Mission to Canada

[Joshua Godwins]

My wife and I are embarking late tomorrow on a mission to the lowly nation of Canada. This mission has been in the planning stages for a few months. We are very excited to be on the eve of our departure.

Our destination is the God mocking region known as the Maritime provinces in the atheist and communist far eastern reaches of that pitiful country. We will be delivering the Word of God to the heathens at the entrance to the St. John City Market in St. John New, Brunswick from 9/11/10 until 9/13/10. From there we move on to Halifax, Nova Scotia where we will be preaching at Privateers Wharf from 9/14/10 to 9/17/10 where we will risk kidnapping and torture by the pirates that surely inhabit the place. God willing we will return home on 9/20/10.

I have assembled a series of four fiery Bible based sermons to deliver at hourly intervals throughout the day. I am also relying on the inspiration of Jesus Himself while I speak. My wife has been practicing many good old timey hymns that she will sing between sermons. I have also developed some new rebukes for God mocking Canadian sinners. I hope they will be well received.

We have decided to make the trip by rail. This will give us the unique opportunity to preach while in transit. My sermons and my wife's singing will give the minds of the passengers something to contemplate during the long journey through the drab, boring and hostile Canadian countryside.

I know most of the disgusting sinners that hear me will not heed my words. So many of the world's unsaved trash are content to wallow in sin and depravity, but I am confident some will listen and turn their lives over to Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Pray for us!

[John Creeser]

Re: Mission to Canada

I applaud you Brother, but I wouldn't hope for much out of the Godless maratimes.

I did a similar such mission back in the early 90's with little result. May I suggest a few things? I know you are taking a train but.....

1. When driving through NB stick to southern parts, if you go north you might run into a sect of satanic Acadians. I was lucky to escape with my life. I had entered something called a Tim Hortons to order a coffee and when I spoke (in English) every head in the room turned. They all started speaking in tongues, something I've never heard before....the last thing I heard when running out the door was something like "Mon Diue...tabernac!!!"

2. When entering NS, it's safe to get out in a town called Truro. It was if I set my clock back 50 years to a time of more conservative values. There is even a quaint part of town called Bible Hill which I thought was rather pleasant area.

3. Watch yourself in Halifax. I would steer clear of Privateers Wharf lest you become overcome by the foul smell of their demon infested harbour. I had made the mistake of preaching from what the locals referred to as "Pizza Corner" at 2 in the morning. I ended up getting pelted with pizza crusts and a foul meat called donair....they were eating these things drenched in human semen of all things. It took many years in the prayer closet to get over that experience.

Just be careful brother and stay out of any building that reads Toulany's, the architects of the semen drenched foul donair!!

[Joshua Godwins]

Re: Mission to Canada

I applaud you Brother, but I wouldn't hope for much out of the Godless maratimes.

I did a similar such mission back in the early 90's with little result. May I suggest a few things? I know you are taking a train but.....

1. When driving through NB stick to southern parts, if you go north you might run into a sect of satanic Acadians. I was lucky to escape with my life. I had entered something called a Tim Hortons to order a coffee and when I spoke (in English) every head in the room turned. They all started speaking in tongues, something I've never heard before....the last thing I heard when running out the door was something like "Mon Diue...tabernac!!!"

2. When entering NS, it's safe to get out in a town called Truro. It was if I set my clock back 50 years to a time of more conservative values. There is even a quaint part of town called Bible Hill which I thought was rather pleasant area.

3. Watch yourself in Halifax. I would steer clear of Privateers Wharf lest you become overcome by the foul smell of their demon infested harbour. I had made the mistake of preaching from what the locals referred to as "Pizza Corner" at 2 in the morning. I ended up getting pelted with pizza crusts and a foul meat called donair....they were eating these things drenched in human semen of all things. It took many years in the prayer closet to get over that experience.

Just be careful brother and stay out of any building that reads Toulany's, the architects of the semen drenched foul donair!!

I thank you Brother for your advice and concern.

It's my view that if one is to do missionary work, one should choose to go to the most foul places on earth. I had considered Vancouver, but the travel expenses we a little to high for my limited budget. A missionary isn't going to find many sinners among Saints! This is why I have decided to venture into the most evil and demonic areas of that vile nation.

Pray for us!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Mission to Canada

I pray for your success. The church was going to have an official Mission to Canada at one point, but B. Hussein Obama has so thoroughly destroyed our economy it just hasn't happened.

[Brother Barnabus]

Re: Mission to Canada

I thank you Brother for your advice and concern.

It's my view that if one is to do missionary work, one should choose to go to the most foul places on earth. I had considered Vancouver, but the travel expenses we a little to high for my limited budget. A missionary isn't going to find many sinners among Saints! This is why I have decided to venture into the most evil and demonic areas of that vile nation.

Pray for us!

You Sir are truly a brave Christian soldier to even hallucinate the thought of stepping a toe into that den of Godless, heathen iniquity .... Satan's Own Cannuckistan!

Join me Brethren and Sistern in song .....

Onward Christian soldiers
Marching as to war
With the cross of Jesus
Going on before

Christ the royal master
Leads against the foe
Forward into battle
See His banners go.

I'm too choked up to continue ...... God be with you
Yea Verily, Hallelujah Amen !!!

[HTannor]

Re: Mission to Canada

The only saving grace in canukia is that they play football based upon our Godly game. True, they made up some weird rules to play it, but at least they don't pay much attention to that fag-infested soccer thing.

Beyond that, Joshua, I greatly fear your mission will be long and hard. You will surely be running into those that speak frog - rebuke them by telling them that the Lord's words are written in American and as long as they continue with that furrin language they will roast in hell.

Bless you for the effort.

[Warner S. Davidson]

Re: Mission to Canada

Good Luck Brother Joshua

You are entering frontier country full of savages, particulalry the French.

And remember the Canadian-French are an insidious European sub-species that managed to get a foot hold into the wilds of Canada after a failed invasion attempt
Naturally being cowardly Frenchmen they surrendered and fled into the woods (carrying armfuls of cheese) when it got "too hard"

My understanding is that the French dissidents in Canada are even more evil, obnoxious and un Godly than their Papist homeland ancestors

Take care Brother

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Mission to Canada

they play football

Do you know if they play any Australian Rules football, there? Although increasingly being exposed - or exposing thamselves! - as perverts these days, their on-field antics inspire many a godly thought in Australian women

[Seth Campbell]

Re: Mission to Canada

Good Luck Brother Joshua

You are entering frontier country full of savages, particulalry the French.

And remember the Canadian-French are an insidious European sub-species that managed to get a foot hold into the wilds of Canada after a failed invasion attempt
Naturally being cowardly Frenchmen they surrendered and fled into the woods (carrying armfuls of cheese) when it got "too hard"

My understanding is that the French dissidents in Canada are even more evil, obnoxious and un Godly than their Papist homeland ancestors

Take care Brother

Oh the French Canadian is a creature to behold. All they do is whine and cry about how badly they are treated, yet the government does nothing but kiss their ass daily. When they wanted to separate, they decided that the people in the Northern Region shouldn't be allowed to vote because those people wanted to stay with Canada. To be honest, if the area that wanted to separate actually separated it would probably be one of the smallest countries in the world. They also wanted to still keep all the "good" stuff of being Canadian and even have a word in Canadian politics.

And yes, Eastern Canada is chock full of papists.

Do you know if they play any Australian Rules football, there? Although increasingly being exposed - or exposing thamselves! - as perverts these days, their on-field antics inspire many a godly thought in Australian women

Worse, they play "Canadian rules" football. As is typical of Canada, it's almost US football but with just a little bit of difference so Canadians can say how superior they are for knowing more about football than the "dumb" Americans

NFL:
11 Players on the Field
Tight-End Position
100 yard field
4 downs
0 points for missed field goals
Touchback if ball falls in endzone during punt
Fair catch
Endzone is 10 yards deep
30 seconds to put ball into play (before delay of game)
Missed field goals are dead balls (cannot be returned)

CFL:
12 players on field
Slotback position
110 yard field
3 downs
1 point for missed field goal (stupid rule in my opinon)
1 point if you punt the ball and player cant get out of endzone
No fair catch, their is player immunity for 5 yards though
Endzone is 20 yards deep
20 seconds to put ball into lay (before delay of game)
Missed field goals are live (can be returned)

[HTannor]

Re: Mission to Canada

Worse, they play "Canadian rules" football. As is typical of Canada, it's almost US football but with just a little bit of difference so Canadians can say how superior they are for knowing more about football than the "dumb" Americans

NFL:
11 Players on the Field
Tight-End Position
100 yard field
4 downs
0 points for missed field goals
Touchback if ball falls in endzone during punt
Fair catch
Endzone is 10 yards deep
30 seconds to put ball into play (before delay of game)
Missed field goals are dead balls (cannot be returned)

CFL:
12 players on field
Slotback position
110 yard field
3 downs
1 point for missed field goal (stupid rule in my opinon)
1 point if you punt the ball and player cant get out of endzone
No fair catch, their is player immunity for 5 yards though
Endzone is 20 yards deep
20 seconds to put ball into lay (before delay of game)
Missed field goals are live (can be returned)

Exactly, Brother Seth. When I mentioned their sort of football I reached for the rule book they use. Every other word in the rules was "Eh" and I didn't understand any of it. For example:

"Section, eh, 101, eh, sub, eh, section, eh, 12, eh. The field, eh, shall be, eh, 110, eh, yards, eh, long, eh."

It's no wonder they still think the Queen is somehow connected with them, eh.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Mission to Canada

re. CFL .. sounds awful.