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  • RenegadeTroll
    Unsaved trash, Hateful God-mocker
    • May 2009
    • 23
    #1

    Please Help Me

    Alright, I know my introduction thread may have come off as arrogant, and hateful, but I honestly want to be saved and become a true landover Baptist.

    I want to take every single word of the Bible literally, I honestly do! It's just that everytime I try, this thing called: "rational thinking" gets in the way and I go back to my sinful hippy lifestyle!

    Please help me, I want to be free from the grasp of Satan. I honestly do. I can barely stand what I have become, every night I lie awake and cry thinking about the Godless sinner I have become. Please put the Good Word of God back in my life....
    Living the Godless, evil hippy lifestyle was fun, but now I have to reach out to the almighty loving Jesus, or risk being cast into the depths of hell on The Day of Judgement.
    Tags: None
    • Bob4God
      Moderator
      Arms Dealer for CHRIST
      Hands folded for Jesus
       
      • Apr 2008
      • 5274
      #2
      Re: Please Help Me

      Why don't you ask JESUS into your heart and your head, so He can not only tell you how to feel but how to think.

      It works for all of us!
      sigpic
      The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
      - Proverbs 15:3

      CHILDREN'S STORY: TIMMY ON TRIAL


      CHRISTIAN ADVICE AND MESSAGES OF HOPE! GOD'S GREATEST HITS!


        Comment

        • RenegadeTroll
          Unsaved trash, Hateful God-mocker
          • May 2009
          • 23
          #3
          Re: Please Help Me

          Oh thank you so much! It's all starting to make sense to me now! I feel like I have now set out on my journey to become a True Christian! God bless us everyone!
          Living the Godless, evil hippy lifestyle was fun, but now I have to reach out to the almighty loving Jesus, or risk being cast into the depths of hell on The Day of Judgement.

            Comment

            • Ezekiel Bathfire
              Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
              Christ's Rottweiler
               
              • Jan 2008
              • 22912
              #4
              Re: Please Help Me

              Take a deep breath, think of Jesus, now let your mind be a blank and say, "Faith" as you exhale. May a certain peace descend upon you. From this point of pure acceptance you are starting the journey to Salvation™

              (PS do not do this whilst driving or operating machinery.)
              sigpic


              “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

              Author of such illuminating essays as,
              Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                Comment

                • RenegadeTroll
                  Unsaved trash, Hateful God-mocker
                  • May 2009
                  • 23
                  #5
                  Re: Please Help Me

                  Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
                  Take a deep breath, think of Jesus, now let your mind be a blank and say, "Faith" as you exhale. May a certain peace descend upon you. From this point of pure acceptance you are starting the journey to Salvation™

                  (PS do not do this whilst driving or operating machinery.)
                  Thank you! This is all very helpful! Any advice on how to remove the unGodly music of Jim Morrison from my filthy mind?
                  Living the Godless, evil hippy lifestyle was fun, but now I have to reach out to the almighty loving Jesus, or risk being cast into the depths of hell on The Day of Judgement.

                    Comment

                    • Ezekiel Bathfire
                      Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                      Christ's Rottweiler
                       
                      • Jan 2008
                      • 22912
                      #6
                      Re: Please Help Me

                      Originally posted by RenegadeTroll View Post
                      Thank you! This is all very helpful! Any advice on how to remove the unGodly music of Jim Morrison from my filthy mind?
                      Hum "The Old Rugged Cross" for a few hours.
                      sigpic


                      “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                      Author of such illuminating essays as,
                      Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                        Comment

                        • RenegadeTroll
                          Unsaved trash, Hateful God-mocker
                          • May 2009
                          • 23
                          #7
                          Re: Please Help Me

                          Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
                          Hum "The Old Rugged Cross" for a few hours.
                          What about my constant desire to fornicate? Should I just get my genitals surgically removed or is that just taking the easy way out?
                          Living the Godless, evil hippy lifestyle was fun, but now I have to reach out to the almighty loving Jesus, or risk being cast into the depths of hell on The Day of Judgement.

                            Comment

                            • Pastor Ezekiel
                              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                               
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 78556
                              #8
                              Re: Please Help Me

                              Originally posted by RenegadeTroll View Post
                              Thank you! This is all very helpful! Any advice on how to remove the unGodly music of Jim Morrison from my filthy mind?
                              Why do you worship dead sodomite singers? Don't you know that they are being tortured in hell right now?

                              Change that offensive avatar right now!
                              Who Will Jesus Damn?

                              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                                Comment

                                • RenegadeTroll
                                  Unsaved trash, Hateful God-mocker
                                  • May 2009
                                  • 23
                                  #9
                                  Re: Please Help Me

                                  Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                                  Why do you worship dead sodomite singers? Don't you know that they are being tortured in hell right now?

                                  Change that offensive avatar right now!
                                  Yes sir Mr. Pastor Ezekiel. From now on my long haired sandal wearing Lord is Jesus Christ.
                                  Living the Godless, evil hippy lifestyle was fun, but now I have to reach out to the almighty loving Jesus, or risk being cast into the depths of hell on The Day of Judgement.

                                    Comment

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