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  • #31
    Re: Colonic Demons?

    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
    Amen Brother Eddie! I can't tell you how many hours I have spent cleaning demons out of nubile young men's rectums! From the boy brothels of Bombay to the sin salons of Singapore, I've called upon the Holy Ghost to keep my resolve ROCK HARD in the saddle. It's a tough, sweaty job but someone's got to do it.

    Shout GLORY!
    This is the funniest thing I have ever read ever!!

    You can't be serious.
    Rock hard? Tough sweaty? Cleaning out young boy's rectums??

    Really??

    Comment


    • #32
      Re: Colonic Demons?

      Originally posted by AChild View Post
      This is the funniest thing I have ever read ever!
      How is a Pastor working hard to save souls funny?
      I Jesus!

      Comment


      • #33
        Re: Colonic Demons?

        well, I used to think they was whales that was living in my hindquarters, cause this high pitched stinky whale song used to issue forth from cavity? well, i'll pray harder every day, so them demons dont take up residency no further!
        Genesis 1:24
        And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind: and it was so."

        Comment


        • #34
          Re: Colonic Demons?

          Surely it's a sign from Heaven Above:the first thread I read after registration, and praise Him, I find the answer to one of the things that's been plaguing me! My wife's despaired over my copious sulfur production for years,
          and now I'm on the road to salvation.

          Yes. Yes, I'm in the right place.

          Comment


          • #35
            Re: Colonic Demons?

            I have demons in my rectum!

            I want to get rid of them, but how should i do?

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: Colonic Demons?

              Originally posted by Zeitgeist View Post
              I have demons in my rectum! I want to get rid of them, but how should i do?
              Eat less chili?


              Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He’d hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He’d windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee’s knees. Jesus is like the monster truck of love and you are an old Geo Metro which he will roar his massive engine over and crush your pathetic fiberglass frame into a crumpled heap. Praise Jesus, especially when it’s sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.

              - Ecclesiastes xii.7

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: Colonic Demons?

                Originally posted by Zeitgeist View Post
                I have demons in my rectum!

                I want to get rid of them, but how should i do?
                Stick of dynamite should do it.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: Colonic Demons?

                  Originally posted by James Hutchins View Post
                  I am a bit embarrassed (as all completely straight men are) of being guilty of having demons in my rectum. I spent quite a bit of time in an intervention, locked in a no-name shady motel with a couple of loving Pastors. They spent say and sweaty night, working to pull the demons from my rectum.
                  I am proud to say I am now demon free and have been for a while. However, I do not take chances and have my rectum checked regularly. This is very important for all males over the age of 17 and should be done several times a year.
                  Brother James, I find your words, and moreover your actions, truly inspiring. It's what I too need to become a true Man of Christ like you. Feel free to contact me on Skype if you would, as I'd love to hear more about how you triumph over those rectal demons.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: Colonic Demons?

                    Are you people serious?! JESUS enema? Jeezus. You guys have trully BIG ISSUES that SEEK A SHRINK's assistance. Jeeeeze.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: Colonic Demons?

                      Originally posted by defart View Post
                      Are you people serious?! JESUS enema? Jeezus. You guys have trully BIG ISSUES that SEEK A SHRINK's assistance. Jeeeeze.
                      Listen The Fart,

                      You're the one with the username based on breaking wind and you think WE have issues? I bet your colon is positively CRAWLING with demons!
                      sigpic


                      Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



                      God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



                      Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Re: Colonic Demons?

                        Portway. My initial username was deVart untill some frustrated moderator changed it(guess what, out of frustration...).



                        All the demons are in your people's heads.
                        Nobody's going to hell because god or the devil do not exist. They're a mere invention of the human mind(mind that seeks answers beiond his coping capabilities).
                        And if God would exist, why is he superficial/pure evil?
                        Shouldn't he be good? Shouldn't he help his creations? He never helped me even if I asked for his help.

                        God is fiction you insane creeps.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Re: Colonic Demons?

                          Originally posted by defart View Post
                          Portway. My initial username was deVart untill some frustrated moderator changed it(guess what, out of frustration...).



                          All the demons are in your people's heads.
                          Nobody's going to hell because god or the devil do not exist. They're a mere invention of the human mind(mind that seeks answers beiond his coping capabilities).
                          And if God would exist, why is he superficial/pure evil?
                          Shouldn't he be good? Shouldn't he help his creations? He never helped me even if I asked for his help.

                          God is fiction you insane creeps.
                          You think this is an invention of the mind? If True Christian™ Proctologists were not doing their job, the secular industry would take over.


                          Friends, never go to a proctologist outside of Landover.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Re: Colonic Demons?

                            Originally posted by defart View Post
                            All the demons are in your people's heads.
                            Didn't you see the title of the thread - Your head may be up your colon, our heads aren't.
                            Nobody's going to hell because god or the devil do not exist.
                            And that, my friend, is why Hell is full to overflowing
                            And if God would exist, why is he superficial/pure evil?
                            God is love.
                            Shouldn't he be good? Shouldn't he help his creations?
                            He does! He offers Salvation™
                            He never helped me even if I asked for his help.
                            To be frank, I would have difficulty helping you, as you are an atheist.
                            sigpic


                            “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                            Author of such illuminating essays as,
                            Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Re: Colonic Demons?

                              I own a cat... Does that put demons in my rectum?

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Re: Colonic Demons?

                                Originally posted by Nighthawk View Post
                                I own a cat... Does that put demons in my rectum?
                                it depends....is it a ginger cat

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