Jesus & the spaghetti guy

[Before The Mast]

So while I was reading the KJV at the Seamans Church Institute here in Newport (http://seamensnewport.org/) (they make a tasty omelet), and there was another text on the bookcase next to the old fireplace. I decided to take a look as my eyes were a bit weary and I thought I could use a break of pace. It was the bible of this spaghetti creature the pirate character here has been speaking on and on about.

It was an amusing read, I couldn't put it down. But now I'm confused. As I read the KJV I began to develop night terrors but they disappeared the same day I read the flying meat ball book. I'm afraid to go back to the Aloha Cafe as I know the book lurks there and I will not be strong enough to not read it again.

Can anyone help?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy

Are you possesed by demons or something?

[Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.]

Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy

Dear Before The Mast,

It was the bible of this spaghetti creature the pirate character here has been speaking on and on about. It was an amusing read, I couldn't put it down. But now I'm confused. As I read the KJV I began to develop night terrors but they disappeared the same day I read the flying meat ball book. I'm afraid to go back to the Aloha Cafe as I know the book lurks there and I will not be strong enough to not read it again.

What you are feeling if you are reading the Holy Bible is the fear of The LORD. The fear of burning for all eternity in the fires of Hell because you are a sinner. It is this fear that will motivate you to stop sinning, repent and choose Jesus Christ our savior to guide your life from now on. This is why the real Holy Bible is a dark and very scary book while the communist flying meat ball book just makes you laugh all the way to Hell. Jesus Christ is the ONLY way to be saved! "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life: no man comes to the Father but by Me." (John 14:6)

Yours in Christ,

Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.

[Before The Mast]

Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy

So I should expect this to be a difficult and strenuous journey as I read the KJV? Nothing in my life has been worth having without hard work, except when I find a good pint of ale at the bar that someone has left in a hurry.

Thank you Paster Manning, I'll try and refrain from such dalliances again and go back to the good book. Perhaps I can find one with larger text.

Why do these texts exist? If The Lord means for me to read his word, why allow such things to lay about? It reminds me of the Chick mini-books found in the heads and laundry areas when at port.

[Before The Mast]

Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy

I had lunch today, they were serving meat loaf, and the book was there again. It has a leather binder and a red ribbon. I didn't read it though, some youngsters that work in one of the yards restoring boats were reading it and yelling "Yarrrr!!" and laughing. One asked me if I was a pirate. I was a little indignate as being labeled as such and she explained that I looked like one but without the eye patch. The waitress had a spare eye patch and put it on me and since I do enjoy her company I put up with it.

So I now have an eye patch and a yearning to go read the book. It's just for fun and young lasses keep sidling up to me in recognition so it's not really that bad, right?

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy

I had lunch today, they were serving meat loaf, and the book was there again. It has a leather binder and a red ribbon. I didn't read it though, some youngsters that work in one of the yards restoring boats were reading it and yelling "Yarrrr!!" and laughing. One asked me if I was a pirate. I was a little indignate as being labeled as such and she explained that I looked like one but without the eye patch. The waitress had a spare eye patch and put it on me and since I do enjoy her company I put up with it.

So I now have an eye patch and a yearning to go read the book. It's just for fun and young lasses keep sidling up to me in recognition so it's not really that bad, right?

You are feeling the call of the TRUTH.

Those night terrors you suffer from are induced by the are your subconscious is trying to get through to you that so much of the tome that the "true christians" love is nothing more then a construct of one group of men to control everyone else.

[Before The Mast]

Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy

Somehow your truth seems all wrong.

Beer? Wenches? Next you'll be saying there is no hell. This is everything that causes corruption in the world. People need to fear consequences else they feel like they can do as they please when ever they please.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy

Somehow your truth seems all wrong.

Beer? Wenches? Next you'll be saying there is no hell. This is everything that causes corruption in the world. People need to fear consequences else they feel like they can do as they please when ever they please.

Read more of the truth that is Pastafaianism, pick up that book again, read The Loose Canon - A Holy Book of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster as you understand more those fellings of dread will subside. With understanding of Our Lord Noodle will come understanding of Life The Universe and Everything.

[Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.]

Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy

Dear retarded Jo Freddie,

Read more of the truth that is Pastafaianism, pick up that book again, read The Loose Canon - A Holy Book of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster as you understand more those fellings of dread will subside. With understanding of Our Lord Noodle will come understanding of Life The Universe and Everything.

So a lot of boys who are too ugly to get girlfriends spend all their free time creating their own satirical version of the Holy Bible? I know religion is nothing but a big joke to you, but those people spending their life on writing "The Loose Canon" make you look like a sane person in comparison. I don't say this often, but those poor boys really need to fill some nice girls with the joy of Jesus, fast. They need real lives instead of spending all there time behind computer screens creating page after page after page of this anti religious dribble. "The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable iniquity: there is none that doeth good." (Psalm 53:1)

Yours in Christ,

Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.

[John Creeser]

Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy

I had lunch today, they were serving meat loaf, and the book was there again. It has a leather binder and a red ribbon. I didn't read it though, some youngsters that work in one of the yards restoring boats were reading it and yelling "Yarrrr!!" and laughing. One asked me if I was a pirate. I was a little indignate as being labeled as such and she explained that I looked like one but without the eye patch. The waitress had a spare eye patch and put it on me and since I do enjoy her company I put up with it.

So I now have an eye patch and a yearning to go read the book. It's just for fun and young lasses keep sidling up to me in recognition so it's not really that bad, right?

Look friend,

You're treading on pretty dangerous ground and would hate to see you go straight to hell. You'd best get your head screwed on straight, burn that damned book if you see it again and ignore Jo Freddy.

Do you have a prayer closet? If not I'll send you some designs I've been working on.

Now, give your head a shake and get back with Jesus!!!

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy

Dear retarded Jo Freddie,

So a lot of boys who are too ugly to get girlfriends spend all their free time creating their own satirical version of the Holy Bible? I know religion is nothing but a big joke to you, but those people spending their life on writing "The Loose Canon" make you look like a sane person in comparison. I don't say this often, but those poor boys really need to fill some nice girls with the joy of Jesus, fast. They need real lives instead of spending all there time behind computer screens creating page after page after page of this anti religious dribble. "The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable iniquity: there is none that doeth good." (Psalm 53:1)

Yours in Christ,

Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.

Ye thin kie that tharrrGod be a Joke? orrr be ye so worrrrrri'd about yerrr powerrr base bein' plunderrrn away as scallywags learrrn th' trrruth?

We will not be deterrrrrr'd by yerrr attempt at mockerrry o' th' TRUE faith.

We derrrn't hate ye Mr Mannin'

4:6 Ultimately, all you can do, and indeed all you should do, is put the word out there, accept any who join you, and love any who hate you.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy

Ye thin kie that tharrrGod be a Joke? orrr be ye so worrrrrri'd about yerrr powerrr base bein' plunderrrn away as scallywags learrrn th' trrruth?

We will not be deterrrrrr'd by yerrr attempt at mockerrry o' th' TRUE faith.

We derrrn't hate ye Mr Mannin'

What is that, Piebonics?

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy

What is that, Piebonics?

Yarr treacherous gull strangling cannibal.

Firstly:
The grand holiday falls on a Sunday this year, and you know what that means: Talk Like a Pirate WEEKEND!

Secondly:
If you are North American and you speak "THE AMERICAN LANGUAGE" you have the Pirates to thank for that.

North American? speak English? Thank a Pirate.

[Lisa H]

Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy

Ye thin kie that tharrrGod be a Joke? orrr be ye so worrrrrri'd about yerrr powerrr base bein' plunderrrn away as scallywags learrrn th' trrruth?

We will not be deterrrrrr'd by yerrr attempt at mockerrry o' th' TRUE faith.

We derrrn't hate ye Mr Mannin'

Do you want fries with that?

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy

Do you want fries with that?

No Yarr half perished one eyed lubber.