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  • Ezekiel Bathfire
    Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
    Christ's Rottweiler
     
    • Jan 2008
    • 22840

    #1

    Jesus and Prostate Trouble

    As the Wise Men journey towards the manger in Bethlehem, it is a good time to remind ourselves of the presents they brought for the Baby Jesus; gold, frankincense and myrrh. Now, it is proposed by the scholars of the 19th century that these gifts were appropriate because gold represented Christ the King, Frankincence is for anointing and healing Exodus 30:34 and symbolizes sinlessness Lev:5:11 and myrrh is used to anoint a body (John 19:39), and thus that they foretold of the King of Heaven, sinless and eventually dying (temporarily.)

    All well and good, but is this the correct interpretation? We must bear in mind that the significance is only man made – It does not say in the Bible why the Wise Men chose these gifts. Remember, these men were wise – really wise! If they were that wise, they would know that foretelling the future is a sin!

    Read this question here
    I would appreciate learning more about Myrrh and why it is useful as an enema additive in the treatment of prostata trouble.
    Note then the answer,
    Frankincense and myrrh are both resins that come from trees of the genus Boswellia (frankincense) and Commiphora (myrrh). Boswellia extract has been found to be possibly helpful in the treatment of the prostate as well as a number of other maladies.
    OK, that leaves gold. Consider the way an enema has to be administered; the last thing you want is sharp edges. Gold is extremely ductile and soft. If you are going to have something inserted, then surely there is an advantage in its being gold.

    Let us not stop here but refer ourselves to a great biblical scholar, Prune Danish, who, in this post puts forward solid reasoning to show that Jesus was crucified when he was about 46 years old. A little early for prostate trouble, but not unheard of.

    I think that Jesus would have appreciated something for His prostate more than a few gifts “foretelling” something.
    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
  • BrotherBill
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Dec 2008
    • 63

    #2
    Re: Jesus and Prostate Trouble

    I don't believe that Jesus ever defecated.
    If humans evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?

    Comment

    • SayvedByTheLord
      Sinner Who Has Found the Truth©
      True Christian™
      • May 2007
      • 3151

      #3
      Re: Jesus and Prostate Trouble

      Originally posted by BrotherBill View Post
      I don't believe that Jesus ever defecated.
      Actually angels carried it away.


      Leviticus 26:27-29

      27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
      28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
      29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

      Comment

      • Nobar King
        Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
        Christ's Guardian
        True Christian™
        • Sep 2007
        • 23748

        #4
        Re: Jesus and Prostate Trouble

        Did they even have prostate trouble back then? I don't remember reading anything about it.
        May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

        Comment

        • Pastor Al E Pistle
          Christ's Cōnsiliārius
           
          • Sep 2006
          • 9323

          #5
          Re: Jesus and Prostate Trouble

          Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
          Did they even have prostate trouble back then? I don't remember reading anything about it.
          'Prostate' is the proper translation of 'locusts'.
          Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
          "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
          Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


          Comment

          • Mrs. Rogers
            compassion personified
            True Christian™
            • Sep 2006
            • 2692

            #6
            Re: Jesus and Prostate Trouble

            Originally posted by SayvedByTheLord View Post
            Actually angels carried it away.
            ... and then dumped it on what is now known as the Gaza Strip, if my sources are correct.

            What an honour for those angels, Brother Sayved.
            True Christians are Perfect!

            Signs that you belong to a FALSE Christian Church.

            Persecution You Have Endured for CHRIST: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in Christ.

            For True Christians™ only: please send me Project Habakkuk updates at gertruderogers@landoverbaptist.net. Thank you.

            Comment

            • Jimmy-Roy Stewart
              Tin Tither
              True Christian™
              • Oct 2008
              • 234

              #7
              Re: Jesus and Prostate Trouble

              Im' old enough now that the doctor has to check my prostrate i have it done at the Landover center for creation medicine the doctor always takes a long time checking my prostrate he says its' important to do a good job cause its' so important to mens' health and all.

              Comment

              • Ezekiel Bathfire
                Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                Christ's Rottweiler
                 
                • Jan 2008
                • 22840

                #8
                Re: Jesus and Prostate Trouble

                Originally posted by Jimmy-Roy Stewart View Post
                Im' old enough now that the doctor has to check my prostrate i have it done at the Landover center for creation medicine the doctor always takes a long time checking my prostrate he says its' important to do a good job cause its' so important to mens' health and all.
                Is that Dr. Cecil Hardpole? I’m just saying, make sure you can’t see both his hands when he’s examining you… I’m just saying that you understand…? Don't read anything into it.
                sigpic


                “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                Author of such illuminating essays as,
                Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                Comment

                • SayvedByTheLord
                  Sinner Who Has Found the Truth©
                  True Christian™
                  • May 2007
                  • 3151

                  #9
                  Re: Jesus and Prostate Trouble

                  Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
                  Is that Dr. Cecil Hardpole? I’m just saying, make sure you can’t see both his hands when he’s examining you… I’m just saying that you understand…? Don't read anything into it.


                  I must go to my prayer closet now.


                  Leviticus 26:27-29

                  27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
                  28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
                  29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

                  Comment

                  • Father Peter Rast
                    Unsaved trash, papist dog
                    • Apr 2008
                    • 47

                    #10
                    Re: Jesus and Prostate Trouble

                    Originally posted by Jimmy-Roy Stewart View Post
                    Im' old enough now that the doctor has to check my prostrate i have it done at the Landover center for creation medicine the doctor always takes a long time checking my prostrate he says its' important to do a good job cause its' so important to mens' health and all.
                    Should you ever move to my diocese, I can heartily recommend the prostate center at Pope Julius III Catholic Hospital.
                    Matthew 16:18-19: So I now say to you: You are Peter and on this rock I will build my community. And the gates of the underworld can never overpower it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of Heaven: whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven; whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

                    Comment

                    • Ezekiel Bathfire
                      Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                      Christ's Rottweiler
                       
                      • Jan 2008
                      • 22840

                      #11
                      Re: Jesus and Prostate Trouble

                      Originally posted by Father Peter Rast View Post
                      Should you ever move to my diocese, I can heartily recommend the prostate center at Pope Julius III Catholic Hospital.
                      I could not imagine a worse place for a Christian man to visit. None of us will have missed the reference to that homer pederast.
                      sigpic


                      “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                      Author of such illuminating essays as,
                      Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                      Comment

                      • Pastor Isaac Peters
                        Senior Pastor
                        Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
                        Always Biblically correct
                        True Christian™
                        • Sep 2006
                        • 10639

                        #12
                        Re: Jesus and Prostate Trouble

                        I'm surprised that after all this time, the local death-cookie-munchers haven't responded to Brother Bathfire to say that the Renaissance popes were just misunderstood , or some such. Who is going to rev up the Romanist spin machine? Major Tom? Mo?
                        This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

                        Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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