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  • Brother Harold Porter
    Landover Senior Outreach
    Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
    True Christian™
    • Jun 2010
    • 8236
    #1

    Happy Birthday Jesus!

    Lord Jesus Christ, on the most important day in human history, I praise You with all my heart! I can offer no gift equal to what You offer the common sinner.

    I can only thank You again for my walk with You, and away from the life of gayness, sodomy and felonies that Satan tempted me with. If not for You, I would long ago have ceased as a mortal, my filthy diseased carcass buried and my soul forever roasting on a phallic spit in hell. Thank You!

    May we all offer extra praise for our Savior on His special day!
    Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

    sigpic
    Tags: None
    • Pastor Ezekiel
      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 78556
      #2
      Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!

      And He is risen!
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • Oakland "Reb" Griner
          True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Jun 2009
          • 2241
          #3
          Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!

          Happy Birthday to you,

          Happy Birthday to you,

          Happy Birthday Baby Jesus!

          Happy Birthday to you!!
          Jud 1:15 To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are unGodly among them of all their unGodly deeds which they have unGodly committed, and of all their hard [speeches] which unGodly sinners have spoken against him.

            Comment

            • Lisa H
              Proud to be Blonde, Beautiful, and Baptist
              True Christian™
              • Jun 2010
              • 5070
              #4
              Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!

              Happy birthday Jesus!

              Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
              Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
              Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
              Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
              Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
              Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.

                Comment

                • Billy Bob Jenkins
                  Family Man of the Year 2010-2013
                  About as Straight and Manly as you can get
                  Hates anal sex. And trees.
                  True Christian™
                  • May 2010
                  • 8337
                  #5
                  Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!

                  Thank you, Jesus, for saving me from the sadistic Hell you created. And for sending all the sodomites there to burn in everlasting anguish. And Happy Birthday, Jesus!
                  The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

                    Comment

                    • Johannes Kirkeholm
                      True Christian™
                      True Christian™
                      • Oct 2010
                      • 395
                      #6
                      Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!

                      Happy birthday Jesus!

                      I can't wait to meet you
                      To the atheists:

                      To the false christians:

                      Feel like pissing off God? Perhaps this will change your mind:

                      Hosea 13:16
                      Samaria shall become desolate; for she hath rebelled against her God: they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up.

                        Comment

                        • Lycia The Repentant
                          Ex-prostitute on her knees for the Lord
                          Now that she's Saved©, Priceless
                          True Christian™
                          • Sep 2010
                          • 2019
                          #7
                          Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!

                          Happy birthday Jesus! I know I thank you every day for predestining me to have seen the error of my sinful ways and offering my your Salvation, but I'm giving you extra thanks on your special day today!

                          Thank you Jesus, and happy birthday!
                          "Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came unto you in the way of righteousness, and ye believed him not: but the publicans and the harlots believed him: and ye, when ye had seen it, repented not afterward, that ye might believe him." Matthew 21:31-32

                          An Important Reminder for all unSaved© Ladies
                          Protect Yourself! Important Information about Demons
                          My five Six Step Guide to Stopping Your Miserable Harlotry!
                          Do you hate fornication? Join the Junior Anti-Sex League and help stop it today!
                          An Open Question to All false christians.

                            Comment

                            • John Creeser
                              Warning: In case of Rapture, this account will be unmanned.
                               
                              • Aug 2009
                              • 7248
                              #8
                              Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!

                              Happy 2010th Jesus!!!
                              -Every young man's battle - PORN AND MASTURBATION![/SIZE]
                              -DISOWN your ATHEIST children - just like this good mother did!!

                              -FINALLY!! Some rights for the rapists!!
                              -There is no such thing as animal abuse!!
                              -Pregnancy through RAPE is a GIFT from God
                              -Keep the Fags out of the Boy Scouts!!
                              -WIVES!! Stay in your abusive relationship!

                              STOP, DROP & ROLL DOESN'T WORK IN HELL!!!!

                                Comment

                                • Brother Harold Porter
                                  Landover Senior Outreach
                                  Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Jun 2010
                                  • 8236
                                  #9
                                  Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!

                                  Happy Birthday Jesus! Another year of this insignificant mortal life, possible only because of my personal relationship with You!

                                  Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for dying for three days to save wretched pond scum like me. The only intervention that worked in my life was You, and it took immediately and permanently.

                                  I cannot thank you enough for your gift that none of us deserve as filthy sinners. May you have a special day and I cannot wait to meet you!

                                  Harold Porter Sr.
                                  Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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                                    Comment

                                    • Proud Faroese
                                      Forum Member
                                      • Aug 2011
                                      • 509
                                      #10
                                      Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!



                                      Happy Birthday Jesus on your 2011th birthday!

                                        Comment

                                        • Jack O'fagan
                                          With faith as immovable as the Earth
                                          True Christian™
                                          • Feb 2011
                                          • 4836
                                          #11
                                          Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!

                                          Happy birthday my sweet savior!!

                                          I hope you have a great party up in heaven. I hope they don't give you 'the bumps'. 2011 of them might be a bit too much.

                                          Please take me soon! I can't wait to die, leave my family and be with You my Lord.

                                          Yours in You

                                          Jack
                                          Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.

                                          sigpic

                                          I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.

                                            Comment

                                            • Brother Harold Porter
                                              Landover Senior Outreach
                                              Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
                                              True Christian™
                                              • Jun 2010
                                              • 8236
                                              #12
                                              Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!

                                              I always get a bit excited at this time of year! An infant born of a virgin to save us all!

                                              Matthew 1:21 "And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins."

                                              The woman that God chose to impregnate is, of course, insignificant. What matters (beyond the afterbirth and mess), is the child of God.

                                              How I wish I had been there to embrace Him! To guide him inside my sheepskin and keep Him warm. To love Him as much as He loves me. To share His warmth and mine with Him. To truly be one with each other.

                                              That first night, together, would have been so very special. We would have slept so well after our prayers to both you and your Father. One day, we will again be together.

                                              Happy Birthday Jesus!

                                              In Your Name.
                                              Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

                                              sigpic

                                                Comment

                                                • James Hutchins
                                                  True Christian™
                                                  Just a Regular Nice Guy
                                                   
                                                  • Jun 2009
                                                  • 29454
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!

                                                  What do you possibly give to the man who truly does have everything?
                                                  In the spirit of the holiday and at the wise suggestion of some close Church Board members, I have decided to make a substantial gift to the Church for the Pastors Discretionary fund. Who better than I but a man with his lips close to the ears of God Almighty to choose how we can best bestow our gratitude for Him letting us live and not caged like animals.
                                                  Jesus knows if I have been naughty or nice. Hopefully my present that I have no doubt the Pastor will appropriately bestow upon the Holy Ghost will compensate for any transgressions that while I absolutely did not do, may of looked different to a person with out all the facts.
                                                  Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                                                  Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                                                  Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                                                  Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                                                  Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                                                  Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                                                    Comment

                                                    • I Man Rastafari
                                                      Possibly retarded pothead
                                                      • Oct 2015
                                                      • 1019
                                                      #14
                                                      Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!

                                                      I and I have always thoroughly enjoyed the birthday of Yeshua. In the past I have always been in Jamaica during this time of the year. At home my mama would be making jerked chicken and frying flying fish. My father would arrive with a case of rum and all his cousins half brothers and friends who were keen to celebrate. I no longer eat meat of any type nor do I drink alcoholic beverages but these are still fond memories. At this time of year the white girls come from Babylon to vacation and meet Black men and the new crop of ganja is harvested and dried. These are wonderful memories.

                                                      This year I am forced to spend the birthday of Yeshua in Miami with my Auntie. At least it is warm here in Miami. Wisconsin is too cold for Black men which must be why so few are there. Still I do not like Miami. This city is full of Cubans and they are drunk on rum and coca cola at all hours of the day and night. They are even more rude and demanding than white men and they do not like Black people. I well remember them from when they would come to my garrison to shoot at the shower posse. They are a very mean and uncivilized people. Soon I will return to Wisconsin and then in a few years I will be able to go to Africa. I will never live in Miami and I do not know how my Auntie can stand it here.
                                                      Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: Extol him that rideth upon the heavens By his name JAH, and rejoice before him.-Psalms 68:4

                                                        Comment

                                                        • Faith_Machine
                                                          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                                                          True Christian™
                                                          • Mar 2011
                                                          • 10050
                                                          #15
                                                          Re: Happy Birthday Jesus!

                                                          Before we get distracted with Jesus' birthday, which isn't 'til the end of this week, we should make sure any other birthdays happening between now and then don't get short shrift.

                                                          I'd hate for anybody's (cough, mine) birthday to be forgotten in all the excitement!
                                                          WARNING:
                                                          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                                                          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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