Faking Demon Possession

[Pastor Ezekiel]

I am madder than a chink in a spoon factory about the prank Jimmy-Roy's boy Tommy played on me at Baptism on Wednesday night.

Here I am, practically donating my time to Baptize a group of white trash tin tithers from South Freehold, and this half-wit kid Tommy walks up wanting to be Baptized. So I say the words, he gets in the Baptismal Pool, and no sooner did I dunk him down in the pool, when he starts flopping and splashing around, making all manner of ungodly sounds, and foam pouring out from his wet body! I began hurling Prayers at him to expel satan from the boy's body! I pulled out all the stops! I did one-on-one battle with Lucifer himself!




....I found out today that the boy had filled his pockets with Alka-Seltzer tablets.


Jimmy-Roy, I hold you responsible for this! It's Blasphemy! Jesus is furious!

[Holly Graham]

Re: Faking Demon Possession

I am madder than a chink in a spoon factory about the prank Jimmy-Roy's boy Tommy played on me at Baptism on Wednesday night.

Here I am, practically donating my time to Baptize a group of white trash tin tithers from South Freehold, and this half-wit kid Tommy walks up wanting to be Baptized. So I say the words, he gets in the Baptismal Pool, and no sooner did I dunk him down in the pool, when he starts flopping and splashing around, making all manner of ungodly sounds, and foam pouring out from his wet body! I began hurling Prayers at him to expel satan from the boy's body! I pulled out all the stops! I did one-on-one battle with Lucifer himself!




....I found out today that the boy had filled his pockets with Alka-Seltzer tablets.


Jimmy-Roy, I hold you responsible for this! It's Blasphemy! Jesus is furious!

I'll have you know that Mr. Holly has spent the last 2 hours beating the living Word into our 18 children, after they couldn't stop laughing in church last night!

Do you have any idea how hard it is to chase and zip tie 5 boys writhing on the floor laughing hysterically, 5 more imitating Pastor Zeke "freaking out," 5 more imitating Tommy, by swallowing dish soap to make their mouths foam, and three girls furious that they had to clean up the mess (and made to clean the entire house since they were complaining)?

I think Mr. Holly wore out 5 rods, trying to get them all to be quiet, and now Mr. Holly said that I and my swollen pregnant belly have to spend the next 4 hours on my knees in prayer for raising such heathens.

[Deaner]

Re: Faking Demon Possession

Dear Holly;

Tell your husband to fuck off. Pastor Zeke and myself can make much more use of you on your knees for four hours.

YIC

Deaner

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Faking Demon Possession

Dear Holly;

Tell your husband to fuck off. Pastor Zeke and myself can make much more use of you on your knees for four hours.

YIC

Deaner

Are you high?

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Faking Demon Possession

I'm beyond angry that anyone would simply fake demon possession for their own purposes and mislead anyone LET ALONE A PASTOR OF THE LORD!

When you see the glory of a true exorcism of a demon for yourself anyone faking it just to hoodwink the gullible for their own twisted purposes shines out. Alka Seltzer? I'm truly appalled and I hope that boy's backside is red raw.

You just can't fake the real deal.

[Deaner]

Re: Faking Demon Possession

Are you high?

Yes. On the love you provide thru Christ.

[Jimmy-Roy Stewart]

Re: Faking Demon Possession

Hi their Pastoer Ezekal Sir when I found out i used the belt on tommy for the longest time that boy aint' never been right in the head i dont' know why it couldnt' of been nothing i did but ill' make it up to you whatever you want me to do ill' do it.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Faking Demon Possession

I knew that boy was trouble from the day he dove in your old baptismal pool, you know, the one you had the image of you performing the baptism done in tile on the bottom? If memory serves, the boy cracked a whole lot of irreplaceable tiles and you had to use another pool on the other end of your property.