[Cranky Old Man]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

I never trusted airplanes. If God wanted us to fly, we would have wings. Would an ocean steamer not give our Godly Pastor the room he needs for essentials like his staff, a swimming pool, a chapel, a 1000 seat amphitheater, a television studio and a golf course? There would be no need to waste space on lifeboats as Jesus Himself would protect our Pastor against harm.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

I think your concern here is that he may be confined to one of those miniscule toilets that we mere mortals find on commercial aircraft in cattle class. I am sure that Pastor Ezekiel will have a spacious toilet - one that he can turn around in. One that he could hold a party in, if he so desired, which he wouldn't. One with a full length mirror so he can be certain his clothing is correctly adjusted before leaving. One that has a heated seat and automatic flush and deodoriser. I think a gold-plated receptacle would be appropriate.

Of course, brother, but without visual evidence I am going to be most stressed every time I imagine our dear, sweet pastor relieving himself boldly over California. The fear that he might have to stop in such a disease ridden location to make space for his fragrant droppings is unbearable to me.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

The Airbus A380 is the world largest airliner at over 5,000 square feet inside.

This means the sides of the aircraft are advertising bonanzas. We can put a message on Zeke's plane that can be read from miles away--a message that could save souls.

The Committee for Zeke's aircraft is undecided on what message to have painted on its side. There is room for a picture of Jesus, a picture of Zeke or both. There could be a message for Satan.

The Committee is taking suggestions for this, Landover Baptist's flying billboard.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

If that's valuable advertising real estate, why don't we rent it out to a third party? The ad revenues might help us come a little closer to balancing our budget.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

If that's valuable advertising real estate, why don't we rent it out to a third party? The ad revenues might help us come a little closer to balancing our budget.

There is no need to balance any budget. It's balanced.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Brethren,

We have now been told that the Airbus A380 would be a tolerable choice for the good Pastor Ezekiel. As far as I've been able to decipher this conversation, the general consensus seems to be to fit it with the viewing deck of the Avro Business Jet Explorer.

The image is here only to give our interior designers (Brother Farmer seems to know what he's doing) some ideas on the available space.


This is quite adequate if we consider regular airports such as Moscow, Riyadh, Paris, Rio de Janeiro etc. There are lots of Orthodox, Saracen, heathen and Cathlick souls to be won over there and these cities can provide an audience of tens of thousands by the airfields. This is all good.

But...

Matthew 28:19
Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:

...Pastor Zeke should be able to reach also the remotest tribes on earth. Are there glide paths long and smooth enough to accommodate this magnificent but sizable tool of pastor Zeke to spread the Gospel? He must also be able to land on Bali (Hindoos), Aruba (Dutch), Dubai (sponsorship) and the Amboseli hunting park (recreation).

For this, a smaller plane is necessary and I return to my original suggestion, the Avro Business Jet Explorer. It can land almost anywhere.



One plane is not enough. A decent Church needs a fleet. These two would be a nice start.

There are 153,000 thousand human deaths on Earth every day. I surmise that only a couple of these are True Christians™ that get into Heaven. Since I started typing this post, more than 200 souls have been cast into Hell (please look at the calculator in the link, it is Joo manufacture and thus reliable when it comes to ciphering). Quite a few of these could have been saved had there been proper transportation for our Pastor.

Matthew 28:20
Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

It will disturb my heart and soul if the subject of money arises again as we're talking about much more important issues here.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Jim Farmer]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Brother Elmer, It's a shame that the Avro Business Jet Explorer won't fit inside the A380 - it just misses out. Otherwise they could fly together.

I would see the upper level of the Airbus being Pastor Zeke's personal domain, so he would need to be involved in the design of that. Spaces required there would be a bedroom with ensuite bathroom, spa bath and sauna and walk-in robe. A private lounge room. A private dining room. A library. A gymasium. And the viewing platform.

I have been checking existing floor plans for the A380, for inspiration without much luck. This one provide 4 bedrooms and airline seating for 31 on the upper level But no gymnasium, library, chapel, dining room, cinema or sauna.


Downstairs would be for Pastor Zeke's entourage and the design above could suffice with a few tweaks. It has seating, sleeping pods, a dining/meeting area, lounge and kitchen and a small area for Captain Portway and other staff.

Another design for the upper level:



This is better, but includes 3 unnecessary bedrooms, which could be replaced with chapel, gymnasium and library. The dining room could be split lengthwise to accommodate the viewing platform.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Maybe there could be a limited number of suites on the lower level for the selected few.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Brother Farmer,

Obviously we'll have to wait what our Pastor thinks of this but I find your designs most uplifting. If possible, you could perhaps also consider the question of materials. I consulted the Bible, as we should. The recommendations are as follows:

2 Chronicles 9:21
For the king's ships went to Tarshish with the servants of Huram: every three years once came the ships of Tarshish bringing gold, and silver, ivory, and apes, and peacocks.

Amos 6:4
That lie upon beds of ivory, and stretch themselves upon their couches, and eat the lambs out of the flock, and the calves out of the midst of the stall;

Revelation 18:12
The merchandise of gold, and silver, and precious stones, and of pearls, and fine linen, and purple, and silk, and scarlet, and all thyine wood, and all manner vessels of ivory, and all manner vessels of most precious wood, and of brass, and iron, and marble.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Marko Loimaan-Aho]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Ivory is great material and shooting those animals must be a real fun!

Actually - have you planned to make a weapon room?



You must also have opportunities to relax, after hard GOD's work!!!

[Des]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

I'll be damned if I'm going to let our beloved Pastor be one-upped by a Darkie mumbo-jumbo mumbler! To borrow from the Jive terminology, God gotta represent, Word!


I have $17 million in my bug-out bag that I'm dropping off this evening. Then I'm dusting off the old Revival tent and hitting the road this spring. I'm not going to stop pushing the Faith until we have the money to get our Pastor a plane worthy of a True Representative of the One True God. Glory!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

I'll be damned if I'm going to let our beloved Pastor be one-upped by a Darkie mumbo-jumbo mumbler! To borrow from the Jive terminology, God gotta represent, Word!

I have $17 million in my bug-out bag that I'm dropping off this evening. Then I'm dusting off the old Revival tent and hitting the road this spring. I'm not going to stop pushing the Faith until we have the money to get our Pastor a plane worthy of a True Representative of the One True God. Glory!

God bless you, Brother Des. Money is coming is as well as great ideas for how the aircraft will be equipped. I'm praying the Pastor Zeke will like what we are doing.

When you think about it, this aircraft could change the world. Pastor Zeke will be able to tell more people about Jesus Christ. This will frustrate Muslim efforts to convert the world.

Let's all pledge our money and efforts to see that this aircraft is ready for the Pastor ASAP.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Brother Farmer,

Obviously we'll have to wait what our Pastor thinks of this but I find your designs most uplifting. If possible, you could perhaps also consider the question of materials. I consulted the Bible, as we should. The recommendations are as follows:

2 Chronicles 9:21
For the king's ships went to Tarshish with the servants of Huram: every three years once came the ships of Tarshish bringing gold, and silver, ivory, and apes, and peacocks.

Amos 6:4
That lie upon beds of ivory, and stretch themselves upon their couches, and eat the lambs out of the flock, and the calves out of the midst of the stall;

Revelation 18:12
The merchandise of gold, and silver, and precious stones, and of pearls, and fine linen, and purple, and silk, and scarlet, and all thyine wood, and all manner vessels of ivory, and all manner vessels of most precious wood, and of brass, and iron, and marble.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

No plastic will be permitted in the upper level (Pastor Zeke's quarters).

I would like all timbers to be rare and critically endangered, such as mun ebony, brownheart and malau to demonstrate how our pastor deserves only the rarest and best.
Ivory is also a wonderful material and demonstrates Christianity's domination over the lowly beasts.

Gold and diamond, rubies and sapphires, emeralds and pearls should be conspicuous throughout, both on the interior and exterior of the plane. This will show those nigro false preachers who is actually important. But the lower parts of the plane exterior should be devoid of gold and jewels, otherwise Creflo's thieving pie-stealing lackeys will be coming ahunting.

Fabrics - the finest silks, satins and velvets only for our Pastor Zeke. These days, linen can be a little harsh on the skin, don't you think?

And I think Brother Marko's idea for an armoury is excellent.

[Roland]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Ivory is great material and shooting those animals must be a real fun!

Actually - have you planned to make a weapon room?
[...]

You must also have opportunities to relax, after hard GOD's work!!!

This is certainly a must-have! Perhaps we can add yet another feature: Gun turrets!

Just imagine: Gliding gracefully over the wild African lands in your A380 and decimating those herds of Impala or whatever they have running around there having some nice target shooting.

[its_faith]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

It lifts my heart to see church funds go to something worthwhile then something utterly useless like helping the poor.