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I have some ideas for some True Christian video games. What do you think?
(Note: These game ideas are copyrighted by me. I freely donate them to the general welfare of the church, of course! But if any substantial income is made, the mission in Prague is in severe difficulty and needs some funding and I’d hope some profits would be funneled over here.)
General Rebuke. You assume the role of General Rebuke a True Christian ™ Soldier. First choose your rebuking tool. Choices include the popular Louisville repenter aluminum model, the on your knees and pray 2x4, the Fear of God stun gun, or the Lord is My Shepard Cattle Prod. These tools are for the lower levels. When you get into the mass rebuking level there are many different tools. My personal favorite is Glendora’s Pride, a fully auto 12 gauge with a 50 slug chamber.
To play you make your way through the made up town of Warm and Fuzzy Feeling Valley. You start rebuking immediately. (be careful of blisters on your rebuking thumb.)The targets are everywhere. The winner is the one who rebukes the most sinners. A great game for the family to play together. The males can show the young’uns a few pointers along the way, while reliving past real life rebuking glories. A real sharing experience.
Thou Shalt Not Suffer: A game of pursuit, capture, conversion, confession, and bon-fires. A newsflash comes into church headquarters: A group of wiccadians are gathering in the forest for the purpose of eating True Christian™ babies and cat torturing. It’s your job to get them first. Round up the boys and get going! First choose your chainsaw and start in on the forest. You’ve learned your lesson. A forest left standing is a potential meeting place. As night falls put away the saws and get out the nets and bear traps. Set your traps wisely along the paths used by these witches. Then bust up the meeting
and watch ‘em run! Gather up your collected witches and haul ‘em back to the basement and the Last Chance Conversion Facility.
Choose your tools carefully! You want confessions and conversions for maximum points. A lost soul costs you points! After the rigors of conversion comes the celebrations. Gather those fallen trees and prepare your bonfires. Bonus points for the tallest pile! The unconverted meet God in this phase.
Book Burning: Yee Haw! Time to go. The new list of banned books has just been handed down from the Department of Faith. Gather up the menfolk and head down into Liebralville. First stop the Liebrary. Gather up the books on the list. (Note: Minus points for books not yet banned. Patience, my friend.) Now the race is on. For the quick and easy big points the race is on to the bookshops. But, the game gets interesting in the house-to-house phase. Pick a partner and stomp down doors. Those Liebrals can be mighty sneaky, so look everywhere in those houses. Bonus points for well-hidden books.
Then it’s the final phase. Pile the books up in the park. Who got the most? First editions score a 5X bonus! Light that fire! The winners fire erupts in a blaze of glory with Godly fireworks!
Compound: Based on those civilization games. Pick you location carefully. The mountaintop or the forest, or anyone of several locations. Then recruit your members. Watch your compound grow, Choose your fortifications and defensive weapons. You never know when the demoncrats might return to power. Watch out for FBI agents trying to infliterate your compound. Local sheriffs, state police and IRS agents abound in this dangerous virtual world. Be on your toes! Can your compound survive until Rapture™?
(Note: These game ideas are copyrighted by me. I freely donate them to the general welfare of the church, of course! But if any substantial income is made, the mission in Prague is in severe difficulty and needs some funding and I’d hope some profits would be funneled over here.)
General Rebuke. You assume the role of General Rebuke a True Christian ™ Soldier. First choose your rebuking tool. Choices include the popular Louisville repenter aluminum model, the on your knees and pray 2x4, the Fear of God stun gun, or the Lord is My Shepard Cattle Prod. These tools are for the lower levels. When you get into the mass rebuking level there are many different tools. My personal favorite is Glendora’s Pride, a fully auto 12 gauge with a 50 slug chamber.
To play you make your way through the made up town of Warm and Fuzzy Feeling Valley. You start rebuking immediately. (be careful of blisters on your rebuking thumb.)The targets are everywhere. The winner is the one who rebukes the most sinners. A great game for the family to play together. The males can show the young’uns a few pointers along the way, while reliving past real life rebuking glories. A real sharing experience.
Thou Shalt Not Suffer: A game of pursuit, capture, conversion, confession, and bon-fires. A newsflash comes into church headquarters: A group of wiccadians are gathering in the forest for the purpose of eating True Christian™ babies and cat torturing. It’s your job to get them first. Round up the boys and get going! First choose your chainsaw and start in on the forest. You’ve learned your lesson. A forest left standing is a potential meeting place. As night falls put away the saws and get out the nets and bear traps. Set your traps wisely along the paths used by these witches. Then bust up the meeting
and watch ‘em run! Gather up your collected witches and haul ‘em back to the basement and the Last Chance Conversion Facility.
Choose your tools carefully! You want confessions and conversions for maximum points. A lost soul costs you points! After the rigors of conversion comes the celebrations. Gather those fallen trees and prepare your bonfires. Bonus points for the tallest pile! The unconverted meet God in this phase.
Book Burning: Yee Haw! Time to go. The new list of banned books has just been handed down from the Department of Faith. Gather up the menfolk and head down into Liebralville. First stop the Liebrary. Gather up the books on the list. (Note: Minus points for books not yet banned. Patience, my friend.) Now the race is on. For the quick and easy big points the race is on to the bookshops. But, the game gets interesting in the house-to-house phase. Pick a partner and stomp down doors. Those Liebrals can be mighty sneaky, so look everywhere in those houses. Bonus points for well-hidden books.
Then it’s the final phase. Pile the books up in the park. Who got the most? First editions score a 5X bonus! Light that fire! The winners fire erupts in a blaze of glory with Godly fireworks!
Compound: Based on those civilization games. Pick you location carefully. The mountaintop or the forest, or anyone of several locations. Then recruit your members. Watch your compound grow, Choose your fortifications and defensive weapons. You never know when the demoncrats might return to power. Watch out for FBI agents trying to infliterate your compound. Local sheriffs, state police and IRS agents abound in this dangerous virtual world. Be on your toes! Can your compound survive until Rapture™?
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