Problems with Prayer

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

I had no sooner sat down after a trip to the zoo where I had been taunting ocelots when Nephew Zebulun came round to borrow (another!) $10,000. Frankly, I could do without these interruptions in my routine, which was then to continue working on my latest research into the nature of unicorns and I asked him, “We True Christians believe in answered prayers, why not pray that God makes a large deposit in your account?”

His response was theologically interesting. He replied “Unky, I am surprised at your casual approach to prayer! Not only is it an unwarranted interference in God’s Great Plan; not only does it imply that The Lord of Hosts does NOT know our needs but, on a broader matter, we should show the greatest care, so great that it might be inadvisable to pray at all!”

I was intrigued and said “Pray continue” (then realising the pun changed that to, “Sorry, do go on.”) Nephew Zebulun then explained “As Christians die in the same numbers and, on average, at the same age as atheists and catholics, if a mortally ill Christian prays to be healed, isn't he actually praying for another Christian to die in his place? Statistically the books have to be balanced, don't they?”



(He then added something about his books requiring $10,000 to be balanced but this does not concern the theology.)

I was so much troubled by this that I signed the check that Nephew Zebulun had kindly made out in advance from my checkbook and sat down to think.

Then it came to me!! I called “But wait! I think I have seen the flaw.” However, the door had closed and he was no longer there.

Nevertheless, I share this with you:

There needs to be an experiment in which Christians stop praying for 20 years to see what happens to the average age of death. As it is, atheism and longevity have both been on the rise but it is equally obvious that so have the frequency and volume of our prayers, and we here at Landover have found a particularly God-pleasing prayer.*

Has anyone any thoughts on this?

*(others – not catholics – might have this knowledge also… I must speak with Bobby-Joe about keeping our special prayers secret).

[James Hutchins]

Re: Problems with Prayer

Hmmmmmm that is a perplexing question.

I do not see how it would be possible to do the experiment as you describer it though. I cannot think of a single True Christian™ that can go 10 minutes without a prayer to baby Jesus, let alone 20 years! I know I simply would not ever do anything to possibly raise the ire of God so that is another problem. He likes us to pray and thank Him continuously.

I think it would be a better experiment to see what happens to the unsaved. All we'd have to do is not outreach to a select group of test subjects. We could compare the median age of death of these people to True Christians(tm).

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Problems with Prayer

My only question would be whether or not this research would be focusing on the right question. That is, even if atheists, through some unexplainable force, live longer, what would be the point.

Eternal life is what we live our lives for. Even though evil atheists skip and whistle through their lives and we live under the constant threat of condemation by God, they must spend eternity in hell. We, on the other hand, spend eternity on a cloud playing our harps.

Maybe we need to need theological research determining where each group will spend eternity.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Problems with Prayer

We, on the other hand, spend eternity on a cloud playing our harps.

And that is a good thing because?

I find the real version of heaven as described in the scriptures of my faith much more appealing. Even the Muslims seem to feel there is more fun to be had in the afterlife then offered by you christians.