Satan Proof Your Home

[TC Patriot]

I don't have to tell you brothers and sisters that Satan is working overtime to steal the souls of True Christians and get them to back slide. Those who are particularly new in Christ maybe particularly vulnerable and may be too bedazzled by the Prince of Darkness to utter the words "I cast thee out in Jesus' name." Never forget to toss in "in Jesus' name". Otherwise Satan will think he's dealing with some wimpy god and not our God.

Here are some things I thought of that will Satan proof your home.

1. Have the right blocks in the interweb.

2. Block cable TV especially CNN and NBC.

3. Only get your news from Fox's Hannity, Beck, Hume and O'Riely.

4. Keep a KJV1611 in every room.

5. Put a sign on your front door that says, "This is a TRUE CHRISTAIN Home" right next to the one that says "Never Mind the Dog, Beware of the Owner".

6. If you are not playing good wholesome Christian music play Pastor Deacon Fred's sermons of any other LBC pastor or pastors of your choice.

7. Pray!

8. Limit you associations with non True Christians unless you are trying to bring them to Christ.

9. Drink no strong spirits. The only spirit you need is the Holy Spirit.

10. READ YOU KJV 1611!

Please feel free to add to this list.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Satan Proof Your Home

Well we don't have a TV so good for #2, bad for #3

5. I like having the false Christians come to my door, it gives me a chance to witness to them. Oh and our sign says "alarmed by Rottweiler, protected by Smith & Wesson.

It's a nice list though, I'm happy how many I could just say 'check' to.

[Oakland "Reb" Griner]

Re: Satan Proof Your Home

11). If you can't bring your pagan, Catholic, Mormon, etc. relatives to True Christianity, shun them!

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: Satan Proof Your Home

5. I like having the false Christians come to my door, it gives me a chance to witness to them. Oh and our sign says "alarmed by Rottweiler, protected by Smith & Wesson.

What a mighty True Christian™ fortress you have, Sister BIG! Unfortunately I don't have guard dogs or guns, so I make do with a garden hose, which lies coiled in a small flower bed next to my front doorstep. Whenever door-knocking false Christians begin disagreeing with me -- as they usually do, being too stubborn to admit their fault -- I give them a jolly good blast with the hose.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Satan Proof Your Home

12. Insist on your wife and daughter dress modestly at all times lest it leads to depravity. The shower and and bed room are no excuse (really have to give Old Man Hatchet credit for this one)

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Satan Proof Your Home

13. Every Christmas Eve, light a roaring fire in each of your fireplaces. There is no way that evil fat man will come down a chimney when he sees a reminder of the fires of Hell below!

[TC Patriot]

Re: Satan Proof Your Home

What a mighty True Christian™ fortress you have, Sister BIG! Unfortunately I don't have guard dogs or guns, so I make do with a garden hose, which lies coiled in a small flower bed next to my front doorstep. Whenever door-knocking false Christians begin disagreeing with me -- as they usually do, being too stubborn to admit their fault -- I give them a jolly good blast with the hose.

Baptize them with water and I will baptize them with fire! On a cold day a good blast of icy water will keep some Moron or some JW from trifling with a good True Christian lady like you!

You might want to get them will a pressure washer and some ammonia.

[repented harlot70]

Re: Satan Proof Your Home

Thank you so much TC for the head's up.

I've already been doing all of that with the exception of the sign. I'll be headed to our local building supply store in a few minutes to buy the wood and nails.

[WinterFresh]

Re: Satan Proof Your Home

"Never Mind the Dog, Beware of the Owner".

Nice one. I will keep this one in mind.

[Godgineer]

Re: Satan Proof Your Home

From a scientific stand point, these are all great ways to keep devils and demons from your house. However, an additional rule.

13) Home school your children.

This should be obvious. If you control what your children see, hear, learn, and think, you can filter all the evil agendas (liberalism, atheism) from their young, fragile minds. Abstinence and creationism can replace the 'effective and proven' methods of education.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Satan Proof Your Home

From a scientific stand point, these are all great ways to keep devils and demons from your house. However, an additional rule.

13) Home school your children.

This should be obvious. If you control what your children see, hear, learn, and think, you can filter all the evil agendas (liberalism, atheism) from their young, fragile minds. Abstinence and creationism can replace the 'effective and proven' methods of education.

Ah yes Brother, we were looking at ways of building a fortress of our house without thinking about what can be brought in by ourselves or our children!

Which would make me add another

14) Be aware of who your child's friends are.

[Godgineer]

Re: Satan Proof Your Home

Oh most definitely!

And better yet, why not have your children bring their little heathen friends to the house?

That way, you can make a Jesus-sized indention in their pliable little minds, and control which way the conversations go with your mighty, Adult Supervision!

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Satan Proof Your Home

15.) Subjugate your wife and keep her silent. Her open mouth is an open door to hell.