So I finally got a King James Bible

[PrayerIsFun]

Goodwill was trying to sell it for $3.99 but I wasn't about to pay that for a King James when I can get a Mormon Bible for 99 cents so I just slid it into my coat and walked out with it. How can they put a price on Christianity?

[Mr. Old Iron Crotch]

Re: So I finally got a King James Bible

Goodwill was trying to sell it for $3.99 but I wasn't about to pay that for a King James when I can get a Mormon Bible for 99 cents so I just slid it into my coat and walked out with it. How can they put a price on Christianity?

Shoplifting for Jesus, eh?

[PrayerIsFun]

Re: So I finally got a King James Bible

Shoplifting for Jesus, eh?

I figure the commandments are more like loose guidelines. Thou shalt not kill only applys to other True Christians TM. Thou shalt not steal is only applicable when stealing another True Christian's TM belongings. I don't think the owners of Goodwill are True Christians TM so who are they to charge me for the King James Bible? They're going to burn in hell anyways.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: So I finally got a King James Bible

Goodwill was trying to sell it for $3.99 but I wasn't about to pay that for a King James when I can get a Mormon Bible for 99 cents so I just slid it into my coat and walked out with it. How can they put a price on Christianity?

Ex:20:15: Thou shalt not steal.

You stole.

Ex:20:17: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

You coveted that which was your neighbor’s

Jas:1:5: If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

You failed to ask God for wisdom.

Jas:1:13: Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:

It was not God that tempted you.

Jas:1:14: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.Jas:1:15: Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

Death will be your reward.

What should you do?

Le:6:1: And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
Le:6:2: If a soul sin, and commit a trespass against the LORD, and […] hath deceived his neighbour;
[…]
Le:6:4: Then it shall be, because he hath sinned, and is guilty, that he shall restore […]the thing which he hath deceitfully gotten, […]
Le:6:5: […] he shall even restore it in the principal, and shall add the fifth part more thereto, and give it unto him to whom it appertaineth, in the day of his trespass offering.
Le:6:6: And he shall bring his trespass offering unto the LORD, a ram without blemish out of the flock, with thy estimation, for a trespass offering, unto the priest:
Le:6:7: And the priest shall make an atonement for him before the LORD: and it shall be forgiven him for any thing of all that he hath done in trespassing therein.

You must return the bible plus 20 cents to the bookseller. Landover does not require you to deliver a ram without blemish, however, you must donate the equivalent of such a beast via the PayPal button – (estimated market value = $50)

This will save a lot of unpleasantness.

[Nobar King]

Re: So I finally got a King James Bible

You owe me 10$, too, for this advice that I'm going to give you: Don't start threads with 'so'. It makes you sound like you are 16.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: So I finally got a King James Bible

I figure the commandments are more like loose guidelines. Thou shalt not kill only applys to other True Christians TM. Thou shalt not steal is only applicable when stealing another True Christian's TM belongings. I don't think the owners of Goodwill are True Christians TM so who are they to charge me for the King James Bible? They're going to burn in hell anyways.

Son, you are not even a false Christian, much less a True Christian(tm). Please don't imply that you are one of us. Scum like you give us a bad name.

The Word of God can be had for free if you just visit your local Independent Baptist Church and ask the Pastor for one. Make sure you ask specifically for a KJV1611 Authorized Version Bible.

Also you can read one online at www.biblegateway.com. And for your assisted reading pleasure, Brother V has got a wonderful thread going HERE called "Bible in a Year."

Unless and until you repent and accept Christ as your Personal Savior, you are going to spend all of eternity in hellfire. You probably imagine that your God-mockery is quite clever. Believe you me, it won't seem so funny when satan is anally assaulting you in a scalding pool of sulfur.

[Mr. Old Iron Crotch]

Re: So I finally got a King James Bible

Son, you are not even a false Christian, much less a True Christian™. Please don't imply that you are one of us. Scum like you give us a bad name.

Yeah.
They give themselves a bad name well enough without your help!
Although, now that I think of it, he can't possibly make you look any worse, can he?

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: So I finally got a King James Bible

You stole.You coveted that which was your neighbor’sYou failed to ask God for wisdom.It was not God that tempted you.Death will be your reward.

What should you do?

Le:6:1: And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
Le:6:2: If a soul sin, and commit a trespass against the LORD, and […] hath deceived his neighbour;
[…]
Le:6:4: Then it shall be, because he hath sinned, and is guilty, that he shall restore […]the thing which he hath deceitfully gotten, […]
Le:6:5: […] he shall even restore it in the principal, and shall add the fifth part more thereto, and give it unto him to whom it appertaineth, in the day of his trespass offering.
Le:6:6: And he shall bring his trespass offering unto the LORD, a ram without blemish out of the flock, with thy estimation, for a trespass offering, unto the priest:
Le:6:7: And the priest shall make an atonement for him before the LORD: and it shall be forgiven him for any thing of all that he hath done in trespassing therein.

You must return the bible plus 20 cents to the bookseller. Landover does not require you to deliver a ram without blemish, however, you must donate the equivalent of such a beast via the PayPal button – (estimated market value = $50)

This will save a lot of unpleasantness.

Why should he pay Landover anything? It wasn't their property.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: So I finally got a King James Bible

Why should he pay Landover anything? It wasn't their property.

It's God's property, and we are God's favorite church, harlot!

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: So I finally got a King James Bible

It's God's property, and we are God's favorite church, harlot!

It was not God's property, it was the store's property. He needs to either return it to the store, or bring the store payment for it.

As for you being God's favorite church, I asked him about it, and he pissed himself laughing at the very idea that he had anything to do with you.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: So I finally got a King James Bible

Goodwill was trying to sell it for $3.99 but I wasn't about to pay that for a King James when I can get a Mormon Bible for 99 cents so I just slid it into my coat and walked out with it. How can they put a price on Christianity?

I habe this odd feeling that you're some manner of God mocker.

As for you being God's favorite church, I asked him about it, and he pissed himself laughing at the very idea that he had anything to do with you.

So, the God you say doesn't exist urinated on you?

Please do not try to involve the Almighty in your bizarre watersports fetish, and stop confusing him with Captain A-hat!

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: So I finally got a King James Bible

I habe this odd feeling that you're some manner of God mocker.

So, the God you say doesn't exist urinated on you?


I didn't say that he pissed on me - I said he pissed himself laughing at you. Any positive force in the Universe would have the same reaction to LBC claimng to be its favorite.

Please do not try to involve the Almighty in your bizarre watersports fetish, and stop confusing him with Captain A-hat!

He ain't my almighty.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: So I finally got a King James Bible

He ain't my almighty.

He's EVERYONE'S God Almighty you revolting witch! The fact that He provided you with an opportunity to love and worship Him and you chose to reject Him doesn't let you off the hook.

1 John 2:22 Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son.
23:Whosoever denieth the Son, the same hath not the Father: he that acknowledgeth the Son hath the Father also.

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: So I finally got a King James Bible

He ain't my almighty.

Never forget:

23I have sworn by myself, the word is gone out of my mouth in righteousness, and shall not return, That unto me every knee shall bow, every tongue shall swear.

You may not admit it now, but in that nanosecond before God dropkicks your sorry body into Hell like a cheap rag doll into a waste management dumpster, you WILL recognize the Lord as your Savior

[Unfalsifiable]

Re: So I finally got a King James Bible

He ain't my almighty.

If you believe this why are you posting on this forum?