[BelieverInGod]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Why can't racists own TV's?






Well they can't have anything coloured in the house, and black and white? IN THE SAME SET???

[Sister Kitty]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Q. How do you know there's a Jew living next door to you?
A. There's wet toilet paper on the clothesline.

You have amused me. That is a rare and precious gift. Thank you.

[black_Jew_Licorice]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Q. How do you know there's a Jew living next door to you?
A. There's wet toilet paper on the clothesline.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Beethover plays his new symphony. At the end, as the crowd roars he says:

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"






(Seriously, I came up with that myself.)

[black_Jew_Licorice]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Q. What is the difference between a Trampoline and a Homosexual?
A. You take your boots off when you jump on a Trampoline.

[Jimmy C Lombardo]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old Joo at a small stand selling ties.
>
> The Taliban asked, 'Do you have water?'
>
> The Joo replied, 'I have no watta. Would ya like to buy a tie? Dey only $5.'
>
> The Taliban shouted, 'INFIDEL! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!
>
> 'Oye,' said the old Joo man, 'it does not madda that ya do not want to buy a tie and that ya hate me. I will show ya that am bigga dan dat. If ya continya over dat hill to the yeast for about two miles, ya will find a lovely restraunt. It has all da ice cold watta ya need. Shalom.'





> Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead.
>
> 'Your f+++ing brother won't let me in without a tie!"

[Brother Baconeater]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A little boy is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying his eyes out. A priest approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?"

The little boy turns to him and says, "My mummy and daddy were in their car -- and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."

The priest slowly looks around him while starting to undress and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

2 True Christians(TM) and a Buddhist are standing in line to get into heaven.

Peter is standing there and says "Okay, everything looks in order, but there's one small test that you all must pass before entering".

The first Christian steps up and Peter tells him "spell God". The Christian does, and enters.

The second Christian steps up and Peter says "spell Jesus". The Christian does, and enters.

The Buddhist figures this is easy and steps up. Peter says "spell avalokiteshvara bodhisattva".

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Peter pulls at the arms of his guards, "I must return to my Lord!"

They ignore his pleas, and continue to drag him away. He attempts to get away again and again, as he hears Jesus call "Peter, Peter."

Finally, there is a distraction, and Peter is able to pull away from the guard. He runs to the top of the hill, dodging past Romans who would restrain him, jumping over other mourners.

Peter finally dashes to the foot of the cross, hearing that soft voice "Peter, Peter." He falls to his knees and begs, "What is it, my Lord?"

Jesus looks down at him and says, "Peter."

"Yes my Lord?"

"Peter, I can see your house from here."

[Petal]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

this not really a jokes, it be a true storys that happen every day

there were a christain man an he were lates for work, he not ables to find a parking spaces. so he say to lord God "lord God, if you helps me find a parking spaces i sware to you that i will stops looking at nekkid innernet ladys." just then the christain man saw a free parking space an he say to lord God "neverminds, i found one myselfs"

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Top 10 Things Overheard At Sunday’s Church Potluck

10. “If I’d wanted microwaved burritos, I’d have gone to church at the 7-11.”

9. “Girl, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.”

8. “Mmm, you can almost smell the E. Coli.”

7. “Hmmm, I wonder how all that angel food cake fits into Pastor Rob’s South Beach Diet.”

6. “I’d like to slap the hands that prepared THIS meal.”

5. “Mrs. G’s tuna noodle casserole could be served weekly in hell!”

4. “More Like Pot Suck!”

3. “Can I apply these chicken wings to my tithe?"

2. “Less cream, more corn.”

1. “So, when do we get the actual pot?”

[Noah Dint]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Being named after my Great-Great-Grandfather, as a child I had to endure every "Noah" joke known to man.

Here are a few that you can tell to children:

Q. Which animal on Noah's Ark had the highest level of intelligence?
A. The giraffe.

Q. Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark?
A. Because they were using "fowl" language.

Q. On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
A. Quackers.

Q. When was the first meat mentioned in the Bible?
A. When Noah took Ham into the ark.

Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A: Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q: What kind of lights were on the ark?
A: Floodlights.

Q: Did all the animals on the ark come in pairs?
A: No the worms came in apples.

Q: Why didn't Noah go fishing?
A: He only had two worms!

Q: How do we know that they played cards in the ark?
A: Because Noah sat on the deck.

Q: What animal could Noah not trust?
A: The Cheetah.

Q: What money did Noah carry into the ark?
A: Bucks and doe.

Q: Why were the horses aboard the ark Pessimistic?
A: They were always saying neigh.

Alice: Grandma, were you on Noah's ark?
Grandma: No.
Alice: Then how did you survive the flood?

-ND

[James Dewitt]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot:

"Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes," said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot: "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Doberman Jesus."

[James Dewitt]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A man named Vinny dies and goes to hell.

The Devil says to him "Hey Vinny we've been waitin for ya!".

Vinny smiles and walks with the Devil and the Devil says "I gotta ask you a couple questions, do you like to smoke?" Vinny answers "Ya, I love to smoke." The Devil says "Good you'll like Mondays we smoke everything cigarettes, cigars, weed everything."

"Now do you like to drink?" Then Vinny says "Of course I love to drink." The Devil replies "Great we drink everything on Tuesdays you will fit in great."

"Do you like to have sex?" Vinny says "Hell ya sex is the best." The Devil smiles and replies "We have sex with every type of woman you could think of on Wedesdays."

And the Devil finally says "Now, are you gay?" Vinny frowns and answers "NO I'm not gay! And the Devil looks down and finishes "Your gonna hate Thursdays."

[Meek and Humble]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

That which dieth of itself, or is torn with beasts, he shall not eat to defile himself therewith; I am the LORD. (Leviticus 22:8)

That's the best joke of all - GOD'S last laugh against the sinner!