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  • Gabriel Reproba
    Head Attorney of Landover's Legal Team
    The Most Honest Lawyer in America
    True Christian™
    • Nov 2009
    • 2479

    #1

    Pray for Imprisoned Baptists in Haiti!!

    CNN is reporting that the Godly Baptist team sent down to Haiti to rescue as many children as their trucks could carry (which seems ot be 33!!) have been arrested an charged with kidnapping! I don't know what voodoo spell that the police have been put under, but how COULD they do this? ANY life with god-fearing parents is a FAR BETTER life than a life in Haiti living the voodoo deathstyle.

    Now it is true that these folks are members of the group belong to the Central Valley Baptist Church in Meridian, Idaho, but we should not let their Idahoan heritage blind us to the fact that they are Baptists doing GOD'S WORK. Sure, the facts are a little fuzzy, but since when are facts ever clear in a disaster area? For example, the report states:

    Some of the detained Americans have said they thought they were helping orphans, but their interpreters said Wednesday that they were present when group members spoke with the children's parents.
    I am sure that this is a case of their negro interpreters lying or being placed under an exotic voodoo spell. Note that they go on to say:

    Some parents in a village outside Port-au-Prince said they had willingly given their children over to the Americans, who promised them a better life and who said they could see their children whenever they wanted to.
    See? Those parents that gave up their kids could come see their children ANY TIME THEY WANTED TO...provided they got the appropriate visas, permission to enter from the U.S. and could afford the travel and lodging expenses on their $500 per year incomes! Fair is fair!


    I ask that you all pray for the release of our fellow Baptists from their Haitian jail and pray for the release of those darkie kids from their voodoo parents!
    Yours In Christ,

    Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

    Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

    Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
    Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
    The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
    Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
    How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
    20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
    God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
    Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
    Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
    Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
    There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
    Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

    Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
  • bill blake
    Unsaved trash
    • Jan 2010
    • 1

    #2
    Re: Pray for Imprisoned Baptists in Haiti!!

    you're a dick

    Comment

    • James Hutchins
      True Christian™
      Just a Regular Nice Guy
       
      • Jun 2009
      • 29443

      #3
      Re: Pray for Imprisoned Baptists in Haiti!!

      Originally posted by bill blake View Post
      you're a dick
      Well Bill, you seem to have a bee in your bonnet. What is the matter? God can solve anything you know.
      Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
      Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
      Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
      Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
      Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
      Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

      Comment

      • James Hutchins
        True Christian™
        Just a Regular Nice Guy
         
        • Jun 2009
        • 29443

        #4
        Re: Pray for Imprisoned Baptists in Haiti!!

        Brother Gabriel, don'y one of the Platinum tithers own a small fleet of Gulf shrimp boats? I bet you could fit a lot of niglets in the hold of one of them. The chillers would help them keep too.
        Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
        Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
        Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
        Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
        Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
        Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

        Comment

        • Pastor Ezekiel
          Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
           
          • Sep 2006
          • 78552

          #5
          Re: Pray for Imprisoned Baptists in Haiti!!

          Don't forget to pray for the Landover Baptist Mission Squad currently being detained in Haiti.
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

          Comment

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