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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Q: What is white at the top and black at the bottom?
A: Society!
Q: What do you call a woman who can't make sandwiches?
A: Single.Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Here's an old one:
A Roman Catholic who had filled up the measure of his iniquities as far as he dared went to the priest to confess and obtain absolution. He entered the apartment of the priest and addressed him thus, ‘Holy father, I have sinned.’
The priest bade him kneel before the penitential chair. The penitent was looking about, and saw the priest’s gold watch lying upon the table within his reach; he seized it and put it in his bosom. The priest approached him and requested him to acknowledge the sins for which he wished absolution.
‘Father,’ said the rogue, ‘I have stolen, and what shall I do?’
‘Restore,’ said the priest, ‘the thing you have stolen to its rightful owner.’
‘Do you take it,’ said the penitent.
‘No, I shall not,’ said the priest; ‘you must give it to the owner.’
‘But he has refused to take it.’
‘If this be the case you may keep it.’
The priest granted him full absolution; and the penitent knelt and kissed his hand, craved his benediction, crossed himself, and departed with a clear conscience, and a very valuable gold watch into the bargain.
– Walter Baxendale, Dictionary of Anecdote, Incident, Illustrative Fact, 1888
This shows that Catlix have been liars, cheats and thieves for at least 115 years.sigpic
Author of such illuminating essays as,
“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Q: A nigra, a jew, and a mexican jump off a bridge. who wins?
A: Society
Q: A nigra, a jew, and a mexican jump off a bridge, who lands first?
A: Who cares2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
You got me there, Bubba. I would have guessed Obama and Biden.Originally posted by Bubba McRightman View PostsigpicComment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Two Muslimp women were conversing one day about their children. One said, "My little Achmed, he went to Heaven only a month ago after he martyred himself with a car bomb. And it's been two years now since Abdhullah, my oldest son, martyred himself with a TNT vest." The other said, "Oh, I know. One day you're feeding them, and changing their diapers, burping them, sending them off to school, watching them learn, and before you know it they're all blown up."
Yours always in the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior,
MarcComment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
A heahen man walks into an adult porno store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"
Customer says, "Female"
Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"
Customer says, "White"
Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"
Customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"
Counter guy says, "A whole lot, as a matter of fact.-- The Muslim one blows itself up!"
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Q: A colored woman has 5 boys all named Tyrone how does she tell them apart.
A: By their last name.
Thank you.
RustyPsalms 116:6 The LORD preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Negro 1 walks into a convenience store, grabs a Coke and a bag of Doritos Nacho Cheese chips, and heads to the checkout counter and begins to pay for his items.
Negro 2 runs up before he can finish, grabs his chips, and runs out of the store.
Negro 1 yells: "Wait a minute! That's NACHO Cheese!"
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Q: What are three things you can't give a negro?
A: A black eye, a fat lip and a job.
A white guy is walking down the street and finds a lamp. He picks it up and rubs some of the dust off of it and poof, a genie appears. The guy says "I wish I was hung like a negro."
So the genie lynched him.
YIC2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally naked, while a beautiful, big-breasted nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis. They were told that anyone whose bell rang when the nude model danced in front of them would not be ordained, because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest.
As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground. Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell…
Then all the other bells started to ring.2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.Comment
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