Introducing The RaptureSuit®

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Brethren and Sistren,

Do you ever worry about bodily harm while hurtling through the sky towards Heaven during the Rapture? I know I sure do. You never know what might hit you... flying Bibles, flying shoes, cell phones, etc.

That is why I have invented the RaptureSuit® to help protect you while you are a projectile on your way to meet !

They are not yet in production so please feel free to share your suggestions before placing your order.

I am presently trying to devise a way for these suits to be worn under your clothes. They could have a pull string which immediately inflates your RaptureSuit once you realize The Rapture has begun and you are actually ascending to HEAVEN! GLORY!

[VictoryOS]

Re: Introducing The RaptureSuit®

Will these be available in full figure sizes?

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Introducing The RaptureSuit®

Will these be available in full figure sizes?

Of course, Sister! At excellent prices.

[VictoryOS]

Re: Introducing The RaptureSuit®

Ok, put me down for two. When my Husband gets home I'll ask him what colors we want.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Introducing The RaptureSuit®

They are really well done, Miss Johnson! And such a lovely range of hues (glad to see there's no purple or lavender available) in the lower selection.

Just one question, how body mass index affect buoyancy in the air? There are a lot of those quadcopter things whizzing around these days and although there'd be plenty of room inside yours perhaps some of His bigger boned flock would almost fill the suit even when inflated? Would they be less agile in the air?

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Introducing The RaptureSuit®

Those are fetching suits, Sister. I always thought I'd hurtle torst Heaven in some kind of white robe or possibly my birthday suit. This new technology is welcome news. I'd like six in mixed colors.

[Regens Kuechl]

Re: Introducing The RaptureSuit®

But I thought according to your popular american form of Rapture belief all true Christians will "fall out of their clothes" before bodily and naked descending to Heaven.

So what use would a Rapture suit have for safety while descending when Christians would fall out of them bevor floating toward eternal happiness with our Lord?

Sometimes I feel myself forced to think that Non-Catholic Christians Do not think theological matters through and that is the very reason they are Non-Catholic.

No offense meant of course, but this Rapture suit of your is an even more silly Idea than inventing asbestos diapers for Non-Baptized dieing babyes so that they suffer less from eternal Hellfire.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Introducing The RaptureSuit®

But I thought according to your popular American form of Rapture belief all true Christians will "fall out of their clothes" before bodily and naked descending to Heaven.

Thanks for your opinion. If you could just see your way clear to mailing it to someone who gives a shit, that'd be peachy. Okay?

[Back against wall]

Re: Introducing The RaptureSuit®

when Christians would fall out of them before floating toward eternal happiness with our Lord?
**** Crap *** **** Crap *** **** Crap *** **** boring Crap ***
Also - > dying babies

I enjoyed that^ Thanks for the inspiration Brother Ezekiel.

If I was going to fall out of something before floating towards eternal happiness I would hope it will be one of those suites.

OK? Thanks

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Introducing The RaptureSuit®

But I thought according to your popular american form of Rapture belief all true Christians will "fall out of their clothes" before bodily and naked descending to Heaven.

So what use would a Rapture suit have for safety while descending when Christians would fall out of them bevor floating toward eternal happiness with our Lord?

Sometimes I feel myself forced to think that Non-Catholic Christians Do not think theological matters through and that is the very reason they are Non-Catholic.

No offense meant of course, but this Rapture suit of your is an even more silly Idea than inventing asbestos diapers for Non-Baptized dieing babyes so that they suffer less from eternal Hellfire.

Don't be ridiculous! Living in Austria with all those kangaroos and pandas must have made you half retarded. would never want to see any of us naked and floating through the air. Any woman would be offended and horrified seeing men's dangling bits whipping around in the air. It would be a sin! would never cause us to sin!

[Regens Kuechl]

Re: Introducing The RaptureSuit®

Don't be ridiculous! Living in Austria with all those kangaroos and pandas must have made you half retarded. would never want to see any of us naked and floating through the air. Any woman would be offended and horrified seeing men's dangling bits whipping around in the air. It would be a sin! would never cause us to sin!

But God created Adam and Eve naked, didnt he? And Christian women, if offended, can always close their eyes during descending to heaven.
Finally I know that Jack Chick whom I know you believe is showing that raptured people fall out of their clothes at least in one tract I read.
(For I stumbled upon the site with his online tracts while searching for certain stimulating Websites befitting a Catholic Priest.)

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Introducing The RaptureSuit®

And Christian women, if offended, can always close their eyes during descending to heaven.

We True Christian(tm) ladies have no plans to descend to anywhere, thank you very much. We leave that to you and your kind.

[Back against wall]

Re: Introducing The RaptureSuit®

Finally I know that Jack Chick whom I know you believe is showing that raptured people fall out of their clothes at least in one tract I read.

Awww he's trying to communicate, look everyone he's trying to communicate.

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: Introducing The RaptureSuit®

You white people can be very funny sometimes. There is no rapture because heaven and hell are here on Earth. A man makes his own heaven or hell.

Those are fat Americans in Babylon and they are about to eat some pizzas so they are wearing loose clothes.

[Des]

Re: Introducing The RaptureSuit®

Those are fat Americans in Babylon and they are about to eat some pizzas so they are wearing loose clothes.

Are you sure they weren't trying to attract one of your kind?


After all, it is a well known fact that Negro women are the fattest in the world. No doubt a side effect of the inherent laziness of your race.