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Default FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 06-02-2011, 09:43 PM

I am proud to say the Godly influence I had on the Freehold Police Department while I was a cop there has lasted.

I received word from a friend high-up in the department that the FPD will be enforcing the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance this summer on all pools within city limits.

For those who don't know, the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance prohibits Freehold swimming pools from hiring or otherwise employing "any official to protect, rescue, or resuscitate any patron of any aquatic recreation facility within city limits."

The intention of the ordinance is to recognize God as our one, true protector and keeper. If an 11 year old dives in the no diving area and smashes his head against the concrete floor and floats around unconscious under the water, it is God's will.

Before any of you get upset, yes, we do have Biblical justification for this law:

The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. - Psalm 18:2

Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. - Matthew 10:29

Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast. - Psalms 57:1

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.- Proverbs 3:5
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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 06-02-2011, 09:46 PM

I am so glad Jesus guards us at the swimming pool!

My father says those 27 children that drowned last month in the Freehold swimming pool just didn't love Jesus enough.


I Jesus!
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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 06-02-2011, 09:49 PM

It's high time this law went into effect. Even in a God Fearing, REAL American community we have MOOCHERS looking for socialist handouts! About time child started learning how to swim FOR THEMSELVES and stop being lazy and float unconscious at the bottom of the pool!!!

If means a few never do wells end up dead because they can't be bothered to breath for themselves, so BE IT! America is about FREEDOM and that means the FREEDOM to drown!

PS George Washington never had a life guard.



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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 06-03-2011, 12:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
It's high time this law went into effect. Even in a God Fearing, REAL American community we have MOOCHERS looking for socialist handouts! About time child started learning how to swim FOR THEMSELVES and stop being lazy and float unconscious at the bottom of the pool!!!

If means a few never do wells end up dead because they can't be bothered to breath for themselves, so BE IT! America is about FREEDOM and that means the FREEDOM to drown!

PS George Washington never had a life guard.
Bobby-Joe---I'm so delighted to be a part of this No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus enforcement by the Freehold Police Department.

I must confess that one of the reasons the program has been delayed was my own indecision.

I could not get out of my head the political problems that might arise if, for example, a Mother rented the Freehold Swimming Pool for a child's birthday party and everyone watched the life guard being taken away in handcuffs.

What I should have done is to simply follow the scriptures. That's what we do in Freehold. God Bless us all.

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 06-03-2011, 01:09 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
...What I should have done is to simply follow the scriptures. That's what we do in Freehold. God Bless us all...
I expect you'll also be removing and outlawing:

- all seatbelts, air bags, and turn signals from cars, trucks, and other vehicles
- all helmets, gloves, visors, or other "safety" related items from construction sites, fire crews, police officers, etc.
- all safeties from firearms
- all chain brakes from chainsaws
- all guardrails and railings from rooftops and stairwells
- all speed limits
- all user's manuals and training courses for power tools and high voltage equipment
- all childproof caps from toxic chemicals, prescription medicines, etc., etc.

Please let me know when you're "following the Scriptures" fully.



"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." George Orwell
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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 06-03-2011, 02:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
I expect you'll also be removing and outlawing:

- all seatbelts, air bags, and turn signals from cars, trucks, and other vehicles
- all helmets, gloves, visors, or other "safety" related items from construction sites, fire crews, police officers, etc.
- all safeties from firearms
- all chain brakes from chainsaws
- all guardrails and railings from rooftops and stairwells
- all speed limits
- all user's manuals and training courses for power tools and high voltage equipment
- all childproof caps from toxic chemicals, prescription medicines, etc., etc.

Please let me know when you're "following the Scriptures" fully.
Much--It's obvious you do not know much about Christian governing.

To deal with scripture in local government, we must have (a.) a scriptural reference and (b.) someone committing a sin that we can observe and pass judgement on.

The No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus program was developed with these matters taken into consideration. We have the scripture and someone committing a sin (the lifeguard).

While I enjoy hearing from citizens, and respect your views, I hope you can understand this is something for professionals to handle.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 06-03-2011, 04:45 AM

Part of this initiative's purpose is to eliminate the potential for temptation.

Not only do life guards strut and posture, glistening in the sunlight on a pedestal for all to see like a golden calf, they also make it their profession to place their mouths on the mouths of people whom they aren't married to, and blow deep, erotic breaths into their lungs.

Jesus never did CPR, and I don't think we should either.
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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 06-03-2011, 04:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ofc. Don W. Richards View Post
Part of this initiative's purpose is to eliminate the potential for temptation.

Not only do life guards strut and posture, glistening in the sunlight on a pedestal for all to see like a golden calf, they also make it their profession to place their mouths on the mouths of people whom they aren't married to, and blow deep, erotic breaths into their lungs.

Jesus never did CPR, and I don't think we should either.
Here! Here!

This is Freehold, not Southern California. We don't need our children faking drowning just to get some oiled up muscle men in speedos to suck face on them in public! Lifeguards are just socialism for the gay lifestyle, nothing more.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 01-02-2012, 12:54 PM

So if your own child was drowning, you wouldn't save him/her?


I guess it's their own fault being lazy huh, being unconscious n'all at the bottom of the pool.

How's the lifeguard commiting a sin?

He saves lives, what do you want him to wear? a suit and tie?

In fact, you should change legislation in your town so you either have separate swimming pools for men and women or the women have to wear full clothing when they swim.

In fact, they shouldn't really have time to go swimming, I'm sure there's housework that wont do itself at home.


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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 01-02-2012, 02:05 PM

Ive been thinking about this & wouldnt jesus be no good at this as he has got holes in his hands & feet.
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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 01-02-2012, 02:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by el hierro View Post
Ive been thinking about this & wouldnt jesus be no good at this as he has got holes in his hands & feet.

This is a serious site. It's not here for people to practice their stand-up comedy routines.


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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 01-02-2012, 04:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by el hierro View Post
Ive been thinking about this & wouldnt jesus be no good at this as he has got holes in his hands & feet.
Why don't you go for a walk on some water, and then when you get back from doing that, you can start throwing aspersions on Jesus' ability to get across large bodies of water safely. Those who drown in glass swimming pools shouldn't throw water.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 01-02-2012, 08:04 PM

yes good point.
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Angry Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 01-02-2012, 08:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by el hierro View Post
Ive been thinking about this & wouldnt jesus be no good at this as he has got holes in his hands & feet.
Idiot.
Jesus can walk on water/. You really need to read the Bible instead of rolling blunts with the pages.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 01-02-2012, 08:24 PM

Does rolling blunts mean beating up poofs with a newspaper?
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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 01-02-2012, 08:26 PM

We have a comedian among us, gentlemen.



Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 01-02-2012, 09:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by el hierro View Post
Ive been thinking about this & wouldnt jesus be no good at this as he has got holes in his hands & feet.
Jesus would be the best lifeguard EVER!!

Matthew 14:25 And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea. 26And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.
27But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.
28And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
29And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
30But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
31And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?



Glory!


Jack


Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.



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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 01-02-2012, 10:19 PM

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Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Here! Here!

This is Freehold, not Southern California. We don't need our children faking drowning just to get some oiled up muscle men in speedos to suck face on them in public! Lifeguards are just socialism for the gay lifestyle, nothing more.
Amen Bobby-Joe! I might remind our Christian Brothers and Sisters here that there was that old TV show "Baywatch" that featured slow motion scenes of scantily clad "Lifeguards" running on the beach with their "Big Cleavage" enticing over 1 billion viewers to commit the sin of Onanism. And where were the LIEbral's concern for the environment – not even the EPA was at all concerned about cleaning up that mess.

Lifeguards are nothing more than a "make work" government program that dates back to the socialist Roosevelt administration and is a drain on the economy. Lifeguards for the most part sit around idle waiting for something to happen and collect a pay check. All it does is create a dependency class so that Obama can rely on the "lifeguard vote" in the next election. Those efforts could be put to more productive use in the economy.


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Default Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance - 01-03-2012, 03:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan View Post
Amen Bobby-Joe! I might remind our Christian Brothers and Sisters here that there was that old TV show "Baywatch" that featured slow motion scenes of scantily clad "Lifeguards" running on the beach with their "Big Cleavage" enticing over 1 billion viewers to commit the sin of Onanism. And where were the LIEbral's concern for the environment – not even the EPA was at all concerned about cleaning up that mess.

Lifeguards are nothing more than a "make work" government program that dates back to the socialist Roosevelt administration and is a drain on the economy. Lifeguards for the most part sit around idle waiting for something to happen and collect a pay check. All it does is create a dependency class so that Obama can rely on the "lifeguard vote" in the next election. Those efforts could be put to more productive use in the economy.
Exactly brother! Leave it to the liberals to pay people to do nothing. When Jesus reclaims America and ends the Obama Tribulation Presidency (worse than Carter) Jesus is going to apply the free market to lifegaurding; Lifegards will be paid by every person they save. None of this lazing about on the beach. They will be out there making sure people are drowning.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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