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  • Pastor Ezekiel
    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 78551

    #496
    Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!!

    John Travolta's retard son was struck dead by Jesus yesterday for being the idiot son of a sodomite actor who worships demons in outer space. Praise Jesus, I don't like seeing those drooling mongos on the street.


    They give me the heebie-jeebies.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • Pastor Rune Enoe
      Apostle of the North
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 11678

      #497
      Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!!

      Originally posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
      How do you say, "Tickets, please!" in Zulu?
      Zulu is very difficult language with no less than 15 different click sounds. Beginners invariably get the clicks wrong, so "Tickets, please!" becomes "Please thrust your red-hot pitchfork into my backside, Satan".
      A wise man’s heart inclines him to the right, but a fool’s heart to the left. (Ecclesiastes 10:2)

      Comment

      • SayvedByTheLord
        Sinner Who Has Found the Truth©
        True Christian™
        • May 2007
        • 3151

        #498
        Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!!

        Originally posted by Prune Danish View Post
        Zulu is very difficult language with no less than 15 different click sounds. Beginners invariably get the clicks wrong, so "Tickets, please!" becomes "Please thrust your red-hot pitchfork into my backside, Satan".
        I though Zulu had grunts and ooga-boogas in it too.


        Leviticus 26:27-29

        27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
        28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
        29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

        Comment

        • Pastor Rune Enoe
          Apostle of the North
           
          • Sep 2006
          • 11678

          #499
          Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!!

          Originally posted by SayvedByTheLord View Post
          I though Zulu had grunts and ooga-boogas in it too.
          That comes after the pitchfork.
          A wise man’s heart inclines him to the right, but a fool’s heart to the left. (Ecclesiastes 10:2)

          Comment

          • Passerby
            Unsaved trash
            • Jan 2009
            • 12

            #500
            Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!!

            Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
            These folks are going to HELL for being retarded.
            Where exactly in the Bible is it said the mentally retarded will be sent to Hell?

            "Scripture or it didn't happen!"

            Comment

            • Pastor Al E Pistle
              Christ's Cōnsiliārius
               
              • Sep 2006
              • 9323

              #501
              Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!!

              Originally posted by Passerby View Post
              Where exactly in the Bible is it said the mentally retarded will be sent to Hell?

              "Scripture or it didn't happen!"
              1 Kings 16 refers to retards.

              16:11 And it came to pass, when he began to reign, as soon as he sat on his throne, that he slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall, neither of his kinsfolks, nor of his friends.
              Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
              "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
              Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


              Comment

              • Pastor Ezekiel
                Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                 
                • Sep 2006
                • 78551

                #502
                Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!!

                Originally posted by Passerby View Post
                Where exactly in the Bible is it said the mentally retarded will be sent to Hell?

                "Scripture or it didn't happen!"
                Take a look at THIS thread. And stop derailing!!
                Who Will Jesus Damn?

                Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                Comment

                • Passerby
                  Unsaved trash
                  • Jan 2009
                  • 12

                  #503
                  Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!!

                  Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
                  1 Kings 16 refers to retards.

                  16:11 And it came to pass, when he began to reign, as soon as he sat on his throne, that he slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall, neither of his kinsfolks, nor of his friends.
                  I fail to see how this means the mentally retarded go straight to Hell for being born with a condition they have absolutely no control over. God is punishing them for a sin? How can you sin when you aren't even born? Original sin? Okay. That's curable with Jesus.

                  More importantly, only men are capable of urinating on a wall, because we can do it standing up, whereas women have to squat. But enough of that. I happened to find a few direct translations from Hebrew (which 1 Kings was written in) to English (which we can read), and they all said the same thing: "And it came to pass, when he [Zimri] began to reign, as soon as he sat on his throne, that he smote all the house of Baasa; he left him not a single man-child, neither of his kinsfolks, nor of his friends." If you don't agree, then translate it yourself, rather than rely on the book written by scribes who were more afraid of offending their earthly king than their heavnly one, and being beheaded. Here's a link to 1 King 16:11 in the original Hebrew.

                  Even more importantly, after Zimri assassinated Elah, he killed everyone in the palace, crippled or not (even though there is no reference to physical or mental crippling in that story anywhere).

                  Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                  Take a look at THIS thread. And stop derailing!!
                  Stop derailing what? The train to Hell? Jesus derailed the way the Pharisees ran things, so I'm doing it for you. Did you ever think God actually has something good in store for the crippled {read: 'everyone'}?

                  A man at my church was crippled both physically and mentally, barely able to speak, eat, or sit upright, much less walk (I don't know much of his past, but that's irrelevant; the fact is: he was crippled). He already had a wife and three daughters, so I think it may have been a gradual reduction of mental function after he got married and had kids. Also, to my knowledge, he had yet to be saved.
                  Anyway, he had starting attending the church a few monthes after we moved to a new building (church in an elementary school is just inconvienent for everyone ), and we noticed him on the back row, just staring forward at the stage where our pastor preaches, and drooling. Worst thing was: he couldn't do a thing about it. According to doctors and physicians, he was supposed to die within two monthes of his arrival in October (that is just a chronic relation, his death didn't depend on his joining of the church). That was over two years ago.
                  Now, he can walk by aid of a cane, dress himself, hold a conversation, correct his daughters when they do wrong, and just to make it even more amazing: he's the backup drummer for our Praise Team! I believe that God healed him (when you have 200+ people praying for one guy, it kinda helps ), so that He can demonstrate His power. So now, the man's story can be shared as an example to those who believe cripples (initially or not) are going to Hell for something they can't help, and to be an inspiration to other cripples, if they can understand what happened.

                  ============

                  I noticed in Deuteronomy 28:29 it says "...no man shall save thee." It didn't say "no man can save thee." The reason I brought up the "can save" notion is that Jesus Himself healed several handicapped people during His walk on earth: the blind man with mud, the crippled man with His mere words, and a few others. Jesus can cure them, so bring them to Jesus! With time and prayer (from everyone), they will be rid of their handicaps, and they can be better men and women for Jesus.

                  Testimonial stories are great

                  Comment

                  • Daisy Mae Johnson
                    The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
                    Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
                    aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
                    True Christian™
                    • Sep 2006
                    • 15708

                    #504
                    Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!!

                    GOD Dammit Passerby! Quit hogging up all the room! We need it for Patrick Swayze and Ted Kennedy!
                    sigpic

                    Tweet me Here
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                    Comment

                    • eliot mayfield
                      God Squad
                      True Christian™
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 9324

                      #505
                      Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!!

                      Originally posted by Passerby View Post
                      I fail to see how this means the mentally retarded go straight to Hell for being born with a condition they have absolutely no control over. God is punishing them for a sin? How can you sin when you aren't even born? Original sin? Okay. That's curable with Jesus.

                      More importantly, only men are capable of urinating on a wall, because we can do it standing up, whereas women have to squat. But enough of that. I happened to find a few direct translations from Hebrew (which 1 Kings was written in) to English (which we can read), and they all said the same thing: "And it came to pass, when he [Zimri] began to reign, as soon as he sat on his throne, that he smote all the house of Baasa; he left him not a single man-child, neither of his kinsfolks, nor of his friends." If you don't agree, then translate it yourself, rather than rely on the book written by scribes who were more afraid of offending their earthly king than their heavnly one, and being beheaded. Here's a link to 1 King 16:11 in the original Hebrew.

                      Even more importantly, after Zimri assassinated Elah, he killed everyone in the palace, crippled or not (even though there is no reference to physical or mental crippling in that story anywhere).


                      Stop derailing what? The train to Hell? Jesus derailed the way the Pharisees ran things, so I'm doing it for you. Did you ever think God actually has something good in store for the crippled {read: 'everyone'}?

                      A man at my church was crippled both physically and mentally, barely able to speak, eat, or sit upright, much less walk (I don't know much of his past, but that's irrelevant; the fact is: he was crippled). He already had a wife and three daughters, so I think it may have been a gradual reduction of mental function after he got married and had kids. Also, to my knowledge, he had yet to be saved.
                      Anyway, he had starting attending the church a few monthes after we moved to a new building (church in an elementary school is just inconvienent for everyone ), and we noticed him on the back row, just staring forward at the stage where our pastor preaches, and drooling. Worst thing was: he couldn't do a thing about it. According to doctors and physicians, he was supposed to die within two monthes of his arrival in October (that is just a chronic relation, his death didn't depend on his joining of the church). That was over two years ago.
                      Now, he can walk by aid of a cane, dress himself, hold a conversation, correct his daughters when they do wrong, and just to make it even more amazing: he's the backup drummer for our Praise Team! I believe that God healed him (when you have 200+ people praying for one guy, it kinda helps ), so that He can demonstrate His power. So now, the man's story can be shared as an example to those who believe cripples (initially or not) are going to Hell for something they can't help, and to be an inspiration to other cripples, if they can understand what happened.

                      ============

                      I noticed in Deuteronomy 28:29 it says "...no man shall save thee." It didn't say "no man can save thee." The reason I brought up the "can save" notion is that Jesus Himself healed several handicapped people during His walk on earth: the blind man with mud, the crippled man with His mere words, and a few others. Jesus can cure them, so bring them to Jesus! With time and prayer (from everyone), they will be rid of their handicaps, and they can be better men and women for Jesus.

                      Testimonial stories are great
                      But he wasn't retarded.
                      Matthew:
                      5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
                      5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
                      10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
                      10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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                      Comment

                      • Pastor Al E Pistle
                        Christ's Cōnsiliārius
                         
                        • Sep 2006
                        • 9323

                        #506
                        Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!!

                        Originally posted by Passerby View Post
                        I fail to see how this means the mentally retarded go straight to Hell for being born with a condition they have absolutely no control over. God is punishing them for a sin? How can you sin when you aren't even born? Original sin? Okay. That's curable with Jesus.

                        You fail to read the Bible, so don't argue with me about it.

                        Genesis 9:21-25
                        And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father .... And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him. And he said, Cursed be Canaan [Ham's son]; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren.

                        Genesis 20:18
                        The LORD had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah Abraham's wife.

                        Exodus 20:5 , Deuteronomy 5:9
                        I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation.

                        Exodus 34:7
                        Visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children unto the third and to the fourth generation.

                        Numbers 14:18
                        Visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation.

                        Deuteronomy 23:2
                        A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

                        Deuteronomy 28:18
                        Cursed shall be the fruit of thy body.

                        1 Samuel 3:12-13
                        I will perform against Eli all things which I have spoken concerning his house ... I will judge his house for ever ... because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.

                        2 Samuel 12:14
                        The child also that is born unto thee shall surely die.

                        2 Samuel 21:6-9

                        Let seven men of his sons be delivered unto us, and we will hang them up unto the LORD .... And he delivered them into the hands of the Gibeonites, and they hanged them in the hill before the LORD.

                        1 Kings 2:33
                        Their blood shall therefore return upon the head of Joab, and upon the head of his seed for ever.

                        1 Kings 11:11-12

                        Wherefore the LORD said unto Solomon, Forasmuch as this is done of thee, and thou hast not kept my covenant and my statutes, which I have commanded thee, I will surely rend the kingdom from thee, and will give it to thy servant. Notwithstanding in thy days I will not do it for David thy father's sake: but I will rend it out of the hand of thy son.

                        1 Kings 21:29
                        Seest thou how Ahab humbleth himself before me? because he humbleth himself before me, I will not bring the evil in his days: but in his son's days will I bring the evil upon his house.

                        2 Kings 5:27
                        The leprosy therefore of Naaman shall cleave unto thee, and unto thy seed for ever.

                        Isaiah 14:21

                        Prepare slaughter for his children for the iniquity of their fathers.

                        Jeremiah 16:10-11
                        Wherefore hath the Lord pronounced all this great evil against us? ... Because your fathers have forsaken me, saith the Lord.

                        Jeremiah 29:32
                        Therefore thus saith the LORD; Behold, I will punish Shemaiah the Nehelamite, and his seed.

                        Jeremiah 32:18
                        Thou ... recompensest the iniquity of the fathers into the bosom of their children after them.

                        Zephaniah 1:8
                        I will punish the princes, and the king's children, and all such as are clothed with strange apparel.

                        More importantly, only men are capable of urinating on a wall, because we can do it standing up, whereas women have to squat. But enough of that.

                        Women don't count, so they are not mentioned. 'Retarded woman' is redundant.


                        <snip> ridiculous rant deleted </snip>
                        I
                        noticed in Deuteronomy 28:29 it says "...no man shall save thee." It didn't say "no man can save thee." The reason I brought up the "can save" notion is that Jesus Himself healed several handicapped people during His walk on earth: the blind man with mud, the crippled man with His mere words, and a few others. Jesus can cure them, so bring them to Jesus! With time and prayer (from everyone), they will be rid of their handicaps, and they can be better men and women for Jesus.

                        It's true that The Presidential Prayer Team helped keep America on track! Were you a member? But insofar as healing the sick, if JESUS didn't want them to be sick, they wouldn't be. Praying against His will just makes Him cry, and the doddering old fool is still going to die.

                        Testimonial stories are great
                        I notice JESUS hasn't given you a brain. Maybe you should ask the Wizard of Oz. Jesus isn't listening to you and I don't blame Him. For it is a shame for a woman to speak in church or almost anywhere else. I hope your husband slaps some sense into you! WOMEN, KNOW YOUR PLACE!
                        Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
                        "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
                        Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


                        Comment

                        • Pastor Isaac Peters
                          Senior Pastor
                          Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
                          Always Biblically correct
                          True Christian™
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 10639

                          #507
                          Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!!

                          Originally posted by Passerby View Post
                          I fail to see how this means the mentally retarded go straight to Hell for being born with a condition they have absolutely no control over.
                          Since when has that been a criterion?

                          Prov. 16:4: The LORD hath made all [things] for himself: yea, even the wicked for the day of evil.

                          Romans 9:10-24: And not only [this]; but when Rebecca also had conceived by one, [even] by our father Isaac; (For [the children] being not yet born, neither having done any good or evil, that the purpose of God according to election might stand, not of works, but of him that calleth;) It was said unto her, The elder shall serve the younger. As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated. What shall we say then? [Is there] unrighteousness with God? God forbid. For he saith to Moses, I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. So then [it is] not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that sheweth mercy. For the scripture saith unto Pharaoh, Even for this same purpose have I raised thee up, that I might shew my power in thee, and that my name might be declared throughout all the earth. Therefore hath he mercy on whom he will [have mercy], and whom he will he hardeneth. Thou wilt say then unto me, Why doth he yet find fault? For who hath resisted his will? Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed [it], Why hast thou made me thus? Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour? [What] if God, willing to shew [his] wrath, and to make his power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction: And that he might make known the riches of his glory on the vessels of mercy, which he had afore prepared unto glory, Even us, whom he hath called, not of the Jews only, but also of the Gentiles?


                          Well? Is there unrighteousness with God, yes or no?
                          This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

                          Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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                          • Pastor Rune Enoe
                            Apostle of the North
                             
                            • Sep 2006
                            • 11678

                            #508
                            Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!!

                            Originally posted by Passerby View Post
                            More importantly, only men are capable of urinating on a wall, because we can do it standing up, whereas women have to squat. But enough of that. I happened to find a few direct translations from Hebrew (which 1 Kings was written in) to English (which we can read), and they all said the same thing: "And it came to pass, when he [Zimri] began to reign, as soon as he sat on his throne, that he smote all the house of Baasa; he left him not a single man-child, neither of his kinsfolks, nor of his friends." If you don't agree, then translate it yourself, rather than rely on the book written by scribes who were more afraid of offending their earthly king than their heavnly one, and being beheaded. Here's a link to 1 King 16:11 in the original Hebrew.
                            I ought to infract you for thinking yourself more versed in the Bible than a True Christian™ Pastor like Ezekiel Flint, but I see I'm too late for that.

                            At any rate the site you link to is Jewish, and who are going to believe? God - who wrote the KJV1611, and who speaks to us every day through His handiwork? Or a bunch of hook-noses you've never even met?

                            Here's an interlinear translation. I hope that will teach you to trust Pastor Ezekiel (and God) in the future: Put that in your nose and smoke it, Schmuel.

                            Click image for larger version

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                            A wise man’s heart inclines him to the right, but a fool’s heart to the left. (Ecclesiastes 10:2)

                            Comment

                            • proverbs31
                              Unsaved trash
                              Under Investigation
                              • Jan 2009
                              • 13

                              #509
                              Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!!

                              Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
                              Whooot Whoooot

                              ALL ABOARD!

                              Their HELL will be being force fed Ham Sammiches and high fat treats and not being able to throw them back up.

                              LMAOWJ! GLORY!

                              Enjoy HELL Bean Poles!
                              Ma'am, their sin, I believe, is not the size of their bodies, but what they do with them.

                              Comment

                              • proverbs31
                                Unsaved trash
                                Under Investigation
                                • Jan 2009
                                • 13

                                #510
                                Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!!

                                Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
                                Woooot wooooooooot

                                Choo-Chug-chug-a-lugga!

                                Add your Passengers Here!

                                These folks are going to HELL for being retarded.

                                "Look Ma! I can Drive!"



                                "Look Ma! No Hands!"



                                "Look Ma! I'm an Angel!"


                                ALL ABOARD!



                                When the Pharisees asked Jesus who to blame for blindness, the sin of the parents or the sin of the child (ringing a bell? that's exactly what you are trying to say, that the sins deformed these babies), Jesus refutes it.

                                Take a look at this scripture. And stop with the 'pissing on the wall', that's weak.

                                "And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him. I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world. When he had thus spoken, he spat on the ground, and made clay of the spittle, and he anointed the eyes of the blind man with the clay, And said unto him, Go, wash in the pool of Siloam, (which is by interpretation, Sent.) He went his way therefore, and washed, and came seeing."
                                -John 9:1-7

                                With all due respect,
                                Sarah

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