Deepest Regards

[Asst. Director Onlin]

Dear members of the Landover Baptist Church,

As we see, you have unearthed our undercover operations upon this board. The main man who recognized this was a member under the username of "Mad Prophet Helmholtz." As you might have noticed, there have been many a number of new members. These are but enemies to the United States of America, here to uncover our operations.

The most we can ask from you is to keep these operations under wraps upon this message board. Continue to ban these new random members whom you deem as Unsaved trash, as the majority are enemies of the state. Our organizations already have placed a large foothold into this message board, and many of those who you recognize as True Christians™ are actually governments operatives. For their sake, we will not reveal those who undercover operatives.

This site is also under investigation as a possible gathering site for enemies to the state. Hence our use of it and undercover operatives. Many things on this board is very radical and not taken lightly. You may want to be careful as to your actions in the future, especially since we have seen this uprising of enemies of the state to use this site, especially as of late. It gives us a reason to believe that something may be in the process of planning.

Sincerely,

FBI Assistant Director of Internet Relations

P.S. This is an encrypted and monitored connection. Any attempt to track or disturb this connection will be dealt with harshly upon any laws we have regarding terrorism and internet terrorism.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Deepest Regards

Have your fun while it lasts kids.

Let the banning begin.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Deepest Regards

Well Friends, the DoF was not very happy about this post, as our Department of Faith normally works very closely with them. So we hid it from view for a while

We had to do a little investigation and found out who this God-mocker was.

As always, the DoF - with the help of Jesus and JesOS® - delivers, and we have already notified this imposter about the crime of impersonating officers of the law, especially on our Godly Forum!

We expect nothing more and nothing less than a FULL apology to both us and Baby Jesus - not necessarily in that order!

For all you other unsaved trash out there: just know that the DoF never sleeps.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Deepest Regards

You mean to tell me that some unsaved wad of filth impersonated an FBI officer with the express intent to threaten and intimidate them?

That's a serious federal offense.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Deepest Regards

Have your fun while it lasts kids.

Let the banning begin.

Capt. Portway, would your ready the Jet for a trip to Pittsburgh please? Bobby-Joe and the boys have some business in the area.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Deepest Regards

You mean to tell me that some unsaved wad of filth impersonated an FBI officer with the express intent to threaten and intimidate them?

That's a serious federal offense.

Yes, that is what I am saying. Worst idea ever, isn't it Pastor?

Capt. Portway, would you ready the Jet for a trip to Pittsburgh please? Bobby-Joe and the boys have some business in the area.

We are on the phone with the Captain as we speak, and Bobby-Joe and his crew have been given a code RED.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Deepest Regards

We are on the phone with the Captain as we speak, and Bobby-Joe and his crew have been given a code RED.

Red? Remember the fuss last time? It took quite a lot of pressure on the Senator to keep it out of the media!

[Nobar King]

Re: Deepest Regards

I hope they throw him in jail for spelling onion wrong.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Deepest Regards

Red? Remember the fuss last time? It took quite a lot of pressure on the Senator to keep it out of the media!

Don't remind me Brother. I still have nightmares... erm... yeah, let's not drag that up please.

But you know BJ. You say "code orange" and he goes "OK, full red it is", and hangs up. When it's about the safety of our Church, nothing will stop him.

It's in God's hands now.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Deepest Regards

[...] When it's about the safety of our Church, nothing will stop him.

It's in God's hands now.

Ho hum, I’ll prepare the usual statement, “Unfortunate accident… tragic in one so young… unaware it was loaded… we know how the family must feel… trying to minimize civilian casualties… War on Atheism… Defending freedom… patriotic citizens will understand… etc.,” you know how it goes.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Deepest Regards

Ho hum, I’ll prepare the usual statement, “Unfortunate accident… tragic in one so young… unaware it was loaded… we know how the family must feel… trying to minimize civilian casualties… War on Atheism… Defending freedom… patriotic citizens will understand… etc.,” you know how it goes.

Yes please. Patriot Act. "That wasn't waterboarding, it was Baptism!" Religious freedom... The whole shebang.

Please make sure Hymie reads the statement as well before it goes out. You know how Pelosi got her knickers in a twist last time because of some legal mumbo-jumbo.

[Mad Prophet Helmholtz]

Re: Deepest Regards

I knew it! IMPOSTERS! They are everywhere. You have to be careful especially on the internet because ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE PROGRAMMED BY KGB AND ROBO-ANIMAL ALLIANCE wishes to seize all true thoughts of resisting groups and then SUPPLANT NEW THOUGHT EMANATING FROM THE PSYCHIC MIND OF GHOST SHARK FOR PROMOTION OF 5000 YEAR BISEXUAL HERMAPHRODITIC ORGIES AND ENCYCLOPAEDIA SATANICA DISTRIBUTION!!!

I knew I wasn't crazy! I found these guys out! I DROVE THE GOPHERS OUT OF THE HOLE!!!!

[Mad Prophet Helmholtz]

Re: Deepest Regards

Let me throw an alarming fact at you: Over 30% of the people you know aren't actually the people you know!!! They are government spies, con artists, shapeshifters, robots, and related kind. It is absolutely necessary for Satanic Alliance to hold power by creating a FALSE WORLD in order to misguide you into thinking the Spaceship Jesus truth is really false and discredit all prophecies and teachings of the Mad Prophet Helmholtz.

1) IMPOSTERS. Anyone who assumes the identity of someone else, they can be human or unhuman, many times those closest around you might not be a single person but a SERIES OF IMPOSTERS, it is a fact that a woman was married to a man she thought was one man but was actually 15-20 different imposters over the years, this is PROVEN FACT OF CONSPIRACY BY S.A. AGENTS. Thomas Jefferson Secret Book proves imposters are used to collect intelligence, extend propoganda, or create a false reality in the world of the victim, STOP FAKE WAL-MART SUPPORTERS who are merely IMPOSTER CLONES OWNED BY WAL-MART this is called Astroturfing and it comes from TEXAS, the SPAWNING OF THE LOCUST KING!!!

2) CLONES. Human Cloning has been perfected over the last 60 years, first attained by NAZI SCIENTISTS IN 1940s but now it is possible for large-scale batches of identical-looking humans to be pumped out all fulfilling a need in order to create "doubles" and imposters, especially that of political figures and celebrities.

3) SHAPESHIFTERS. Very rare but also the most dangerous, drawing wizardry power from MOTEL ACTIONS, these people can assume the identity of anyone else they want. Via conversion of mere seedy motels into fanatical wizard towers, these beings can control all elemental energy of the universe via their penises.

4) REPLICANTS. Androids who can pass as humans externally, BLADE RUNNER MOVIE SHOWS TRUTH ABOUT ROBOT CONSPIRACY.

Imposters have existed for centuries: Shakespeare wrote plays about imposters, Princess Anastasia's imposters, Catholic Church imposter popes, etc. Truth finally revealed to the public December 1809 by THOMAS JEFFERSON AMERICAN PATRIOT who wrote SECRET BOOK DETAILING IMPOSTERS ALL AROUND US, scary thoughts envisioning for us, when he tells of Ben Franklin imposters trying to blackmail him and BRITISH planting imposters in Continental Congress as spies, exhibiting IMPOSTER CONSPIRACY GOING BACK THOUSANDS OF YEARS TO DAWN OF CIVILIZATION Jefferson proved caveman paintings show not cavemen themselves but IMPOSTERS!!!!

Great book destroyed within a year by his various enemies, he tried to re-write it but stopped out of fear after IMPOSTER PEEPING TOMS SPIED ON HIM they entered his mansion at Monticello daily and hid in corners and closets, including IMPOSTER TWO-DIMENSIONAL CARTOONS who could hide in cracks and underneath sheets of paper, Jefferson wanted piece and privacy and the only way to let them go was to NOT PUBLISH THE BOOK so he stopped, for it is too bad that Mr. Jefferson made that decision but it is understandable, but the MAD PROPHET HELMHOLTZ TELEPATHICALLY CONNECTED TO SPACESHIP JESUS WILL NOT BE STOPPED AND NO FORCE ON EARTH IS POWERFUL ENOUGH TO CRUSH THE TRUTH EMANATING FROM HIS MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Imposters are all around us. A third of your neighbors, your friends, your co-workers, your lovers, the people you meet on the street...THEY ARE ALL IMPOSTERS. They all have seperate agendas but a good majority of them are S.A. AGENTS PARTICULARILY BLACKS, HOMOSEXUALS, ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVISTS, SCIENTISTS, ROBOTICS TECHS, CUSTOMER SERVICE PHONE PEOPLE, NEWS MEDIA (CNN, FOX, BBC, REUTERS, ETC.), AND MOTEL SERVICE INDUSTRY.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Deepest Doo-Doo

Ass Director O Noes, you could at least have used the "preview post" button and had your Mommy review this before posting it. Half of your writing doesn't even make sense!

Dear members of the Landover Baptist Church,

As we see, you have unearthed our undercover operations upon this board. The main man who recognized this was a member under the username of "Mad Prophet Helmholtz." As you might have noticed, there have been many a number of new members. These are but enemies to the United States of America, here to uncover our operations.

The most we can ask from you is to keep these operations under wraps upon this message board. Continue to ban these new random members whom you deem as Unsaved trash, as the majority are enemies of the state. Our organizations already have placed a large foothold into this message board, and many of those who you recognize as True Christians™ are actually governments operatives. For their sake, we will not reveal those who undercover operatives.

This site is also under investigation as a possible gathering site for enemies to the state. Hence our use of it and undercover operatives. Many things on this board is very radical and not taken lightly. You may want to be careful as to your actions in the future, especially since we have seen this uprising of enemies of the state to use this site, especially as of late. It gives us a reason to believe that something may be in the process of planning.

Sincerely,

FBI Assistant Director of Incestuous Relations

P.S. This is an encrypted and monitored connection. Any attempt to track or disturb this connection will be dealt with harshly upon any laws we have regarding terrorism and internet terrorism.

Perhaps you should speak with M.P. Helmholtz. I understand he now provides low-cost tutoring in clear and concise written communication.