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Hello Brothers and Sisters in Christ!
In a rare opportunity to spread the holiday message of God's love this Christmas Eve, the kid's choir from Landover Baptist Middle School will visit San Francisco, the modern day city of Sodom to sing door to door from their Landover Baptist Hymnals. Our focus is the neighborhood of the Tenderloin since the name implies it is predominantly homosexual. Since our concealed carry licenses are not valid in California and the area is inhabited by limp-wristed Nancy Boys, a dozen deacons will carry only small cans of mace and be accompanied by several hound dogs on our most anticipated soul-winning trip to date.
Select songs from our own congregation will include:
• Bring Them Out Unto You
• One Righteous Man Among Thee
• God Rained Brimstone Upon Them
While families usually gather on Christmas Eve to celebrate the birth of Jesus, those who have chosen to live the Devil's lifestyle tend to spend their evening alone, having been banished from their relatives for their evil ways. We'll be out to show them that they're not forgotten! We (and God) will reverse our judgement and righteous hatred for them if they choose to turn and repent before the Lord. As soon as the doors open we will shout rebukes over the blessed song of the students. Any homers that drop their wine bottle long enough to listen will then be witnessed to behind closed doors by Phillipe Vollard, our own True Christian™ Tin Wings Tither and ex-gay missionary to the area.
One of the escorts, Deacon Daniel Brock is responsible for preparing the kids for the trip. "Our students have been going through a week of training to get ready for this," he said. "While we don't rightfully understand what goes on in the demon-posessed mind of a sodomite to make them lust after a fellow man's hiney, we can try to recreate situations from the homer's own 'trade terms' to prepare the kids for what they might see when the Devil opens his front door."
Excercises involved activities such as throwing lettuce at unclothed male mannequins and then dressing them up as illegal Mexican immigrants in dirt stained clothing. A brief class was given on the potential health risks of trying to digest carpet fibers as well. The students will also carry bottled water with them for any homeless folks they encounter sleeping on the streets. Any lazy vagrant that is soaked in Christ's love this time of year will be snapped out of their booze induced slumber and motivated to serve the Lord with his paycheck! Praise Jesus!
A private, catered charter flight to SFO has been scheduled for the children of Platinum and Gold tithing Church members. Tin Wings tithing families can call myself or Pastor Geoffrey Weaver to make their own arrangements.
Merry Christmas and God bless!
Youth Pastor Martin Richards
In a rare opportunity to spread the holiday message of God's love this Christmas Eve, the kid's choir from Landover Baptist Middle School will visit San Francisco, the modern day city of Sodom to sing door to door from their Landover Baptist Hymnals. Our focus is the neighborhood of the Tenderloin since the name implies it is predominantly homosexual. Since our concealed carry licenses are not valid in California and the area is inhabited by limp-wristed Nancy Boys, a dozen deacons will carry only small cans of mace and be accompanied by several hound dogs on our most anticipated soul-winning trip to date.
Select songs from our own congregation will include:
• Bring Them Out Unto You
• One Righteous Man Among Thee
• God Rained Brimstone Upon Them
While families usually gather on Christmas Eve to celebrate the birth of Jesus, those who have chosen to live the Devil's lifestyle tend to spend their evening alone, having been banished from their relatives for their evil ways. We'll be out to show them that they're not forgotten! We (and God) will reverse our judgement and righteous hatred for them if they choose to turn and repent before the Lord. As soon as the doors open we will shout rebukes over the blessed song of the students. Any homers that drop their wine bottle long enough to listen will then be witnessed to behind closed doors by Phillipe Vollard, our own True Christian™ Tin Wings Tither and ex-gay missionary to the area.
One of the escorts, Deacon Daniel Brock is responsible for preparing the kids for the trip. "Our students have been going through a week of training to get ready for this," he said. "While we don't rightfully understand what goes on in the demon-posessed mind of a sodomite to make them lust after a fellow man's hiney, we can try to recreate situations from the homer's own 'trade terms' to prepare the kids for what they might see when the Devil opens his front door."
Excercises involved activities such as throwing lettuce at unclothed male mannequins and then dressing them up as illegal Mexican immigrants in dirt stained clothing. A brief class was given on the potential health risks of trying to digest carpet fibers as well. The students will also carry bottled water with them for any homeless folks they encounter sleeping on the streets. Any lazy vagrant that is soaked in Christ's love this time of year will be snapped out of their booze induced slumber and motivated to serve the Lord with his paycheck! Praise Jesus!
A private, catered charter flight to SFO has been scheduled for the children of Platinum and Gold tithing Church members. Tin Wings tithing families can call myself or Pastor Geoffrey Weaver to make their own arrangements.
Merry Christmas and God bless!
Youth Pastor Martin Richards
come along to succor you Boys?
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