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In the US, your data privacy is taken seriously. It is largely accepted that citizens do not want their personal lives and details spread about or used unscrupulously. This has led to a situation in which Landover Baptist Church has found itself in conflict with legislation. This situation has occurred because Landover is really the only Church that “knows God’s Mind – and that is because Landover Baptist Church speaks directly to God.
The following legislation is applicable:
The Federal Trade Commission Act (15 U.S.C. §§41-58) (FTC Act) prohibits unfair or deceptive practices and has been applied to offline and online privacy and data security policies and the unauthorised disclosure of personal data.
The Financial Services Modernization Act (Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act (GL
) (15 U.S.C. §§6801-6827) regulates the collection, use and disclosure of financial information.
The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act(HIPAA) (42 U.S.C. §1301 et seq.) regulates medical information.
The Fair Credit Reporting Act (15 U.S.C. §1681) applies to those who use and/or provide consumer reports
The Controlling the Assault of Non-Solicited Pornography and Marketing Act (CAN-SPAM Act) (15 U.S.C. §§7701-7713 and 18 U.S.C. §1037) and the Telephone Consumer Protection Act (47 U.S.C. §227 et seq.) regulate the collection and use of e-mail addresses and telephone numbers, respectively.
The Electronic Communications Privacy Act (18 U.S.C. §2510)and the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act (18 U.S.C. §1030) regulate the interception of electronic communications and computer tampering, respectively. A class action complaint filed in late 2008 alleged that internet service providers (ISPs) and a targeted advertising company violated these statutes by intercepting data sent between individuals' computers and ISP servers.
The 2016 Judicial Redress Act, giving citizens of certain ally nations (notably, EU member states) the right to seek redress in US courts for privacy violations when their personal information is shared with law enforcement agencies.
The Theological Problem
The theological problem here is in the last piece of legislation as it emerged that God faces a record fine $22 million or 4% of turnover for failing to comply with the regulations and, with turnover in His case being the income of the entire universe, which is near as damn it infinite, then a fine of four percent of infinity is infinity.
Because God knows everything that everyone has ever done,said or thought, and also knows what everyone is ever going to do, say or think, what their past present and future medical records say, how much money they have anywhere in the world, etc., he is holding the entire past, present and future personal data of all of humanity, ever.
Believers say they have signed a positive opt-in, but that leaves billions suffering from potential misuse of the sort of personal data they often wouldn't even admit to themselves. God hasn't even issued a privacy statement, beyond some noises about nobody knowing what the Lord thinketh, (which accounts why all Churches and their leaders, except Landover, just guess as to the meaning of the Bible) which hasn't cut any ice with lawyers.
God’s main defence is that none of the information is kept on accessible files but ‘in his head’ where it can’t be hacked. Scientists have generally avoided pursuing the argument that God is in fact a supercomputer because by doing so they would have to accept his existence.
God also points out that He never shares his data with anyone, except for Satan, and then only on a need-to-know basis - (See The Book of Job; “Esau was a hairy man”, various descriptions of peoples’ circumstances by Jesus, etc.)
On 3 April 2017, President Donald Trump signed into law a bill that repealed a set of privacy and data security regulations for broadband internet service providers adopted by the Federal Communications Commission(FCC) in the last months of the Obama administration.
This means that God can safely do whatever He wants with your data and it must also come as a relief to True Christians that Landover Baptist may, by extension, do the same.
(Legal opinion by our expensive Jew lawyers is that your data is at risk if you are a member of any other Church or so-called "religion".)
The following legislation is applicable:
The Federal Trade Commission Act (15 U.S.C. §§41-58) (FTC Act) prohibits unfair or deceptive practices and has been applied to offline and online privacy and data security policies and the unauthorised disclosure of personal data.
The Financial Services Modernization Act (Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act (GL
) (15 U.S.C. §§6801-6827) regulates the collection, use and disclosure of financial information. The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act(HIPAA) (42 U.S.C. §1301 et seq.) regulates medical information.
The Fair Credit Reporting Act (15 U.S.C. §1681) applies to those who use and/or provide consumer reports
The Controlling the Assault of Non-Solicited Pornography and Marketing Act (CAN-SPAM Act) (15 U.S.C. §§7701-7713 and 18 U.S.C. §1037) and the Telephone Consumer Protection Act (47 U.S.C. §227 et seq.) regulate the collection and use of e-mail addresses and telephone numbers, respectively.
The Electronic Communications Privacy Act (18 U.S.C. §2510)and the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act (18 U.S.C. §1030) regulate the interception of electronic communications and computer tampering, respectively. A class action complaint filed in late 2008 alleged that internet service providers (ISPs) and a targeted advertising company violated these statutes by intercepting data sent between individuals' computers and ISP servers.
The 2016 Judicial Redress Act, giving citizens of certain ally nations (notably, EU member states) the right to seek redress in US courts for privacy violations when their personal information is shared with law enforcement agencies.
The Theological Problem
The theological problem here is in the last piece of legislation as it emerged that God faces a record fine $22 million or 4% of turnover for failing to comply with the regulations and, with turnover in His case being the income of the entire universe, which is near as damn it infinite, then a fine of four percent of infinity is infinity.
Because God knows everything that everyone has ever done,said or thought, and also knows what everyone is ever going to do, say or think, what their past present and future medical records say, how much money they have anywhere in the world, etc., he is holding the entire past, present and future personal data of all of humanity, ever.
Believers say they have signed a positive opt-in, but that leaves billions suffering from potential misuse of the sort of personal data they often wouldn't even admit to themselves. God hasn't even issued a privacy statement, beyond some noises about nobody knowing what the Lord thinketh, (which accounts why all Churches and their leaders, except Landover, just guess as to the meaning of the Bible) which hasn't cut any ice with lawyers.
God’s main defence is that none of the information is kept on accessible files but ‘in his head’ where it can’t be hacked. Scientists have generally avoided pursuing the argument that God is in fact a supercomputer because by doing so they would have to accept his existence.
God also points out that He never shares his data with anyone, except for Satan, and then only on a need-to-know basis - (See The Book of Job; “Esau was a hairy man”, various descriptions of peoples’ circumstances by Jesus, etc.)
On 3 April 2017, President Donald Trump signed into law a bill that repealed a set of privacy and data security regulations for broadband internet service providers adopted by the Federal Communications Commission(FCC) in the last months of the Obama administration.
This means that God can safely do whatever He wants with your data and it must also come as a relief to True Christians that Landover Baptist may, by extension, do the same.
(Legal opinion by our expensive Jew lawyers is that your data is at risk if you are a member of any other Church or so-called "religion".)
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