Tweet
Mrs Bathfire decided to make some cottage cheese: I wouldn't touch the stuff myself it is all gooey and clings around my mouth, so I went off to the my car to fit a golden "Jesus-Fishes" to each side and the front and rear.
I'm not trying to be "holier-than-thou", more I am wanting to proclaim my faith and flush out the persecutors, and, believe me, there are enough of them
When I had finished, I stood back to admire the skill that the Lord had given me, and wondered if the same company did a small cross to go beneath or at the side of each of them.
I decided to look at the internet on my cellphone for an answer. Anyway, it must have been Jesus moving my fingers, because I came across a dictionary entry: Tyromancy: Divining by the coagulation of cheese.
My first thought was, "This is forbidden by God! Why is there a word for it?" Then I answered my own question, "Because there needs to be an accurate charge brought before the Court of The Almighty on Judgment Day."
I prodded at the phone a little longer but I was getting nowhere, so I went back to use my real computer and as I passed the kitchen and distinctly heard Mrs Bathfire saying "Where's Ezekiel?! Where can he have gotten to? The man's been gone an hour!" and all the time there was the cottage cheese in a bowl in front of her!
Well, I think you are ahead of me here! Yes! I marched straight in, tipped the Cheese of Evil down the sink and smacked Mrs Bathfire across the head and uttered the single word "Tyromancy!" and continued on towards my computer in the prayer closet.
Mrs Bathfire has never taken rebuke well and I was struck from the rear by various kitchen implements but I ignored it.
However, it turns out that a group of Mrs B's friends were coming round this evening and the cottage cheese was to be shared out among them (A sort of "Feeding of the 5,000 in reverse if the quantity of cheese were to be believed.) I shouted from inside my prayer closet that none of them would have wanted to eat cheese possessed by Satan but this logic evaded Mrs B.
She left a note saying that I was to explain to anyone of her friends who arrived why there was no food and why she had gone to her sister's for a week.
However, I am still worried about that cheese... have I flushed it sufficiently from the house?
On the up-side I've found the crosses and they are the same color and finish as the Jesus-Fishes.
I'm not trying to be "holier-than-thou", more I am wanting to proclaim my faith and flush out the persecutors, and, believe me, there are enough of them
When I had finished, I stood back to admire the skill that the Lord had given me, and wondered if the same company did a small cross to go beneath or at the side of each of them.
I decided to look at the internet on my cellphone for an answer. Anyway, it must have been Jesus moving my fingers, because I came across a dictionary entry: Tyromancy: Divining by the coagulation of cheese.
My first thought was, "This is forbidden by God! Why is there a word for it?" Then I answered my own question, "Because there needs to be an accurate charge brought before the Court of The Almighty on Judgment Day."
I prodded at the phone a little longer but I was getting nowhere, so I went back to use my real computer and as I passed the kitchen and distinctly heard Mrs Bathfire saying "Where's Ezekiel?! Where can he have gotten to? The man's been gone an hour!" and all the time there was the cottage cheese in a bowl in front of her!
Well, I think you are ahead of me here! Yes! I marched straight in, tipped the Cheese of Evil down the sink and smacked Mrs Bathfire across the head and uttered the single word "Tyromancy!" and continued on towards my computer in the prayer closet.
Mrs Bathfire has never taken rebuke well and I was struck from the rear by various kitchen implements but I ignored it.
However, it turns out that a group of Mrs B's friends were coming round this evening and the cottage cheese was to be shared out among them (A sort of "Feeding of the 5,000 in reverse if the quantity of cheese were to be believed.) I shouted from inside my prayer closet that none of them would have wanted to eat cheese possessed by Satan but this logic evaded Mrs B.
She left a note saying that I was to explain to anyone of her friends who arrived why there was no food and why she had gone to her sister's for a week.
However, I am still worried about that cheese... have I flushed it sufficiently from the house?
On the up-side I've found the crosses and they are the same color and finish as the Jesus-Fishes.
Comment