[SalvationSeeker]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

How is this hunt going?

Glad you asked, not feeling very safe are you witch?
Not too well however, I've only bagged a few, seems most of them have already been killed.
But I have made some effort to score most creative kill.

One witch I knocked out and tied up before I covered her in honey and threw her in an ant stack..
She's still alive mind you, but she won't last long now, probably only a few hours more.
With Jesus help, the ants have already ate themselfs a long way into her flesh.
Praise!

And I killed another by shooting her in the kneecaps and then searing her flesh with a blowtorch.

I'm hopeful that one of these will land me the title of 'Most creative kill'.
My other kills haven't been much to boast about though, a bullet there, a hand grenade there.. Nothing extraordinary.
But the most important thing here, is that we are doing the work of JESUS. We are doing what we are COMMANDED to do.
Praise!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

.

I see. Does moonflower, your cook, know what you're doing? Did you have to send her into the afterlife?

I should think so, we have posters all over Landover and I have her wearing an orange vest to avoid any mistakes.

You didn't even try to brainwash convert her?
Meanies, the lot of you!

Now look here, we did drop leaflets on the woods instructing them how to surrender to Christ.

Well I'M not eating the damn spiders. And it's because of you that I'm IN the cave therefore any complimentary spiders are being shipped straight to Wu Lins err....away.

As I said, I am in a nice, centrally heated and air-conditioned house for my beliefs, you are a spider infested cave Rachael for yours. Now who is the clueless fool?

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

Oh pretty good for me. I bagged a 300lbr; I sent the first round over her head to spook her, just for fun. You should have seen her little fat feet try to run. She was crying, her face was all red (under the baby blood stains). Second round; right dead middle of the chest. Damn if her body fat didn't stop the bullet. Just like shooting a pillow. Well, she’s burning in hell now.

Next I am going after one of those little asexual type wickers. I hear with their jumping around they can be a lot of fun.

I see. Does moonflower, your cook, know what you're doing? Did you have to send her into the afterlife? You didn't even try to brainwash convert her?
Meanies, the lot of you!

Eat spiders? We're not the ones in a cave Rachael.

Well I'M not eating the damn spiders. And it's because of you that I'm IN the cave therefore any complimentary spiders are being shipped straight to Wu Lins err....away.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

GOT ME A WICCAN

GOT ME ANOTHER ONE!! GLORY!!
Excuse me for being a little breathless, but I just got me another one.

Creepy fella pulled all my clothes off before I finally got him down and beat him to submission.

He was too heavy for me to lift, so I wrapped him in a comforter and drug him out by the dumpster. I would appreciate it if a strong Brother could go dispose of the lifeless body.

Proud! Sister Thumper

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

How is this hunt going? No one has come any closer to any witch I personally know.

Oh pretty good for me. I bagged a 300lbr; I sent the first round over her head to spook her, just for fun. You should have seen her little fat feet try to run. She was crying, her face was all red (under the baby blood stains). Second round; right dead middle of the chest. Damn if her body fat didn't stop the bullet. Just like shooting a pillow. Well, she’s burning in hell now.

Next I am going after one of those little asexual type wickers. I hear with their jumping around they can be a lot of fun.

Meanwhile we have these caves to put up with. And SPIDERS
(All of which will be sent to landover as a gift...you guys eat spiders, right?)

Eat spiders? We're not the ones in a cave Rachael.

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

Personally my hunt has been going well -- I have incorporated it into my Lieberal Evilutionist Extermination event, and am happy to report that I am having trouble hauling corpses to my, erm, disposal area without too much attention being focused upon me.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

How is this hunt going? No one has come any closer to any witch I personally know.
Meanwhile we have these caves to put up with. And SPIDERS
(All of which will be sent to landover as a gift...you guys eat spiders, right?)

[MoonFlower]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

She even rejected the loving name I had given her and became known as MOONFLOWER.

I almost didn't survive the shock. I still try to keep the hunters from nailing her skin to the trophy house wall every October, but I can't protect her forever and she will end up as SATAN'S sphincter.

My point is that hearing that name is painful to me.

This is what I get even after attempting to applogize to you?! Geesh, Pa'daddy, I go to your house EVERY night after a long day at BJ's just to make you some tea and fix up a hot bath for you! You know very well that I am willing to convert for a good TC man! And everything you taught me has actually stuck! I'm not your typical goth wiccan Pa'daddy and you know that!

At least there are a few pastors that still have faith in me.

Moon

PS - I'M NOT DARK SKINNED.....I just have a kick ass tan....with no tan lines.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

Thank you Mother G. It was very thrilling indeed!

I made thess necklaces from the kills that they made last year. One for Pastor Zeke and one for Tater. The bigger one is from a warlock. Those were hard to pull out. I had to break his jaw in 4 places with a sledge hammer.

I think I will have Tater wear it tomorrow when they go witch huntng again. It will be sure to bring him good luck.


GLORY!

Proud, Sister Thumper

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

GLORY Mother G. I killed 2 this weekend. Pastor Zeke actually mortally wounded them, but he let me finish them off! He was in a very generous mood this weekend. He helped Tater execute a few too!

Proud, Sister (Eradicator) Thumper

God bless you Thumper! I sure hope you took pictures for our contest. Pastor Zeke is such a wonderful man of the cloth. And it's so kind of him to show your (very promising) son the True Christian way. Don't forget to save the teeth for arts and crafts. IMPRESSED GLENDORA

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

What the heck! witch hunting I swear we are in the 21st century not the middle ages!

Within the U.S. border perhaps. But this is a big world and different customs and laws apply in different parts of the world. Besides with enough tithes we haven't had to worry so much about U.S. law either. There are trespassing laws after all. Stop being such a close-minded bigot.

[Jesus is Lord]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

What the heck! witch hunting I swear we are in the 21st century not the middle ages!

So what if it is the 21st century? God's commandments to kill witches are just as valid now as they were in 1611 when God wrote the KJV Bible.

[bridging-the-gap]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

What the heck! witch hunting I swear we are in the 21st century not the middle ages!

October is the High-Season for witch hunting and we have some important guidelines to discuss. Please print a copy of this bulletin to keep in the field.

SCHEDULE OF EVENTS

Oct 1-10 Archery and Muzzleloading combined event. NO LIMIT but you still need to provide genitals for proof of sex.

CONTEST: Fattest Witch, Ugliest Witch, Fattest&Ugliest Witch.

Oct 11-21 Rifle and Handguns, including automatic weapons and hand-thrown explosive devices. NO LIMIT but (if you can find them) please provide genitals for proof of sex.

CONTEST: Same as above.

Oct 22-31 ANYTHING GOES! All weapons and methods, NO LIMIT, NO RULES!

CONTEST: Most Creative Kill, Funniest Kill, Best Kill Photo.

PLEASE POST YOUR QUESTIONS/COMMENTS AND CONTEST ENTRIES ON THIS THREAD.

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

Well it is about that time now isn't it? I'm heading over to Papua New Guinea to start the hunt. My wife is scared that the secular authorities are catching on to the HELLyween disappearances. The local news blames them on some satanic cult which in turn turns more people to Christ. PRAISE!!! Over in Papua there are no restrictions on hunting wickers.. at least such laws aren't enforced. All I have to do is introduce something that will make everybody sick and they'll raise me to hero status for riding them of every witch within a 3 mile radius.

I'm gonna bag me a genuine head shrinker!!!!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

PS for the rest of you, where's the witch kills?

GLORY Mother G. I killed 2 this weekend. Pastor Zeke actually mortally wounded them, but he let me finish them off! He was in a very generous mood this weekend. He helped Tater execute a few too!

Proud, Sister (Eradicator) Thumper