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  • Peter McKain
    Unsaved trash
     
    • Apr 2008
    • 35
    #1

    Directions to God

    Can someone provide me with directions to the church nearest to me. I live in Portland, Maine and I wish to worship with the good people of the LBC but i'm not sure where to go.

    I pray that one of our kindly pastors might aid me.
    Tags: None
    • Pastor Ezekiel
      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 78555
      #2
      Re: Directions to God

      I didn't know there were any churches in Maine. I heard the liberal nutjobs up there outlawed Christianity.

      I'd invite you to attend services at out church, but we don't accept unsaved scum.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • Nobar King
          Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
          Christ's Guardian
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2007
          • 23748
          #3
          Re: Directions to God

          What a stupid question. Why don't you google it and tell us what you find? Do you think your mother works here? Also, who taught you how to make thread titles? I clicked hoping to find new directions to God and was disappointed to say the least. Next time you do this I'm going to knock you good, boy.
          May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

            Comment

            • Unfalsifiable
              Forum Member
              Forum Member
              • Jan 2008
              • 836
              #4
              Re: Directions to God

              Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
              What a stupid question. Why don't you google it and tell us what you find? Do you think your mother works here? Also, who taught you how to make thread titles? I clicked hoping to find new directions to God and was disappointed to say the least. Next time you do this I'm going to knock you good, boy.
              I second this post. Don't get my hopes up like that.
              READ THE BIBLE

                Comment

                • Ezekiel Bathfire
                  Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                  Christ's Rottweiler
                   
                  • Jan 2008
                  • 22882
                  #5
                  Re: Directions to God

                  Originally posted by Peter McKain View Post
                  Can someone provide me with directions to the church nearest to me. I live in Portland, Maine and I wish to worship with the good people of the LBC but i'm not sure where to go.

                  I pray that one of our kindly pastors might aid me.
                  "Directions to God"! Mrs Bathfire saw this title and fainted thinking that someone was issuing The Lord of Hosts with directions, telling the Alighty what He should do!!!

                  I'm minded to sue!
                  sigpic


                  “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                  Author of such illuminating essays as,
                  Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

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