Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it?

[Levi Jones]

I want something that I can use as a witnessing tool that will really wow the unsaved I preach to, but I also want it to be lightweight. My KJV 1611 reproduction is too large and heavy to lug around.

Will I have the same problem if I load up my Kindle with additional texts that are not canonical?

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it?

The Bible appears to be silent on this matter, so it is impossible to know, even through repetitious peer reviewed experimentation. However, the Bible does inform us that queers are abominations worthy of death. Therefore, my advice would be to acquire a Bible so large that these abominable perverts have no way to internalize and absorb it, except through intellectual study.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it?

I want something that I can use as a witnessing tool that will really wow the unsaved I preach to, but I also want it to be lightweight. My KJV 1611 reproduction is too large and heavy to lug around.

Will I have the same problem if I load up my Kindle with additional texts that are not canonical?

It may be more inclined to attract power surges from the sky, in the form of lightning strikes.

Might as well put the Necronomicon on there, too!

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it?

I understand these Kindle thingies have Internet access. Owing to my being a recovering Internet porn addict, I refuse to own one unless or until they make a good parental filter for it.

As for putting apocryphal books on a Kindle, I would worry that it might make your device vulnerable to computer demons. If you're using them as a teaching tool, however, like to show people how wrong they are, well, I would guess the Lord would surely be pleased by your efforts and protect your Kindle.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it?

My KJV is the "Brown's" volume, containing an anti-papist sermon on every page.

Sample here:



Although I don't actually read the sermons, they are available to inspire homosexualists in the (remote) hope that they may repent (also catholics) but they are so dogmatised that actual decisions (other than zipping down to the nearest disco or public lavatory) are most likely beyond them. I witness whenever possible but I might as well offer fresh seafood to a rabbi they are all disgusting, particularly the strumpets hanging around our local Italian motorcycle outlet nothing they said would surprise me you only have to look at their clothes why would anyone need a Ducati serviced at 3a.m. I feel sick just looking at them

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it?

I prayed to Jesus about your problem.

He Says that as long as you do it in the Spirit of His Love and don’t take it all too seriously because a lot of it is just the ramblings of some deluded peasant, then, in the circumstances, it is no worse than reading “Pilgrim’s Progress” or having a collection of Hymns on it. (Don’t go quoting it to people though, otherwise they’ll think you’re a papist and Jesus says He won’t be responsible for your safety.)

As far as the weight is concerned, how often have you heard the saying, “I was raise by the Spirit within me! Praise!”? Probably a hundred times this month alone. The Spirit does lift things, and it will lift your little gadget. The Spirit is unconcerned with a small electrical item as it “May Move Mountains!”

Weigh it before and after, Jesus told me it will make no difference. I never doubt His Word as revealed to me personally in a rather fine and well-moderated tone, not too dissimilar to Bush Snr. We could be witnessing a miracle.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it?

The kidel is the James to Jesus' Jesus.

Go for the Godly iPad

YIC

[WWJDnow]

Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it?

I'm sure that all of those extra electrons and whatnot must weight something, but fear not, "For every man shall bear his own burden." Galatians 6:5 But if it gets too heavy, you can always seek a brother True Christian(TM), for Galatians 6:2 tells us, "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ."

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it?

Brother Levi, I dreamed last night of your Kindle.

In my dream, you put the heretical Apocrypha on your Kindle, and marveled that it seemed exactly the same.

Then you started reading them. Just a little here, and a little there. Say, while in the bathroom, or while waiting in a line somewhere. The times you usually would have studied Scripture.

A couple of weeks later, you commented that your Kindle felt very heavy, but you couldn't seem to set it down. You even slept with it.

Soon, my friend, the vile instrument corrupted with heresies grew so heavy that it dragged you down to Hell!

I beg you, my friend, don't read those horrible books!

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it?

My KJV is the "Brown's" volume, containing an anti-papist sermon on every page.

That must be glorious! Every single page? Where can I get one of these?

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it?

I prayed to Jesus about your problem.

He Says ...

Can I just interrupt here just to say how much I love and appreciate this Godly forum where True Christians™ look out for each other, and intercede to the Throne of the LORD for each other?

It just makes my spirit swell with love!

Brother Levi, I dreamed last night of your Kindle....

Perhaps it was heartburn from something you ate? Did the good Widow Helen serve you a new casserole recipe?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it?

Perhaps it was heartburn from something you ate? Did the good Widow Helen serve you a new casserole recipe?

No, Sister, dinner was the usual Friday night fare at Widow Helen's Boarding House (it's next door, so I go there for dinner most evenings; her cooking is the best in town).

A salad of mixed greens imported from Chile, to mock the environmental whackos;
Tomato soup, made from Monsanto hybrid tomatoes, to cheese off the liberals;
Grilled steak, to thumb a nose at the Catholics and the Hindus;
Baked potato with sour cream and real bacon, to ensure there are no closet Jews or Muslims in the house; and
Widow Helen's famous cherry pie.

I don't think it was heartburn. I think it was a warning from God that our dear Brother could accidentally get drawn into the heresies in the Apocrypha, start doubting Jesus and trying to practice black magic, and find himself pulled into an unending nightmare and eternal damnation.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it?

That must be glorious! Every single page? Where can I get one of these?

It's a large volume available from second-hand shops occasionally, pic shows spine detail and a couple of other items for scale (A3 printer + music score). Brown was a protestant Scot, it might say something about him inside..

To enable every serious reader to judge what doctrines ought to be believed and what duties practicsed by the Christian, are the avowed aims of this publication.

But, as every Protestant must allow the Scripture itself to be its own best interpreter—as God , to oblige men to a diligent search of his Word, comparing spiritual things with spiritual, has seldom fully unfolded any of his more important truths in one particular passage—the uncommon collection of Parallel Scriptures etc.

Thus we may listen to, and converse with God, and lay our conscience open to the inspired arrows of our all-conquering Redeemer;—we find his words, and eat them..

BROWN'S BIBLE Preface to the original edition vii, viii

John Brown was an 18th century Scottish clergyman and anti-Jacobite soldier

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it?

I wouldn't do it. No way, no how.

"Apocryphal" sounds too much like "coprophilia."



I'm begging you: DO NOT DO A GOOGLE SEARCH FOR THAT WORD!!!

YiC,

Zech

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it?

P.S. This is not to be confused with Brown's Volume mentioned by Miss Lizalor.