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  • yogurt
    Confirmed Enemy of God
    BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
    • May 2008
    • 122
    #1

    Praise Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Oh my days, i was just going to get my Bass guitar and keyboard to play subdivisions by Rush when i fell down the stairs (which in my house are pretty long and have metal corners) when i got the Bottom i was completely unscathed. This act of mercy from God has steeled my heart and made me sure that my life is going according to Gods' plan for me, that i should continue telling people of what he has told me.

    You should take this as a sign that listening to me is your only chance to get to heaven.
    Tags: None
    • Pastor Rune Enoe
      Apostle of the North
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 11680
      #2
      Re: Praise Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Originally posted by Mrs. Potatoe Head View Post
      You should take this as a sign that listening to me is your only chance to get to heaven.
      Why should we listen to a dull-witted oaf, who falls down the stairs? That would be like the blind leading the blind - and we know how that ends, don't we?

      Matthew 15:14 Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.
      A wise man’s heart inclines him to the right, but a fool’s heart to the left. (Ecclesiastes 10:2)

        Comment

        • yogurt
          Confirmed Enemy of God
          BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
          • May 2008
          • 122
          #3
          Re: Praise Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          Hey you try and carry and Keyboard and bass guitar up some stairs. Anyways thats not the point the point is that i was saved by the Lord almighty. and i didn't fall in a ditch.

            Comment

            • FAKEFrogPapistHarlot
              Unsaved trash
               
              • May 2008
              • 53
              #4
              Re: Praise Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

              But pastor, if the blind leading the blind leads to them falling in a ditch, why aren't you and your congregation in a ditch yet?
              I'm queer too.

                Comment

                • Ezekiel Bathfire
                  Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                  Christ's Rottweiler
                   
                  • Jan 2008
                  • 22931
                  #5
                  Re: Praise Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                  Originally posted by Mrs. Potatoe Head View Post
                  Hey you try and carry and Keyboard and bass guitar up some stairs. Anyways thats not the point the point is that i was saved by the Lord almighty. and i didn't fall in a ditch.
                  It was the Lord Who tripped you - may be He's asking that you take a day off from being an idiot.
                  sigpic


                  “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                  Author of such illuminating essays as,
                  Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                    Comment

                    • yogurt
                      Confirmed Enemy of God
                      BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                      • May 2008
                      • 122
                      #6
                      Re: Praise Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                      It was the Lord who saved me, if he wanted me to die then he would have killed me.

                        Comment

                        • VictoryOS
                          True Christian™ Beauty Queen
                           
                          • Dec 2007
                          • 5390
                          #7
                          Re: Praise Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                          Originally posted by yogurt View Post
                          It was the Lord who saved me, if he wanted me to die then he would have killed me.
                          By falling down the stairs? I fall down the stairs all the time, and last I checked I'm still alive. Stop making up silly stories, heathen. Jesus hates liars.
                          Let Jesus Christ Wash You Clean
                          in 2016

                            Comment

                            • yogurt
                              Confirmed Enemy of God
                              BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                              • May 2008
                              • 122
                              #8
                              Re: Praise Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                              Jesus hates you I'm not complaining am i.

                                Comment

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