disciples, when they had heard this, said, This is an hard saying; who can hear it?

61 When Jesus knew in himself that his disciples murmured at it, he said unto them, Doth this offend you?

62 What and if ye shall see the Son of man ascend up where he was before?

63 It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.

64 But there are some of you that believe not. For Jesus knew from the beginning who they were that believed not, and who should betray him.

65 And he said, Therefore said I unto you, that no man can come unto me, except it were given unto him of my Father.

You are like a confused Jew, Loud Catholic. The words are the bread of life, and are spirit. He is NOT saying "eat me", he is speaking metaphorically. Like in a parable; you've heard of parables, right?